I could not bring myself to take his insinuations seriously. Agrippina’s name was the only thing I really took in. I forgot my thirsty animals and the hippos’ dried-up pool. Agrippina was the only person I thought might save Poppaea Sabina from Nero’s immoral intentions. A mother had to have sufficient influence over her son to prevent his publicly violating the most beautiful woman in Rome. I had to protect Poppaea now she could no longer protect herself.
Beside myself, I hurried to old Antonia’s house on Palatine, where I found them all in such a state of confusion because of the move that no one stopped me from entering. I found Agrippina in a state of icy rage. With her was Octavia, the quiet girl who had had nothing more than the rank of wife from her marriage to the Emperor. Agrippina’s half sister Antonia, beautiful still and Claudius’ daughter by his first marriage, was also there, as was Antonia’s second husband, Faustus Sulla. When I appeared so unexpectedly, they all immediately fell silent, but Agrippina greeted me sharply.
“What a pleasant surprise after so many years,” she said. “I thought you’d forgotten everything I’d done for you and were as ungrateful as my own son. I’m even more pleased that you are the only knight in Rome to come and bid farewell to a poor exiled woman.”
“Perhaps I have neglected our friendship,” I cried in despair, “but we’ve no time for unnecessary talk now. You must save Poppaea Sabina from Nero’s greedy clutches and take her into your protection. Your son is disgracing himself in the eyes of all Rome with this outrage, not just the innocent Poppaea.”
Agrippina stared at me and shook her head.
“I’ve done everything I can,” she said sharply, “even wept and cursed, to save my son from the hands of that lecherous and scheming woman. As a reward I’ve been ordered to leave Rome. Poppaea has had her own way and is holding on to Nero like a leech.”
I tried to assure her that Poppaea wished only that Nero should leave her in peace, but Agrippina laughed scornfully. She believed nothing good of any other woman.
“That woman has driven Nero out of his mind with her debaucheries,” she said. “Nero is inclined that way, although I’ve done everything I could to hide it from other people. But sometimes everything blackens before his eyes and he has to protect his sight. His mad taste for lowly and unsuitable pleasures is evidence of it. But I’ve begun to write my memoirs and I’ll complete them in Antium. I have sacrificed everything for my son, even committed crimes which only he can pardon. It must be told now, since everyone knows anyhow.”
Her eyes glowed strangely and she raised her hands as if warding off a blow. Then she looked at Octavia and stroked her cheek.
“I can see the shadow of death on your face,” she said. “Your cheeks are like ice. But it might all pass if only Nero recovers from this madness. Not even the Emperor can defy the wish of the Senate and the people. No one can trust Nero. He is a terrible hypocrite and a born actor.”
When I looked at Antonia, still beautiful despite her pallor, an unpleasant shadow from the past crossed my mind, and I thought of her half sister Claudia, who had brought shame on my love for her. I think I must have been confused by Agrippina’s mad accusations against Poppaea, for the question slipped unintentionally out of my mouth.
“You spoke of your memoirs,” I said. “Do you remember Claudia? How is she? Has she improved?”
I think Agrippina would have ignored my question had her fury not unbalanced her so.
“You can ask at the naval brothel in Misenum,” she said viciously. “I promised to send your Claudia to a closed house to complete her education. A brothel is the right place for bastards.”
She stared at me like a Medusa.
“You are the most gullible fool I’ve ever met, I think,” she said. “You just opened your mouth and swallowed all that false evidence on her whoring. But for her it was enough that she had become involved with a Roman knight. If I’d known how ungrateful you were going to be, I’d never have gone to so much trouble to prevent her from bringing you unhappiness.”
Antonia laughed loudly.
“Did you really send Claudia to a brothel, dear stepmother?” she said. “I wondered why she suddenly stopped plaguing me to recognize her as my sister and vanished from my sight.”
Antonia’s nostrils quivered. She stroked her soft throat as if to wipe away an invisible insect. There was a strange delicate beauty about her slim figure at that moment.
I was struck completely dumb. Horrified, I looked at these two monstrous women. Suddenly my head felt quite clear and frighteningly large as I understood, and at last believed, all the evil I had heard told of Agrippina over the years.
I also saw that Poppaea Sabina had ruthlessly used my friendship to fulfill her own intentions. All this happened in a second, as if in a vision. It was as if in that moment I had aged several years and had become hardened at the same time. Perhaps I had been unconsciously waiting for this change. It was as if the bars of the cage around me had burst and suddenly I was standing under the free open sky as a free man.
The greatest stupidity of my life had been in talking to Agrippina about Claudia. In some way, I had to make up for that. In some way, I had to begin my life anew from that moment so many years before when Agrippina had poisoned my mind against Claudia and destroyed my love for her. I would be stupid no longer.
Acting with caution, I went to Misenum to look into the possibility of transporting animals from Africa in naval vessels. The commantler of the fleet was Anicetus, a former barber who, during Nero’s boyhood years, had been his first tutor. But the navy is another matter, and
Roman knights have no desire to serve in it. At present the commantler is an author of reference books, called Pliny, who uses warships and sailors to collect rare plants and rocks from different countries. No doubt warships could be put to worse uses, and the sailors at least get about and can enrich the barbarian peoples with their wolf blood.
Anicetus received me respectfully, for I was of noble birth, a knight and the son of a senator. My father’s clients also had much to do with the naval dockyards, and Anicetus received considerable bribes from them. After boasting about his Greek education, his pictures and objets d’art, he became drunk and began to tell indecent stories, thus revealing his own depravity.
“Everyone has his own special vice,” he said. “That’s quite natural and understandable, and nothing to be ashamed of. Chastity is sheer pretense. I planted that truth in Nero’s head long ago. I hate nothing more than people who pretend to be virtuous. What kind do you want? Fat or thin, dark or fair, or do you prefer boys? I can arrange little girls or old women, an acrobat or an untouched virgin. Would you like to watch some whipping or do you like being whipped yourself? Yes, we can arrange a Dionysian mystery according to the book, if you like. Just say the word, give me a sign and I’ll satisfy your secret craving, for our friendship’s sake. This is Misenum, you see, and it’s not far to Baiae, Puteoli and Naples, with all the Alexandrian vices. From Capri we have inherited the god Tiberius’ ingenuity in these matters, and Pompeii has some fine brothels. Shall we row over there?”
I pretended to be shy, but to show myself worthy of his confidence, I said, “I used to think it exciting to disguise myself and go out on night brawls in Subura with your gifted pupil Nero. I don’t think I’ve ever experienced such pleasure as that of the most wretched brothels used by slaves. You see, sometimes one tires of delicacies and gets more pleasure from coarse bread and rancid oil. So I am the exact opposite to you. Since I married, I have finished with that sort of thing, but now I feel an intense desire to make the acquaintance of the naval brothels, which I’ve heard you have excellently organized.”