as she covered her face with her hands and noted that Rebecca, too,
had her hands to her head. «Okay, okay, maybe I`ll toss those last
cards and just stick with the cards saying,Why now? ”
«Good question, Tony. I appreciate your getting me started.
A few minutes ago I was wishing I had a cotherapist here to help
me, and then you come along and do the job. You`re good at this.
Therapy could have been a good career for you. Let`s see.Why
now? I`ve asked that question so many times, and yet this may be
the first time I`ve had it come my way. First, I think you`re all
right–on when you say it`s not because of my bargain with Philip.
Yet I can`t dismiss that entirely because there is something to his
point about the I–thou relationship. To quote Philip, the idea is вЂnot
without merit.`” Julius smiled at Philip but received no smile in
return.
Julius continued, «What I mean is, thereis some problem
with the lack of reciprocity in the authentic therapy relationship—
it`s a knotty question. So addressing that problem is part of my
reason for accepting Philip`s challenge.»
Julius wanted a response. He felt he had been speaking too
long. He turned to Philip. «How doyou feel about what I`ve said so
far?»
Philip jerked his head around, startled at Julius`s question.
After a moment`s deliberation he said, «It seems generally agreed
here that I`m one of those who have chosen to reveal a great deal.
That`s inaccurate. Someone in the group revealed something about
their experience with me, and I revealed what I did only in the
service of historical accuracy.»
«Want to tell me what`s that got to do with anything?» asked
Tony.
«Exactly,” said Stuart. «Talk about accuracy, Philip! First,
for the record, I`m not one who`s thought you`ve revealed
yourself. But, mainly I want to say your answer is nowhere near
the mark. It has zero to do with Julius`s question about your
feelings.»
Philip seemed to take no offense. «Right. Okay, back to
Julius`s question—I think I was confounded by his question
because Ihad no feelings. There was nothing in what he said to
warrant an emotional response.»
«Thatat least is relevant,” said Stuart. «Your earlier response
came out of left field.»
«I am so tired of your pseudodementia game here!» Pam,
slapping her thigh in exasperation, spit out her words to Philip.
«And I`m pissed at your refusing to give me a name! This referring
to me as вЂsomeone in the group` is insulting and imbecilic.»
«Bypseudodementia you imply I feign ignorance?» said
Philip, avoiding Pam`s glare.
«Glory be,” said Bonnie, raising her arms, «A first. The two
of you are acknowledging one another, actually speaking.»
Pam ignored Bonnie`s remark and continued speaking to
Philip. «Pseudodementia is a compliment compared to its
alternative. You say you can find nothing in Julius`s remark
warranting a response. Howcan anyone have no responses to
Julius?» Pam`s eyes blazed.
«For example?» asked Philip. «You obviously have
something in mind for me to feel.»
«Let`s trygratitude for taking you and your thoughtless and
insensitive question seriously. Let`s tryrespect for keeping his I–thou promise to you. Or how aboutsorrow for what he went
through in the past. Orfascination or evenidentification with his
unruly sexual feelings. Oradmiration for his willingness to work
with you, with all of us, despite his cancer. And that`s just for
starters.» Pam raised her voice: «How could younot have
feelings?» Pam looked away from Philip, breaking off their
contact.
Philip didn`t answer. He sat still as a Buddha, leaning
forward in his chair, gazing at the floor.
In the deep silence following Pam`s outburst Julius
wondered how best to continue. Often it was better to wait—one of
his favorite therapy axioms was«strike when the iron is cold!»
Viewing therapy, as he so often did, as a sequence of
emotion activation followed by integration, Julius reflected upon
the abundance of emotional expression today. Perhaps too much.
Time to move on to understanding and integration. Choosing an
oblique route, he turned to Bonnie, «So, what about theвЂglory be!
`”
«Reading my thoughts again, Julius? How do you do it? I
was just thinking about that crack and regretting it. I`m afraid it
came out wrong and sounded mocking. Did it?» She looked at Pam
and then Philip.
«I didn`t think so at the time,” said Pam, «but yeah, looking
back, there`s some mocking there.»
«Sorry,” said Bonnie. «But this boiling caldron here, you
and Philip sniping, all those carom shots—I just felt relieved by the
directness. And you?» she turned to Philip. «You resent my
comment?»
«Sorry.» Philip continued looking down. «It didn`t register. I
was only aware of the glare in her eyes.»
«Her?» said Tony.
«In Pam`s eyes.» He turned to Pam, his voice quavered for
an instant, «in your eyes, Pam,”
«Okay, man,” said Tony, «nowwe`re rolling.»
«Were you scared, Philip?» asked Gill. «It`s not easy to be
on the receiving end ofthat, is it?»
«No, I was entirely preoccupied in my search for some way
of not allowing her glare, her words, her opinion to matter to me. I
mean, Pam,your words,your opinion.»
«Sounds like you and I have something in common, Philip,”
said Gill. «You`re like me—we both have our problems with
Pam.»
Philip looked at Gill and nodded, perhaps a nod of gratitude,
Julius thought. When it seemed clear that Philip was not going to
offer more, Julius looked around the group to bring in other
members. He never passed up an opportunity to widen the
interaction network: with the faith of an evangelist he believed that
the more members involved in the interaction, the more effective
the group. He wanted to engage Pam—her outburst toward Philip
was still ringing in the air. To that end, he addressed Gill and said,
«Gill, you say it`s not easy to be on the receiving end of Pam`s
comments...and last week you referred to Pam as the chief
justice—can you say more?»
«Oh, it`s just my stuff, I know, I`m not sure and I`m not a
good judge of this, but—”
Julius interrupted, «Stop! Let`s freeze the action right here.
At this instant.» He turned to Pam: «Look at what Gill just said. Is
that related to your saying you don`t or can`t listen to him?»
«Exactly,” said Pam. «Quintessential Gill. Look, Gill, here`s
what you just announced:вЂDon`t pay any attention to what I`m
about to say. It`s not important—I`m not important—it`s just my
stuff. Don`t want to offend. Don`t listen to me.` Not only do you
disqualify yourself, but it is vapid. Downright tedious. Christ, Gill!
You got something to say? Just stand up and say it!»
«So, Gill,” Julius asked, «if you were goingto say it straight
out without preamble, what would it be?» That good old
conditional voice ploy.
«I`d say to her—to you, Pam—youare the judge I fear here.
You sit in judgment of me. I`m uneasy—no, I`m downright
terrified, in your presence.»
«That`s straight, Gill.Now I`m listening,” said Pam.
«So, Pam,” said Julius, «that`s two men here—Philip and
Gill—who express fear of you. Do you have some reaction to
that?»
«Yep—a big reaction: вЂThat`s their problem.`”