“But where does it get me?” Jaypaw argued. “The rest of my Clan think I’m useless.”
“They don’t know the power that you have.”
“Power?” Jaypaw echoed.
Spottedleaf was trembling now. “Jaypaw, you have power enough to shape the destiny of your entire Clan.”
Jaypaw stared at her. “But I want to be a warrior!”
“Accept your destiny!”
“It’s not fair!”
“I know.” The medicine cat’s voice suddenly grew soft. She brushed his muzzle with her tail, silencing him. Jaypaw felt weariness spread through his limbs, dragging him toward sleep. “Your gift is not a burden,” she whispered. “But you must be brave, because it has more power than the sharpest claw…”
Jaypaw tried to fight the sleepiness. There were still questions he wanted answered. “No,” he complained weakly as his legs buckled beneath him.
Jaypaw opened his eyes. The world was black once more, and his body ached with cold. He was lying beside the Moonpool. Slowly he got to his paws and stretched. The image of StarClan’s hunting grounds was still fresh in his mind as he followed the path out of the hollow.
More power than the sharpest claw…
When he reached the top, Jaypaw glanced over his shoulder.
The hollow was filled with starlight—he knew it as surely as if he could see it. The Moonpool was radiant beneath the brilliant light, and every rock and stone shone like crystal.
The whispering that had followed him down to the Moonpool rose again until the voices swirled around him like a relentless wind.
Accept your destiny, Jaypaw.
And in that instant, he realized that however many moons he searched, and however far he ran, he would never escape what he had known all along.
Chapter 17
Hollypaw woke up long before dawn. The walls of the medicine den glistened with frost. She had tossed and turned for most of the night, and she knew she wouldn’t be able to go back to sleep. All she could think of was how exciting the battle with ShadowClan had been, and how impossible her apprentice duties had seemed afterward, when she’d been faced with so many injured warriors. Why did healing seem to involve inflicting more suffering first?
She stretched and crept out of her nest. Her body ached, but the bruises and scratches had been worth it to see the ShadowClan warriors fleeing across the border like terrified rats. She glanced at Leafpool, who was still asleep. The medicine cat’s breath billowed in the freezing air. Careful not to disturb her, Hollypaw slipped out of the den. The brambles at the entrance were stiff with ice, and crackled as she nosed her way out.
The clearing was empty. Even the forest was silent, as though the cold had frozen every leaf, and the dawn sky glowed pink behind the frost-whitened branches at the top of the hollow. She looked hopefully toward the fresh-kill pile.
It was empty. The sudden cold had already driven most of the prey deep into their burrows, and the cats would have to wait until hunger drew them out into the open once more.
Perhaps she could find something outside the camp.
Ferncloud and her kits would need food once the sun rose.
She padded across the clearing and out through the thorn barrier.
Brook paced outside the entrance, her thick fur sparkling with frost. She jerked her head around when she heard Hollypaw’s pawsteps.
“You’re awake early.”
“I couldn’t sleep.” Hollypaw yawned. “Has the dawn patrol left yet?”
“Not yet.”
“I thought I could find some prey for Ferncloud,” Hollypaw explained.
Brook gazed at her curiously. “That’s kind, but won’t Leafpool need you this morning?”
Hollypaw sighed.
“Such a troubled sigh for one so young,” Brook meowed, her gray eyes softening with concern.
“Leafpool would probably get on better without me,” Hollypaw muttered.
“Surely not,” Brook meowed. “She couldn’t have managed to treat everyone without your help yesterday.”
“She almost had to,” Hollypaw confessed. “I was so excited after the battle, I completely forgot that I was a medicine cat apprentice. And then when I tried to help, it was awful. I had to make my Clanmates swallow foul-tasting leaves. And the balms seemed only to make the wounds sting more. It didn’t feel like I was helping at all.” She sat down miserably. “I thought that I could serve my Clanmates best as a medicine cat. That’s why I asked to be Leafpool’s apprentice. She’s so important to the Clan.”
“You want to be important?” Brook queried.
Hollypaw thought for a moment. It was more complicated than that. “Everyone respects Leafpool and listens to what she says.”
“But is being listened to and respected the same as serving your Clan?”
Hollypaw glanced up at the mountain cat. Brook’s eyes were round with sympathy. “I guess not,” she mewed. “I just thought it would be the best way to help the Clan.”
“And now you think differently?”
“I don’t think I can help the Clan at all as a medicine cat,” Hollypaw mewed quietly. “I can’t remember the names of the herbs. I feel more excited about fighting ShadowClan than fighting sickness. And I’d rather hunt for mice than borage or tansy.” Frustration welled inside her. “It’s all gone wrong! No cat will ever respect me now.”
Brook ran her the tip of her tail down Hollypaw’s back.
“Cats win respect from their Clanmates by being loyal and brave, not holding important positions,” she meowed. “Did you think Graystripe less important than Brambleclaw when you fought beside him yesterday? Or Lionpaw less important than Leafpool when he helped you drive off that ShadowClan tom?”
Hollypaw shook her head.
“It is hard for someone so young to make such big choices,” the mountain cat went on. “When I was with the Tribe of Rushing Water, there were no such choices. All duties were divided into hunting or guarding. Prey-hunters like me were thin and lithe; guards were stocky and strong.
The decision was made from birth which duty a cat would perform best.”
Hollypaw was shocked. “You couldn’t choose at all?”
“It wasn’t impossible for a cave-guard to be a prey-hunter or a prey-hunter to be a cave-guard, but generally it was a good way to make sure each cat made the best use of the strengths they were born with.”
“I wasn’t born with a head for herbs.” Hollypaw sighed.
“Think of your strengths, not your weaknesses,” Brook urged her. “As a Clan cat, you have the freedom to shape your own destiny, which Tribe cats never have. Use that freedom wisely.”
Hollypaw remembered her battle training with Cinderpaw. Every move had come so naturally. Even Cloudtail had been impressed. And in the battle she had known instinctively what she was doing when she had knocked that ShadowClan warrior’s paws from under him. “I can fight,” she mewed, flexing her claws.
“You have warrior strengths,” Brook agreed. “What better way to serve your Clan than by being the best warrior you can?”
Hollypaw’s heart felt lighter than it had for days.
“Don’t forget, though, you will have to tell Leafpool.”
Hollypaw sagged a little. “Of course.” She looked down at her paws. “She’ll think I’m letting her down.”
“Leafpool is wise enough to see where your gifts lie,” Brook meowed. “She will only think you courageous for speaking up now, rather than struggling on out of pride or stubbornness.”
“Do you think so?”
“You will be doing what is best for your Clan. Leafpool will know that.”
The sound of pawsteps inside the thorn barrier warned that the dawn patrol was preparing to leave. Hollypaw blinked gratefully at Brook. “Thank you,” she whispered.