The sound of gunfire was terrifying and my mother and I were with Isabel in her cabin where we tried to talk lightly, although we all knew that any moment might be our last.
"Your father always wins in the end," said my mother firmly.
"Once we are safe in Calais all will be well. How are you feeling, Isabel?" Isabel was not sure. She thought the pains might begin at any moment.
"Let us pray that we reach Calais before they do. It is not a long trip really and if the sea is kind ..."
We were away. The battle was over. I learned later that my father had feared that there might be trouble at Southampton which was the reason why he had arranged for us to embark in Dorset. He had lost one or two ships in the battle, but we should rejoice because we were on our way to Calais.
How relieved we were to sight land! Our father sent out signals. The Captain of Calais had arrived. He was waiting to be welcomed.
To our dismay we heard gunfire. This was amazing as Lord Wenlock, in charge of the castle, was one of my father's agents. A small boat was sent in to find out the meaning of this apparently hostile reception.
A message came back from Lord Wenlock informing my father that the king had sent orders which had arrived only a short time before the earl and his party, and these orders forbade him to allow the earl to enter Calais. Lord Wenlock greatly regretted this but he must obey the king's orders.
My father was nonplussed. He had come so far, only to be refused entry. This meant that he was no longer considered to be Captain of Calais.
He was in despair, and just at that time Isabel began to give birth to her child.
This took our thoughts from all other matters. The danger to Isabel was acute as the birth showed signs of being difficult, and we had none of the usual comforts to ease the delivery.
"If only we had some wine," cried my mother. That might help to soothe her and deaden the pain."
That was one of the most terrifying times of my life. I shall never forget the agonised cries of my sister. I felt sure she was going to die. I kept thinking of her as she had been so happy, so merry, so contented with her marriage, so gratified that she had so quickly proved that she could bear children; and now, here she was, on a none-too-calm sea without adequate provisions, in acute agony and in danger of losing not only her baby but her life.
At such times one realises how much one loves people and how heart-breaking it is to see those whom we love suffering, particularly when we are helpless to do anything to alleviate that suffering. Isabel and I had bickered often enough, it was true, but she was my sister, a part of my life, and I could not imagine being without her.
My father was at the door of the cabin. His eyes were anxious and I felt a sudden tenderness towards him. He does love us, I thought. He truly does. It is only that he is so busy fighting to keep his power that there is little time to show it.
"How is she?" he asked.
"Poorly," replied my mother.
"If we had a little wine ... even ..."
"You think that would help?"
"She could sip it and it has a soothing effect. It might even dull the pain."
My father sent one of the small boats in with a message to Wenlock asking him for wine for his daughter who was in childbirth. He said the man should be his friend but at times like these how could one know who was a friend? But he understood Wenlock must obey the king's orders. Warwick was no longer the Kingmaker; he was an outcast from England fighting for survival.
However, Wenlock did comply with the request and to my mother's delight he sent the man back with two casks of wine.
There was something else which Wenlock did. With the wine came a secret message to my father telling him that it would be folly for him to attempt a landing. It was what they were hoping he would do. He had authorised the gunfire to prevent such a landing. The earl should make his way to a French port for it was certain that Louis would be hospitable to his old friend.
It was sound advice.
Meanwhile, Isabel's condition was becoming desperate. The wine helped a little but she was very ilclass="underline" and I guessed from Ankarette's pursed lips and unhappy expression that something was wrong.
My mother came to tell me.
"She is sleeping now. Poor child. It was a difficult birth."
"And the child? Is it a boy?"
The child was a boy," she said.
Understanding flashed into my mind.
I said: The child ... is dead?"
My mother nodded.
Our great concern was Isabel. My mother and Ankarette were with her. There was no room for anyone else in the small cabin. If I could have been with her I should have felt easier in my mind, but to be shut away from my sister whom I had known all my life and might never know again filled me with numbed misery.
I thought of her trying on her wedding dress, so contented with herself and life. She was to marry Clarence; she would be Queen of England: the child she would have would one day be king; she would start a dynasty ... the dynasty of York and Warwick. What dreams to come to nothing!
I prayed for her to live. Perhaps that prayer would be granted. Then I prayed for the impossible that we could go back to Middleham and be girls together ... back in the happy days with Richard of Gloucester among the boys who came to my father's castle to learn the arts of war.
At last I was allowed to go and see her, but only for a short time.
My mother had said: The worst is over. With care she will recover."
She lay back exhausted ... free of pain ... the useless, futile, purposeless pain. I felt a sense of relief that she was not yet aware that the child which had cost her so dearly was dead.
My mother came to me and said: "She is breathing more easily. She will recover, I hope and pray. I rejoice that we have not lost our Isabel."
The ship was pitching and tossing. In the extremity of our anxiety we had not noticed the discomfort. Now, as I stood up, I had to cling to my mother for support.
"There is the burial," she said. I was glad Isabel was spared that.
They had sewn the little body into a sheet. I could not bear to look at it. It was so depressing small and helpless. All those months it had been growing, waiting for that moment when it would come into the world ... and it had come only to leave it.
The captain of the vessel was saying a prayer. We stood in silence as the sheet encasing the little body slipped into the water.
The Road to Barnet
How peaceful it was within those convent walls'. I was dazed by all that had happened and although in my heart I knew this was only a respite, there was an overwhelming comfort to be on dry land, away from violent conflict, able to listen to the low soft voices of the nuns and the sound of the bells calling them to prayer.
They had cared for us tenderly since our arrival on the orders of the King of France that they should succour us and give us all we needed to restore us after our ordeal. But I like to think they would have been good to us without that command.
For the first days I just gave myself up to the luxury of that peaceful ambiance; it was only later that I began to ask myself, for how long?
After the burial of the child, we had continued at sea. My father was very angry that he had been denied entry into Calais, and for this he blamed the Duke of Burgundy; he had to appease that anger, and he made a point of sailing along the coast and taking any Burgundian vessel in sight.
We had grown accustomed to the sound of gunfire ... of the rejoicing when another prize had been captured as we sailed along the Channel, flying the emblem of the Ragged Staff. Warwick, fleeing from his country, denied entrance to Calais, throwing himself on the mercy of the King of France, must show Burgundy and Edward and Louis that he was a force to be reckoned with.