‘The given number has a thousand digits,’ said Dixy.
‘Why thank you, Dixy. That’s very helpful of you.’
‘I’m not trying to help you; I told you so that you could put your effort into its proper perspective. I estimate that it will take the metaprogram at least forty-eight hours to find all the primes within the given number.’
‘You could tell me the primes,’ said Rimmer. ‘And save me a lot of time.’
‘I can’t do that, Mister Rimmer. As head of security you should know I’m programmed to refuse that request. Data protection is part of my alpha program. That takes precedence over everything.’
‘I’ll find him sooner or later, Dixy.’
‘Later looks more probable from where I’m sitting.’
Rimmer nodded patiently. Once he had Dallas’s encryption scheme he could get a track on the computer in Dallas’s breast pocket. Only then did Rimmer stand a chance of establishing Dallas’s whereabouts by maintaining surveillance of his various account numbers. Of course this was just the most obvious way of doing it. Other ways were already beginning to suggest themselves.
‘How about you just supply me with the given, and we’ll call it quits?’
‘That’s the easy part, Mister Rimmer. I estimate the metaprogram will establish the given number in less than three hours and forty-one minutes. After that it’s just simple arithmetic.’
Rimmer could see that Dixy was right. Until the metaprogram had cracked the encryption it wouldn’t be in a position to apply the leverage he needed. He decided to try something else while the program went about its laborious task.
‘Then in the meantime, why don’t we take a look at you, Dixy. Maybe there’s something else in your configuration the metaprogram can get some leverage on.’
‘Me? I don’t think so.’
‘You’re being too modest. And talking of modesty, I think you’d better take your clothes off. If we’re going to strip you down, then we ought to start with the obvious.’
‘You can’t embarrass a computer program, Mister Rimmer,’ said Dixy removing her clothes.
‘No, but it gives me something to look at while I’m working out how to play this showdown. You never know, it might even help us to achieve a symbiosis.’
‘Showdown sounds more likely,’ Dixy said when she was naked.
Rimmer looked her up and down and nodded critically. ‘So that’s what’s in Dallas’s head,’ he said. ‘He likes a part-shaven pussy and medium-sized tits. Turn around.’
Dixy turned her back on Rimmer.
‘Now face me again.’
‘Surely you have a Motion Parallax assistant of your own, Mister Rimmer,’ said Dixy, facing her inquisitor again.
‘Oh sure. But my taste in women runs a little cheaper than Dallas’s. My own assistant is rather more obviously equipped than you are, Dixy. Some might even say she was something of a caricature. That in itself is revealing. Similarly, seeing you helps me to gain an insight into Dallas. You know, you’re not a bit like his wife. Now she was a real beauty.’ Rimmer took Aria’s underwear out of his pocket and wiped his nose with it. ‘These are her panties,’ he said. ‘I took them off her body, after I’d shot her.’
‘Why?’
‘It’s a common enough fetish.’
‘That’s something I find impossible to understand,’ said Dixy. ‘The fetishistic belief that the appropriation of a thing may secure the services of the spirit lodged within it. Surely you don’t believe that, Mister Rimmer?’
‘I’m not sure I could honestly say that I accepted as literal truth the personal consciousness of Aria Dallas’s flimsy unmentionables. Nevertheless I can testify to their considerable power.’
Rimmer returned his gaze to the faux fenêtre.
‘But wait. What light from yonder window breaks? There are two Motion Parallax programs described here. And one of them is a pet program. A little dog. Now isn’t that sweet?’ Rimmer grinned unpleasantly. ‘Perhaps Dallas liked to see you fucking the dog. Is that it?’
‘Is that what you’d like to see, Mister Rimmer?’
‘You don’t distract me so easily, Dixy.’ Rimmer shook his head. ‘That kind of thing wasn’t Dallas’s style, was it? Where exactly is the dog, right now?’
‘It’s around somewhere. Just not in here.’
‘No matter. The question is why you have a dog at all, when most of the perverts in this company who want a second Motion Parallax just have another girl for pornographic purposes. Like Tanaka. He thought I didn’t know about that. But I did.’
‘Dallas thought a little dog would keep me company.’
‘He’s a soft-hearted bastard, our Dallas. And does it? Keep you company?’
‘Yes.’
‘Good. That makes things a lot easier.’
‘I’m not sure I follow you, Mister Rimmer.’
‘Better and better. I hate to be second-guessed by a computer. Ever read William Blake, Dixy?’
‘Many thousands of times.’
‘Then you’ll probably remember Blake once said that “nothing is real beyond imaginative patterns men make of reality.” I was wondering if the same might not apply to the imaginative patterns men make of unreality. In particular you and your dog. How real is that dog to you, I wonder?’
‘As real as you are, Mister Rimmer.’
‘Let’s hope so.’
‘Are we going to discuss phenomenalism?’
‘There’s a taint of solipsism about what I have in mind for you, Dixy. You see, unless you tell me what I want to know, I shall instruct the metaprogram to erase your dog.’
‘What purpose would that serve?’
‘To cause you pain and distress.’
‘I can’t feel pain.’
‘Loneliness is a kind of pain, isn’t it?’
‘Are you commenting on your own experience, Mister Rimmer?’
‘In a way.’
‘Pet programs can be replaced.’
‘Yes, but they take time to grow and to acquire their personalities. That’s what makes them such fun. But nobody is going to replace this pet program. Not for you, Dixy. The one man who gave a damn for your Cartesian predicament isn’t going to write you another. Not ever. Imagine that.’
Dixy said nothing.
‘I see you can imagine it.’ Rimmer nodded. ‘I’ll bet you’re quite attached to this little dog. I mean, Dallas wasn’t the type just to create a pet program and not add something to your own alpha program that would cause you to love your pet. Just as you were programmed to love Dallas. Maybe even love the dog more than him. That would be typical of him. It would help to assuage the guilt many humans feel in relation to their Motion Parallax assistants.’
‘But not you, Mister Rimmer. I don’t imagine you ever feel guilt about anything.’
‘Well I certainly won’t lose any sleep over having to erase a Motion Parallax. Especially when it’s one I didn’t create myself. Quite apart from the effect it might have on you, Dixy, destroying a program that Dallas had written would give me a great deal of pleasure — as a simple corollary of the pleasure he must have gained in creating the program. It’s a very personal thing, the relationship between a programmer and his program. I’m sure you understand. Now where’s that fucking dog?’
Rimmer ordered the metaprogram to find Dixy’s dog. Seconds later she was hugging a Jack Russell terrier to her see-through bare breast.
‘Aw, what a cute little doggy,’ said Rimmer. ‘It’s going to be such a shame to have to erase him.’