«I’m terrible with names, but I never forget coconuts—I mean faces! Don’t tell your sister.»
«You just tell whoever’s on the line that you’ll call back after you’ve had a chance to collect your thoughts.»
«I can’t! He’s on a pay telephone at the prisoners’ compound in Quantico!»
«Order him to give you the number and to stay there until you call him back.»
«All right, Coconuts—Teresa—Regina—Madame Secretary!»
«Stop it, Warren. Do what I say!»
The Secretary of State did exactly as Regina Trueheart commanded, then fell forward on his desk, his head in his arms, and, as they say, cried his eyes out. «Somebody leaked and I got pissed on!» he gurgled. «They got sent back to the compound in body bags!»
«Who?»
«The Filthy Four. It’s horrible!»
«They’re dead—whoever they are?»
«No, there were air holes in the canvas. It’s worse than dead—they’re embarrassed! We’re all embarrassed!» Pease raised his tear-streaked face as if pleading for a swift execution.
«Warren, sweetie, knock it off. You have a job to do and people like me are here to see that you do it. Remember Fern of the North Mall, our patron saint and inspiration. She wouldn’t permit any of her bosses to fall apart and neither will I.»
«She was a secretary, you’re a security pool stenographer—»
«Far more, Warren, oh, far more,» interrupted Regina. «I’m a roving butterfly with the sting of a bee. I flutter from one top-secret assignment to another, keeping my eyes on all of you, helping you through your days. That’s the God-given assignment for all the Truehearts.»
«Can’t you be my secretary?»
«And take that job from our dear, dedicated anti-Commie mother, Tyrania? Surely you jest.»
«The Tyrant’s your mother …?»
«Careful, Warren. Subagaloo, remember?»
«Oh, Christ, Arnold. I’m sorry, truly sorry—a great woman, awe-inspiring.»
«To the business at hand, Mr. Secretary,» said the stenographer, sitting down, the notebook and the gathered pages securely held, her posture once again rigid. «I have maximum clearance, as you know, so how can I help?»
«Well, maximum clearance isn’t exactly the issue—»
«I see,» broke in Regina Trueheart. «Body bags with air holes, corpses that weren’t dead—»
«I tell you, the entire honor guard almost had mass cardiac arrest! Two are in the base hospital, three have demanded immediate discharges on psychiatric grounds, and four went AWOL by racing through the gates screaming their heads off about soldiers rising from the dead to curse the officers they never fragged… Oh, my God, if this ever gets out—oh, Jesus!»
«I know, Mr. Secretary.» Security Stenographer First Class Trueheart stood up. «Embarrassment, sir, we’ve all been there… All right, Warren, we’re in this together. What do we start shredding?»
«Shredding?» Pease’s left eye was now streaking back and forth with the speed of a laser.
«I understand,» said Regina, who promptly, without the slightest hint of sensuality, pulled her dress up to her waist. «Documents to be removed, of course. As you can see, I’m fully prepared to carry out the mission.»
«Huh?» His left eye fixed, the Secretary of State was astonished at what he saw. Sewn into Ms. Trueheart’s panty hose, from knees to thigh, were light brown nylon pockets. «How … how incredible,» mumbled Pease.
«Naturally, we must remove all metal clips, and should we need more space, my brassiere has a zippered lining, and the back of my slip has an attached overlay of sheer silk that can accommodate the wider documents.»
«You don’t understand,» said the Secretary, his chin impacting on the edge of the desk as the stenographer released her dress to its normal position. «Ouch!»
«Keep your mind on business, Warren. Now, what don’t I understand? The Trueheart girls are prepared for all emergencies.»
«Nothing was written down!» explained the panicked head of State.
«I see… Unlogged, max-class, unsanctioned communications, is that it?»
«What? Were you with the CIA …?»
«No, that’s my older sister, Clytemnestra. She’s a very quiet girl… So our problem goes back to leaks in the unsanctioned infrastructure; the unlogged word of mouth made a devious detour into forbidden ears.»
«It must have, but it couldn’t! No one who knew could possibly have benefited from betraying the secret of our flying those lunatics up to Boston.»
«Without specific facts, Mr. Secretary—which, of course, could be revealed by Pentothal but never, never in a confrontation with any subhuman congressional committee—please give me an abstract of the operation. Can you do that, Warren?… If it would help you, I’ll show you my pockets again.»
«It wouldn’t hurt.» She did so, and Pease’s left eye came slowly to a riveting stop. «Well, you see,» he began, spittles of saliva emerging from his lips. «Certain unpatriotic slimes, led by a maniac, want to cripple our first line of defense, namely our contractors and then a section of our air force that has international watchdog responsibilities.»
«How, sweetie?» Trueheart shifted her weight from one leg to the other, then back again.
«Auugh.»
«What, Warren? I asked how.»
«Oh, yes, of course… Well, they claim that the land on which is located a huge and very vital air force base may just possibly belong to a group of people—savages, actually—because of some stupid treaty made over a hundred years ago, which never happened, of course! It’s all insane!»
«I’m sure it is, but is it true, Mr. Secretary?» Once more Regina’s bared legs required a succession of shifting balances, five to be exact.
«Oh, boy …!»
«Sit down! Is it true?»
«The Supreme Court is thinking about it. The Chief Justice is keeping the Court arguments quiet for another five days, on national security grounds, until the slimes show up for oral interrogation the day before. We’ve got four days to find the bastards and send them to their happy hunting grounds, which has nothing to do with national security grounds. Goddamn savages!»
Regina Trueheart instantly released her dress. «That will be enough of that!»
«Ouch!… What?»
«We Trueheart girls do not countenance obscene language, Mr. Secretary. It simply reveals a lack of acceptable vocabulary and is offensive in the extreme to church-going people.»
«Aw, come on, Vergyna—»
«Regina!»
«I’m on your side … but don’t you see, sometimes a little profanity says it. When you’re stressed, it just comes out.»
«You sound like that horrible French writer, Anouilh, who would excuse everything.»
«Annie who?»
«Never mind… Was this secure circle of knowledgeable people restricted to only a few of our highest government officials and even fewer outside civilians?»
«The fewest of each!»
«And these all too alive and kicking body bags, were they covertly recruited to carry out their mission—which they obviously failed to do?»
«So covert they didn’t even understand it! But then, they didn’t have to—they’re maniacs.»
«Stay here, Warren,» said Trueheart, placing the shorthand pad on the desk and straightening her dress. «I’ll be right back.»