‘It sounds a stupid question,’ she confessed, ‘but how are you?’
‘I’ve lost him, haven’t I? The only man who ever respected me. The only man I…loved.’
‘Listen to me, Tan. We’re going to do everything we can to get him out of this situation. You heard what Karr and the others said; no effort’s going to be spared to bring Kinsel back to you.’
‘I also heard them say he’s in a fortress, and in the hands of ruthless men. I don’t fool myself, Serrah. It’s over.’
‘It is as long as you have that attitude.’
‘Where there’s life there’s hope, eh?’
‘Well, yes. It sounds trite but it’s true.’
‘I’m finding it hard to keep any hope going right now. I can’t see…I can’t see a way out of-’
‘It’s easy for me to say, Tan, but this isn’t the time to go to pieces. Kinsel needs you, and so do Teg and Lirrin.’
Tears began coursing down Tanalvah’s cheeks. ‘The children…’
‘At least they’re going to be safe.’ She reached over and squeezed her hand. ‘You can rely on that. I swear it.’
‘I know. If it wasn’t for you, we wouldn’t have had the brief happiness we were lucky enough to have.’
‘You can have it again. We’ll work something out.’
‘I know you’ll all do your best. But-’
‘What?’
‘There’s something you don’t know.’
‘If it’s something that might help Kinsel you must tell me, Tan.’
She gave a short, bitter laugh. ‘It doesn’t help. Far from it.’
Serrah passed her a kerchief. Tanalvah began dabbing her wet cheeks with it.
‘What is it, Tan?’
‘Serrah, I…I’m pregnant.’
Serrah was speechless for a moment, then said, ‘You’re sure?’
Tanalvah nodded.
‘How long?’
‘A couple of months.’
‘Oh gods, Tan.’
‘You know the ironic thing? I prayed for it. I begged the goddess every day to bless us with a child of our own, to make our family complete. The gods work mysteriously. They give with one hand and take away with the other.’
‘What’s happened to Kinsel is the work of men, not gods.’
‘I think the goddess knew what was going to happen to him. She gave me this child as compensation, a way of balancing things.’
‘If it helps you to think of it that way, go ahead. But don’t lose sight of the possibility that you may still have both; Kinsel and the child.’
‘You have more optimism than I do at the moment.’
‘Yes, at the moment. You’ve had a tremendous shock. Things will look different soon.’
‘I hope you’re right. But…don’t tell anybody. About the
baby. Not just yet. I don’t think I could take much more sympathy right now.’
When Caldason got back, Tanalvah was slumbering on the fireside couch.
‘You look tired yourself,’ he told Serrah.
‘It’s been a long day.’
‘Get some sleep. I’ll look out for Tanalvah.’
‘Sure?’
‘Go ahead. If you’re needed, I’ll call.’
She left to rest in another room.
He quietly hefted a chair to the hearth. Placing his swords on the floor beside it, he sat.
All was silent for a while.
‘Reeth?’
‘I thought you were asleep.’
Tanalvah shifted on the couch. ‘The way I feel at the moment I might never sleep again.’
‘I feel that way myself sometimes.’
‘You have demons waiting for you in sleep. I know what that’s like now.’
He said nothing.
‘Tell me, Reeth: what gives you your strength?’
‘What do you mean?’
‘The capacity to go on. Your will to survive.’
‘I have no choice.’
‘Because of this…immortality thing?’
‘I could end my life if I chose. There have been times when I’ve tried.’
‘But not too hard, it seems.’
Again he didn’t answer.
‘So it’s simply revenge that gives you the resolve to carry on?’ she ventured.
‘Don’t underestimate it. Revenge can be a worthy sentiment.’
‘There was a time when I would have argued with that.’
‘But not now.’
‘After what’s happened to Kinsel, I’ve thought of nothing but vengeance.’
‘Then you understand.’
‘We’re not the same. Don’t try to make out we are.’
‘It’s just a matter of degree. You want retribution for your personal hurt. I seek vengeance for my tribe, and our entire race.’
‘How very noble of you.’ It was an intentional barb.
‘You’re of the Qaloch. I would have thought you’d look favourably on what I’m doing.’
‘Just being born of Qalochians doesn’t make me one. Not really.’
‘You’re wrong. Blood will out.’
‘I’ve had no experience of being a member of the race we share, except its negative effects.’
‘That’s hardly the fault of the race. Unless you believe in blaming the victims.’
‘The Qalochians are history’s victims. Can you fight history?’
‘History’s made by people. I can fight
them
. Or at least the ones who wronged us, and go on wronging us.’
‘So you’re fighting the world, then. You’re ambitious in your enemies, I’ll give you that.’
‘You don’t know much about our past, do you? Or our culture?’
‘Beyond the fact that we’re a warrior race, what else is there?’
‘So much, Tanalvah. And it’s fading with every year that passes. Can you speak the Qaloch tongue?’
Tanalvah shook her head.
‘Language was one of the first things they took away from us, because they understand the power of words. There was a time when many places in this land bore Qalochian names. But no longer. And where they can’t abolish language, they
twist it. So invasion becomes liberation, and they call slavery freedom. These things go unnoticed when we lose touch with our customs and beliefs.’
‘I have beliefs,’ she came back indignantly. ‘I worship Iparrater, defender of-’
‘The downtrodden. I know. She’s a Rintarahian deity.’
‘So you’re a believer in the old Qaloch gods, are you?’
‘I follow no gods.’
‘You would do well to.’
‘Who would you suggest? Mapoy, patron of bathhouses, perhaps? Ven, the god of rag pickers? How about Isabelle, goddess of shoemakers?’
‘You’re mocking me.’
‘No. I just wonder why you honour petty foreign deities rather than Qaloch gods.’
‘What would be the point? The gods of the Qaloch have forsaken us.’
‘And your new goddess hasn’t?’
‘What do you care, Reeth? You’ve left no room for faith in your withered heart.’
‘The gods have done nothing for me. If there are gods. I walk my own path, as well as any man can.’
‘You’re asking for ruin when you scorn the powers that gave you life, Reeth.’
‘Life? Life’s just the difference between what we hope for and what we get.’
She stared at him coldly. ‘If you really believe that, I’m sorry for you.’
There wasn’t a lot more to be said. Tanalvah turned away, and eventually she slept, or pretended to.
Caldason kept watch until first light, when Serrah relieved him.
Then he drifted into sleep himself.
He was on the edge of a field, the golden corn as high as his chest.
It was hot. The sun beat down like a hammer and heat contorted the air. There was hardly a breath of wind. The drone of bees and faint birdsong were all that broke the silence.
A flurry of movement caught his eye, far off, near the other end of the cornfield. Something moved through the crop, heading in his direction. He couldn’t see what it was, just the corn rustling as the commotion progressed. When it got to about a third of the way across, he noticed something else.
A party of horsemen, five strong, appeared at the field’s farthest edge. They plunged in, living ships breasting an ocean of gold. He could hear shouting, and saw the riders whipping their mounts unmercifully.