He shifts behind me, one of his hands resting on my arm and twitching. Is he touching my skin deliberately as a lead-in to something else? It’s so hard to tell. “My silence is not anger. I am…not good at expressing myself with words.” He pauses. “I am used to being alone.”
I appreciate his words, and reach out to pat the hand resting on my arm. “I’m probably going to have a great deal of questions for you. Is that all right? I’m not familiar with your life or your people and I will probably ask a lot.”
“And here I thought you had pleasured a great many sea-ogres.”
My tongue sticks to the roof of my mouth. I’m frozen. I don’t know what to say to him. He’s calling me out on my lies, but we both already know that I’m a liar. Is he chastising me? How do I respond to that?
He gives my arm a squeeze. “Joke.”
Oh.
I feel as if I can breathe again. A tense laugh rushes out of me. “You had me worried.”
“I don’t like lies.”
I wait for him to go on, and when he doesn’t, the silence turns awkward again. Do I tell him I won’t lie again? I’ll surely be lying then, because lies have become second nature to me. I don’t know when I’m going to lie. They just sometimes slip out. “I…understand.”
The quiet is so intense in the tent it starts to feel oppressive. Is he waiting for me to say something more? I chew on my lip, fretting.
Just go to sleep, I tell myself. Quit asking him so many questions since you’re not prepared for his answers. But I’m not ready yet, not when I’m just now really and truly talking to Ranan for the first time since we met. “Do you have family?” I ask brightly. “Brothers? Sisters? Parents?”
Pause.
“You’re asking now?”
“Is now a bad time?”
I get the impression that he bites back a sigh before he answers me. “I have parents on the flotilla.”
Well, now I have more questions. “A flotilla? What’s that?”
“Hamarii cluster together into a family unit, laying their flippers atop one another and drift in the open waters while they eat. It allows many of us to live close together. Like your land-bound villages. That is where my family is. Our flotilla.”
How very fascinating. He sounds fond of them. He says the word “flotilla” almost like a caress. “And yet you are not with them?”
A hint of a smile touches his hard mouth. Just a hint. “Akara is at an age where she is territorial. She does not like other females near her. Some hamarii are more aggressive than others, and Akara is one. I raised her from a hatchling and we have a bond. I could choose to release her from our bond or leave with her.” He shrugs. “So I left with her. I still visit my family, but never for long.”
There’s no resentment in his tone. Whatever his bond is with his turtle, it’s enough for him. Of course, a territorial turtle raises new kinds of issues. “Is she…going to be upset that you have a wife?”
“No.” He pauses and then adds, almost reluctantly, “She already thinks of you as mine. Do you have more questions?”
“Far too many. Should I stop asking?”
His mouth flattens again. “You should sleep.”
I probably should, but now my mind is whirling with all kinds of thoughts. Things like what I’ll do to get on Akara’s good side. What I’ll do to get on Ranan’s good side. Surely he has a good side. There seems an obvious way to get him to like me and yet… “Can I ask one more question?”
Another heavy sigh. “Go ahead.”
“Since I’m your wife, are we going to have sex soon?” I blurt out, and continue on before he can interrupt. “I’m just asking because we should think about prevention of some kind unless you want to have children. Back in my village, there was a wise-woman that sold honeycombs packed with dung, and we could use those as a preventative. But I have nothing like that right now and I’m not sure where I’d even find a honeycomb.”
Ranan pauses. “You would eat that?” Disgust is clear in his voice.
“Um, no. You put it inside you to catch the seed and make it go sour.”
His big body jerks in response. “That’s disgusting. You won’t do anything like that.”
Oh, very well then. I suppose he feels quite strongly about things like that. Some people don’t like a wise-woman’s methods, but I’ve never heard anyone complain. I’m just as happy not stuffing dirty honeycombs anywhere myself. “Then you’ll have to pull out. Which is fine, truly—you can come on my tits or my belly, and that’s always a nice thing. I’m just bringing it up so there’s no surprises.”
“It’s not a concern for us right now.” His voice is tight.
It’s not? He’s so very confusing, my new husband. Perhaps he doesn’t want a wife for bodily pleasures. Or companionship. Perhaps he just wants me to work alongside him. I suppose it could be worse. “If you say so.”
“Go to sleep.”
“Can I ask you more questions tomorrow?”
“Go to sleep, Vali.”
Oh, he used my name. That means I’ve pushed beyond his patience. “Good night, then, Ranan.”
I wake up before dawn the next morning with the irritating urge to pee. Using the necessity is one of the things I like least about living upon the turtle’s back. I have to get into the water and relieve myself, or I have to hang my arse over the edge of the turtle’s shell and do my business that way. I can’t help but worry that the turtle’s going to take offense in some way to my doings and fling me off her back.
So because I know it’ll be a whole thing, I lie quietly in Ranan’s arms and listen to him breathing.
It’s…oddly nice. Our sleeping arrangements aren’t the most comfortable, but I’m not sure what can be done on a turtle’s back. I can’t imagine a bed full of down pillows and soft blankets. They’d get ruined quickly. Ranan’s body is warm, though, and his arms don’t feel as strange as they did when I met him. He’s got four arms and a sail-like fin atop his head, yet he is normal in every other way.
Well, almost every other way.
Truly, I’ve slept in worse. After my last owner died and I was enslaved again, I slept in a stable when things were pleasant and on the hearth in the kitchen when the stable grew too crowded. There’s no one here to flick my skirts, there’s no lice, no one’s stepping on me or slapping me to wake me up because the chamberpots need to be emptied. There’s just Ranan to keep happy, and he’s a bit moody, but I can handle moody.
He’s just one person.
Well, I need to keep him and his turtle happy. But this feels doable. For the first time in a very long time, I’m not worried about what my future will be.
Vor of the Seas is looking out for me.
…I’ve really got to get that fish for him. To show him my thanks.
Turning in Ranan’s embrace, I tap him gently on the chest to try and wake him and then get distracted. He’s got hard pectorals, but that’s expected. His entire body is hard and lean. It’s the fact that he’s got a second set of pectoral muscles below the first set, like his upper chest has been stacked twice by whatever god made him. It’s fascinating to get a chance to truly study our differences, and I trace my fingertips over that lower set of muscles.
His hand closes over mine, stopping me.
“Sorry,” I say, breathless. “I didn’t mean to wake you.”
“Yes, you did.” He doesn’t open his eyes, his body relaxed except for the one hand pinning mine.
“Very well, so I did. It’s just habit for me to say things like that. But I do need you awake. I want to get a fish for Vor today. I don’t want him to think I’ve forgotten about him.” I tap my captured hand against his skin. “So if you could please show me where the big fish are, I shall stay out of your way.”