Frevisse shivered from more than the day’s cold and the stone’s chill. She stood up. There were still her daily duties to be done, including returning Joliffe’s dagger to him, and she had best see to doing them. She had thought as far as she could with what little she knew, and could only hope Father Henry would return with answers that she needed.
17
MEG KNELT IN the shadows at the back of the church, beyond the choir. She was not sure she should be here. This was where the nuns prayed; her own church was down in the village. She had meant to go directly from the guesthall to the kitchen, but the nuns’ singing had drawn her as she went through the cloister, and when they had left she had slipped in and along the nave to kneel here with her thoughts that were not quite prayers, only a seeking to know what God wanted of her, and if He was pleased with what she had managed for Sym and Barnaby.
Beyond a numbness in her mind and heart, she knew that she was grieving for Sym. But she was past tears. Her only strong feeling seemed to be the dim joy of knowing he was safe from Hell, that he would someday go from Purgatory into Heaven’s golden light. She had done that for him. So while there was the stone-hard weight of losing him on earth, she also had the certainty that he was safe, and the comfort of that was great.
“My child.” The voice beside her was so soft and Meg so far into her thoughts that for an instant the words seemed a part of her own mind, come to answer her from wherever prayers went for answering. Then she realized a nun was standing beside her, and she struggled up from her stiff knees to curtsey unsteadily. She knew the sister’s face but not her name. It was hard to learn the nuns’ names when most of them never spoke at all, or so it seemed. The soothing lack of clacking chatter inside the cloister was one of the things she loved about the priory, so different from the village.
Now this sister put out a gentle hand toward her shoulder, not quite touching, and said softly, “I only wondered if you would rather come kneel at the altar instead of back here.”
Meg turned her wonder-widened eyes toward the altar, the heart of the church. Covered by a damask cloth of spotless white, set with the golden-clasped prayer book, the gleaming candlesticks, and little golden house enclosing the bread and wine that were Christ’s living body and blood, it had a special light of its own, kinder than sunlight, as mysterious as the undying flame in the red-glass lamp hanging above it.
“I couldn’t go there,” Meg whispered. “Not there.”
“Yes, you can. I’m Sister Fiacre. I’m sacristan here and the church and everything in it are my duty. I promise you can go to the altar’s very step if you want. Come with me.”
With her hand under Meg’s elbow to guide her, she drew her toward the three steps that led up to the altar. At the bottom one, she said softly, “This is where I pray when I can. When I’m here, and it’s quiet, I can feel Lord Jesus’s comfort all around me, almost hear his words, and know God is pouring himself over me like healing ointment and the Holy Ghost is waiting to enter my soul with peace.”
Meg began to pull back. She did not understand the words but they sounded as holy as anything any priest might say. At the same time, she felt the sister’s fragility, and was afraid of how easy it would be to hurt her. But she protested, “I shouldn’t be here.”
“You’re one of God’s children. The blessed Mary, mother of Jesus, stood at the foot of the cross and watched her own son die. She has a special care for any mother who suffers a son’s loss. Kneel here and ask her to ask her resurrected son to comfort you.”
Meg thought for a panicked moment that Sister Fiacre meant she was to ask for Sym’s resurrection. Then she understood, and even found the word for it. “Intercession,” she said.
Sister Fiacre’s pale lips parted in surprise, even respect. Then she nodded and said, “That’s right. Ask the blessed mother’s intercession. And how can so perfect a son as Jesus deny what his own mother asks of him?”
Meg’s uncertainty went away. Sister Fiacre must have seen her acceptance because she said with a kind smile, “So you can pray here as long as you want. You’ll not bother me at my work.”
Awed at the thought of working in a place where she herself hardly dared come at all, Meg asked, “You work here? What do you do?”
Sister Fiacre’s smile made her whole face wistful with remembered pleasure. “I see that the church is swept, the altar cloths clean, Father Henry’s vestments ready, all the gold and brass and glass polished, the candles trimmed to burn their best, the prayer books marked to the right text, new herbs strewn to freshen the air. If needed, I see that things are repaired or replaced. Everything must reflect God’s glory and aid our worshiping here. And then…” She looked around at everything. “And then when all is done and if I have a little time, I kneel here and pray, and if I’ve done very well, I sometimes feel St. Frideswide is thanking me for what I’ve done to keep her church lovely.”
“The saint comes to you?” Meg breathed.
Warming to Meg’s admiration, Sister Fiacre said, “Not to be seen, of course. That’s not been granted me. But I can feel her presence. Her veil is in the altar, you know. And one of her fingernails. You know her story? She refused to marry a prince in order to be a nun. The abbey she founded is in Oxford, and so is her tomb, but a part of her is here, too. And I can feel the warmth of her love wrapping me all around and her pleasure that I’ve done well. It’s like nothing of the world at all. Maybe she’ll come to you, too, while you’re here, and ease your heart.”
Meg, wrapped in a kind of holy enthusiasm, said, “Maybe, if…Could I help you with your work?”
Sister Fiacre hesitated, looking doubtful. “Instead of praying?”
Meg clasped her hands. “Isn’t work a kind of praying? Father Clement in the village used to say that. That we should do our work as a kind of prayer to God instead of complaining of it. Surely, taking care of God’s holy church must be prayer of the best kind. And it would ease my heart.”
As soon as she said it, she knew that was the best plea she could have made. Sister Fiacre nodded. “Of course, child,” she murmured, though she was probably barely older than Meg herself. “Of course. Come and help me.”
The little while then was a treasure to Meg. Humbly aware of the blessing she was given, she swept the tile floor in the choir and ran a polishing cloth over the already gleaming wood of the nuns’ choir stalls. Here was where they stood all those times every day and in the night with their prayers and singing to God. Except for the altar itself, there must be no more holy place in the priory. She moved with conscious silence and deep reverence, leaving reluctantly, returning gladly when Sister Fiacre gave her a bowl of rosemary and meadowsweet and other herbs to strew along the floor so their sweet scents would rouse under the feet of the nuns.
She of course did not handle the altar or its furnishings, but watched with awe while Sister Fiacre did with a humble familiarity, and handed her the polishing cloths and took them back from her, deeply aware that they had touched the holy things themselves. She held them reverently while Sister Fiacre made sure everything was set precisely as it should be on the altar, and gave them up only reluctantly when Sister Fiacre came to take them to put away.
Sister Fiacre had scarcely come back from that when there was a broad sweep of full daylight and a strong draft of cold outside air along the nave as the church’s wide western door was pushed open. Used to the church’s subdued light and silences, Meg instinctively drew back toward the shadows of the choir stalls, thinking again that maybe she should not be here. But Sister Fiacre swung around sharply, putting herself directly between the altar and the intruders, as if to defend it.