required to reciprocate?»
After a moment of silence Philip added, «So that`s the conundrum. I
intended only to observe how a counselor of your persuasion handles a
client`s request for parity.»
«So, your motivation is primarily a test of whether I`ll be consistent
in my approach?»
«Yes, not a test ofyou, personally, but of yourmethod. ”
«Okay, I appreciate your position that the question is in the service
of your intellectual understanding. Now just one further query and then I`ll
proceed to answer you. Why now? Why askthis particular question at this
particular time? ”
«First time it was possible. That was the first slight break in the
pace.»
«I`m not convinced. I think there`s more. Again,why now ?» Julius
repeated.
Philip shook his head in confusion. «This may not be what you`re
asking, but I`ve been thinking of a point Schopenhauer made to the effect
that there are few things that put people in a better humor than to hear of
another`s misfortune. Schopenhauer cites a poem of Lucretius»—«first
centuryB.C. Roman poet,” Philip said in an aside to Tony—«in which one
takes pleasure from standing on the seashore and watching others at sea
struggle with a terrible storm. вЂIt is a joy for us,` he says, вЂto observe evils
from which we are free.` Is this not one of the powerful forces taking
place in a therapy group?»
«That`s interesting, Philip,” said Julius. «But entirely off the point.
Let`s stay focused now on the question of вЂwhy now?`”
Philip still appeared confused.
«Let me help, Philip,” Julius prodded. «I`m belaboring this for a
reason—one which will provide a particularly clear illustration of the
differences between our two approaches. I`d suggest that the answer to
вЂwhy now?` is intimately related to your interpersonal issues. Let me
illustrate: can you summarize your experience in the last couple of
meetings?»
Silence. Philip appeared perplexed.
Tony said, «Seems pretty obvious to me, Professor.»
Philip looked at Tony with raised eyebrows. «Obvious?»
«Well, if you want it spelled it out, here it is: you enter this group
and make a lot of deep–sounding pronouncements. You pull some things
out of your philosophy bag that we all dig. Some people here think you`re
pretty wise—like Rebecca and Bonnie, for example. And me, too. You
supply all the answers. You`re a counselor yourself, and it looks like
you`re competing some with Julius. Same page?»
Tony looked questioningly at Philip, who nodded slightly,
indicating that he should continue.
«So here comes good ole Pam back, and what does she do? Pulls
your cover! Turns out you`ve got a messy past. Real messy. You`re not
Mister Clean after all. In fact you really fucked Pam over. You`re knocked
off your pedestal. Now yougot to be upset about this. And so what do you
do? You come in here today and say to Julius: what`syour secret life? You
want to knockhim off his pedestal, level the playing ground. Same page?»
Philip nodded slightly.
«That`s the way I see it. Hell, what else could it be?»
Philip fixed his eyes on Tony and responded, «Your observations
are not without merit.» He turned and addressed Julius: «Perhaps I owe
you an apology—Schopenhauer always warned against allowing our
subjective experience to contaminate objective observation.»
«And an apology to Pam? How about Pam?» asked Bonnie.
«Yes, I suppose. That too.» Philip glanced fleetingly in her
direction. Pam looked away.
When it became apparent that Pam had no intention of responding,
Julius said, «I`ll let Pam speak for herself at her own pace, Philip, but as
for me—no apology is necessary. The very reason you`re here is to
understand what you say and why you say it. And as for Tony`s
observations—I think they`re right on target.»
«Philip, I want to ask you something,” said Bonnie. «It`s a question
that Julius has asked me many times. «How`d you feel after you left the
meeting the last couple of sessions?»
«Not good. Distracted. Even agitated.»
«That`s what I imagined. I could see that,” said Bonnie. «Any
thoughts about Julius`s final comment to you last week—about being
given a gift by Stuart and Rebecca?»
«I didn`t think about that. I tried but just felt tense. Sometimes I fear
that all the strife and clamor here is a destructive distraction taking me
away from the pursuits I really value. All this focus on the past and on our
desires for change in the future only makes us forget the fundamental fact
that life is nothing but a present moment, which is forever vanishing. What
is the point of all this turmoil, given the ultimate destination of
everything?»
«I see what Tony means about you never having any fun. It`s so
bleak,” said Bonnie.
«I call it realism.»
«Well, go back to that bit about life being only a present moment,”
Bonnie insisted. «I`m just asking about the present moment—your present
response to being given a gift. Also, I`ve got a question about our
postgroup coffee sessions. You charged out pretty quickly after the last
two meetings. Did you think you weren`t invited? No, let me put it this
way: what is your present moment feeling about a coffee session after this
meeting?»
«No, I am unaccustomed to so much talking—I need to recover. At
the end of this meeting I will be very glad to be through for the day.»
Julius looked at his watch. «We`ve got to stop—we`re running over.
Philip, I won`t forget my contract with you. You fulfilled your part. I`ll
honor mine next meeting.»
27
_________________________
Weshould set a limit
to our wishes, curb
our desires, and
subdue our anger,
always mindful of
the fact that the
individual can
attain only an
infinitely small
share of the things
that are worth
having…
_________________________
After the session the group gathered for about forty–five minutes at their
usual Union Street coffee shop. Because Philip was not present, the group
did not talk about him. Nor did they continue to discuss the issues raised
in the meeting. Instead they listened with interest to Pam`s lively
description of her trip to India. Both Bonnie and Rebecca were intrigued
by Vijay, her gorgeous, mysterious, cinnamon–scented train companion,
and encouraged her to respond to his frequent e–mails. Gill was upbeat,
thanked everyone for their support, and said that he was going to meet
with Julius, get serious about abstinence, and begin AA. He thanked Pam
for her good work with him.
«Go Pam,” said Tony. «The tough–love lady strikes again.»
Pam returned to her condo in the Berkeley hills just above the
university. She often congratulated herself for having the good sense to
hold on to this property when she married Earl. Perhaps, unconsciously,
she knew she might need it again. She loved the blond wood in every
room, her Tibetan scatter rugs, and the warm sunlight streaming into the
living room in the late afternoon. Sipping a glass of Prosecco, she sat on
her deck and watched the sun sink behind San Francisco.
Thoughts about the group swirled in her mind. She thought about
Tony doffing the costume of the group jerk and, with surgical precision,
showing Philip how clueless he was about his own behavior. That was