"No!"
"Eh? Mr. Kiku, did I understand you correctly?"
"Mr. Secretary," Mr. Kiku said tensely, "I couldn't possibly do that. I... I'm subject to stage fright."
"What? Why, that's absurd! You helped me open the Triangular Conference. You spoke without notes for thirty minutes."
"That's different. That's shop talk, with other professionals."
The Secretary frowned. "I hate to insist, if it really makes you nervous. But Mrs. Murgatroyd asked for you especially. You see..." MacClure looked mildly embarrassed. '... Pidgie-Widgie preaches racial tolerance and so forth. Brothers under the skin... the sort of thing we all want to encourage. So?"
Mr. Kiku said fimly, "I'm sorry."
"Come now! Surely you're not going to force me to insist?"
"Mr. Secretary," Kiku answered quietly, "you will find that my job description does not require me to be a stereovision actor. If you will give me a written order, I will submit it to our legal bureau for opinion, then answer you officially."
Mr. MacClure frowned. "Henry, you can be a stubborn little beast, can't you? I wonder how you got so high in the heap?"
Mr. Kiku did not answer; MacClure went on, "I won't let you pull the rule book on me; I'm too old a fox. Though I must say I didn't think you would do that tome."
"Sorry, sir. I really am."
"So am I. I'll try to. convince you that it is important to the department, whether a civil servant can be ordered to do it or not. You see, Beulah Murgatroyd is the power behind 'The Friends of Lummox.' So..."
"'The Friends of Lummox'?"
"I knew you would see it differently. After all, you've been handling that whoop-te-do. Therefore..."
"What in heaven's name are 'The Friends of Lummox'?"
"Why, you set up the original interview with them yourself. But if I hadn't happened to lunch with Wes Robbins, we might have missed the boat on it."
"I seem to recall a memorandum. A routine matter."
"Mrs. Murgatroyd is not routine, I've been trying to tell you. You precedent-and-protocol boys lose touch with the people. If you don't mind my saying so, that's why you never quite get to the top."
"I don't mind in the least," Mr. Kiku said gently.
"Eh?" The Secretary looked slightly embarrassed. "I mean, there's a place for a grass-roots politician, like me, with his finger on the pulse.. . though I admit I don't have your special training. You see?"
"There is work for both our talents, sir. But go on. Perhaps I did 'miss the boat' in this instance. The 'Friends of Lummox' memorandum must have come through before the name meant anything to me."
"Probably. I wasn't criticizing your attention to duty, Henry. Fact is, you work too hard... the universe won't run down if you don't wind it. But about this F. of L. deal-we intervened in some silly case out west; you know about it, you sent one of our people-the case turned out to be about his Hoorussian Lummox, The court's verdict... our verdict, you might say, was to destroy the beast. By the way, Henry, have you disciplined the man responsible?"
"No, sir."
"Why the delay?"
"He won't be disciplined, sir. He was perfectly right, on the evidence."
"I don't see it that way. Better send his file jacket to my office. I want to consider it myself."
"Sir," Mr. Kiku said softly, "were you thinking of reversing me on a matter of administrative discipline?"
"Eh? I intend to review the matter."
"Because if you are, sir, you can have my resignation now. My usefulness will be at an end."
"What? Henry, don't be nasty." The Secretary drummed on Mr. Kiku's desk. "Confound it, man, let's be frank with each other. I know that you career men can make it hard for an appointee if you try... I didn't get into politics yesterday. But as long as I am holding the sack, I intend to have discipline around here. My privilege?"
"Yes... your privilege."
"And my responsibility. Probably you are right about this man, whoever he is... you're usually right, or we couldn't keep things going. But it is my responsibility to review things whenever I think it necessary. However, there is no call for you to talk about resigning until I actually do reverse you. Since you have forced the issue, if I do find it necessary to reverse you on this, I'll ask for your resignation. But until I do, keep your shirt on. Fair enough?"
"Fair enough. I was hasty, Mr. Secretary. The file jacket will be on your desk."
"On second thought, don't bother. If you are carrying one of your favorites..."
"I have no favorites, Mr. MacClure. I dislike them all, impersonally."
"Sometimes I think you hate yourself. Now where were we? Oh yes! Well, when we made that terrible bust about the Hoorussian, Mrs. Murgatroyd saw a chance to do a good deed. Oh, I suppose she was out to pep up her program, but that's beside the point. Right away, Pidgie-Widgie started telling all his little friends about this. terrible thing and asked them all to write in and join the Friends of Lummox. She got over three million replies in the first twenty-four hours. By now half the kids on this continent and nobody knows how many elsewhere are 'Friends of Lummox,' pledged to protect him from persecution."
"Her," corrected Mr. Kiku.
"Eh?"
"I beg your pardon. I suppose neither term is correct. The Hroshii come in six assorted sexes. You can call Lummox either 'him' or 'her'... we really need new, words. But it doesn't matter."
"Well, it certainly doesn't to me," agreed MacClure. "But if we had actually put the quietus on this Lummox, I believe the kids would have started a revolution. I really do. Not to mention the adults who are Pidgie-Widgie fans. Even so, the department got a black eye out of it. But Beulah Murgatroyd is willing to go along with a deal to help us out. She interviews us and I answer the general questions and you back me on the details-all about how the department is careful to protect the rights of our non-human friends and how everybody ought to be tolerant-the usual line. Then Pidgie-Widgie asks what happened to Lummox and you tell the kiddies how Lummox was really sort of a fairy prince in disguise... or princess... and how Lummox has gone away to his home in the sky. It will be terrific."
MacClure added, "That's all you have to do. They patch in a shot of Lummox getting into the Hoorussian ship and waving goodbye. Then we all eat a bowl of Hunkies-don't worry, I'll see that your bowl is empty!-and Pidgie-Widgie sings his 'Skylarker' song. End. It won't take twenty minutes and it will be a big thing for the department. Okay?"
"No."
"Now, Henry... All right, you won't even have to pretend to eat Hunkies."
"No."
"Henry, you're impossible. Don't you agree that it is our business to help train up the kids to understand their responsibilities and have right attitudes in this modern age-the age of the Community of Civilizations?"
"No, sir, I do not. That is the business of parents and educators, not of government. This department has more than it can do just to try to hold things together in the face of ever-increasing xenic problems." Mr. Kiku added to himself: even if I did agree, I wouldn't do it by eating Hunkies!
"Hmm... A narrow attitude, Henry. A bureaucratic one, if I may say so. You know perfectly well that we are in hot water about this Hoorussian thing from other directions, too, with The Society for the Preservation of the Status Quo screaming for isolation and the Keep Earth Human League jumping on us. It gets the Council uneasy. Along comes a chance to build up public opinion against such crackpots and you won't even help. You don't have the Status Quo people and the Human-Earth jokers bothering you-because I keep them off your neck."