A young man then started handing out pens and paper, which was a most unusual occurrence. These basic means of self-expression were ruthlessly controlled at Chapman Farm, even down to the pencils tied firmly to the journals. The pens were numbered, as they’d been on the minibus.
‘This afternoon, you’ll be taking an important step in freeing yourselves from materialist possession,’ said Becca. ‘Most of you will have somebody back in the materialist world who’ll be expecting communication from you at this time.’
The screen behind Becca now lit up, showing printed words. Key Components of Materialist Possession.
• Assumed ownership based on biology.
• Abuse (physical, emotional, spiritual).
• Anger at actions/beliefs that challenge materialism.
• Attempts to disrupt spiritual development.
• Coercion disguised as concern.
• Demand for emotional service/labour.
• Desire to direct your life’s course.
‘I want each of you now to think of the person or people who most strongly demonstrate the seven key signs of materialist possession towards you. A good measure is to ask yourself who’ll be angriest that you’ve dedicated yourself to the Universal Humanitarian Church.
‘Vivienne,’ said Becca, pointing at the girl with the spiky black hair, who always determinedly tried to sound less middle class than she really was. ‘Who demonstrates the key signs most strongly in your life?’
‘My muvver and stepfather, definitely,’ said Vivienne at once. ‘All seven points.’
‘Walter?’ said Becca, pointing at him.
‘My son,’ said Walter promptly. ‘Most of those points would apply. My daughter would be far more understanding.’
‘Marion?’ said Becca, pointing to the ginger-haired middle-aged woman who always became pink and breathless at the mere mention of Jonathan Wace, and whose roots were slowly turning silver.
‘I suppose… my daughters,’ said Marion.
‘Materialist bonds are hard to sever,’ said Becca, now walking up and down on stage in her long orange robes and wearing her tight, cold smile, ‘but they’re the ties that bind you closest to the bubble world. It’s impossible to become pure spirit until you’ve dissolved these connections and rid yourself of the cravings of the false self.’
The image on the screen behind Becca changed to show a scribbled letter. All names had been blacked out.
‘This is an example of a case of extreme materialist possession, which was sent to one of our members by a supposedly loving family member, a few years ago.’
There was silence in the room as the group read the words onscreen.
███████████
We got your letter the same day. ██████ was admitted to hospital with a massive stroke, brought on by the stress she’s been under following ██████’s death, and by totally avoidable worry about you. Given the important work you’re doing saving the world from Satan, you probably don’t give a shit whether ██████ lives or dies, but I thought I’d just let you know the consequences of your actions. As for screwing any more money out of ██████, unfortunately for you I’ve now got Power of Attorney, so consider this letter an invitation for you and the UHC to go fuck yourselves.
███████████
‘It’s all in there, isn’t it?’ said Becca, looking up at the screen. ‘Emotional blackmail, materialist obsession with money, sneering at our mission, but most importantly, duplicity. The elderly family member in question hadn’t suffered a stroke at all and the writer of the letter was found to be embezzling money out of their account.’
A mingled groan and sigh issued from most of the people sitting on the hard, rush-covered floor. Some shook their heads.
‘I want you to think now of the person or people who are most likely to try these kinds of tactics on you. You’re going to write them a calm, compassionate letter clearly setting out why you’ve decided to join the church. Here,’ said Becca, as the image on the screen changed again, ‘are some of the phrases we find most effective in explaining the spiritual journey you’ve begun in ways that materialists can grasp. However, you should feel free to write the letter in any way that feels authentic to you.’
Panic now rose in Robin. Who the hell was she to send a letter to? She was afraid the UHC might check, to make sure both addressee and address were genuine. The recruits hadn’t been given envelopes: clearly, the letters would be read before being sent. Rowena’s fictional parents were the most obvious recipients for the letter, but their non-existence would surely be exposed instantly once she put down a traceable address.
‘Can I help?’ said a quiet voice beside Robin.
Becca had noticed that Robin wasn’t writing and had stepped through the people sitting on the floor to talk to her.
‘Well, I’d like to write to my parents,’ said Robin, ‘but they’re on a cruise. I can’t even remember the name of their ship.’
‘Oh, I see,’ said Becca. ‘Well, you’ve got a sister, haven’t you? Why don’t you write to your parents, via her?’
‘Oh, that’s a good idea,’ said Robin, who could feel sweat rising beneath her sweatshirt. ‘Thanks.’
Robin bent her head over the letter, wrote Dear Theresa, then looked back up at the screen, pretending to be looking for phrases to copy down, but actually trying to think of a solution to her dilemma. She’d unthinkingly given Theresa a job in publishing and now wished she’d made her a student, because a hall of residence might have been harder to check for her presence. Hoping to make it as hard as possible for the UHC to decide definitively that Theresa didn’t exist, Robin wrote:
I can’t remember when you said you were moving, but hopefully –
Robin thought rapidly. A nickname seemed safest, because it could apply to anyone who might be actually living at the random address she was about to write down. Her eyes fell on the back of Walter the professor’s balding head.
- Baldy will send this on if you’ve already left.
Robin looked back up at the screen. Most of a template letter was there, ready to be copied.
Letter of Declaration of UHC Membership
Dear X,
[As you know] I’ve just completed a week’s retreat at the Universal Humanitarian Church. I’ve [really enjoyed it/found it very inspiring/gained a huge amount] so I’ve decided to stay on and [pursue my spiritual growth/explore further self-development/help with the church’s charitable projects].
Robin dutifully copied out a version of this paragraph, then moved to the second.
Chapman Farm is a closed community and we don’t use electronic devices because we find them disruptive to a meditative spiritual environment. However, letters are passed on to members, so if you’d like to, write to me here at Chapman Farm, Lion’s Mouth, Aylmerton, Norfolk, NR11 8PC.
Robin copied this out, then looked up once more. There were a few final bits of advice about the letters’ contents, and how to terminate them.
Do not use phrases like ‘don’t worry about me’, which may lay you open to emotional blackmail.
When signing off, avoid pet familial terms such as ‘mum’ or ‘granny’, and terms such as ‘love’. Use your given name, no diminutives or nicknames, which demonstrate continuing acceptance of materialist possession.
Write the address to send the letter to on the back of the page.
Robin now wrote:
Please can you let our parents know I’m staying, because I know they’re on their cruise. It’s great to have a sense of purpose again and I’m learning so much. Rowena.