“Yeah, but do you?”
She tilts her head to the side and chews on the side of her mouth, like she’s really giving my question some serious thought. “You know, I want to believe it and sometimes I do, because I can still remember him, can still feel him here”—she motions to her heart—“but other times I just feel this void and it’s as if he’s disappeared from within the caverns of the earth.”
I nod. I appreciate her honesty. She’s treating me like an adult.
Elsey stirs in her bed, yawns, and then her eyes blink open. “Hi, Adele!” Although her voice is weak, there’s a certain energy in it, but the same energy doesn’t make it to her face, which is ashen. She looks so pale she almost appears dead, if not for her half-open eyes and limp smile.
“Hey, El,” I say, trying to keep my voice steady and the waiting tears from my eyes. “How are you feeling?”
“Like I just lost an arm,” she says, smiling weakly.
I bite my lip, wishing I could laugh, if only to make her happy. Underneath the covers it’s easy to forget that she’s not whole anymore.
“It’s okay, Adele,” she says, acting the role of the big sister, as usual. “I survived. Because of you.”
Despite my efforts, a tear rolls down my cheek, stinging my skin. “But you lost…and Dad is….” I can’t get the words out, even now.
“I’m fine,” she says, sticking her jaw out. “And Dad is…in a better place. Away from all the bad people.” Away from all the good people, too, I want to say, but I don’t. How can she be so strong when she’s the one who lost an arm and a father? Why do I feel so weak? I try to think about my sister’s words, try to take strength from them, like she does. Dad is in a better place. Is it true? Is he somewhere, his soul flying high, away from his broken body, away from the turmoil and strife of the Tri-Realms? Is he on Earth, aboveground, seeing the real moon and real sun and real stars for the first time, feeling the wind through his hair, the sunlight on his skin, the rain on his face? Maybe he is. Who am I to say Elsey is wrong? Warmth suddenly fills my chest and I know I’ll get through this, just like all the bad times before. It’s not about what I don’t have, it’s about what I do. My mom. My sister. Tristan. Tawni and Roc and even Trevor. Family and friends—that’s all I’ll ever need.
* * *
The funeral is a blur of tears and speeches and emotions and I don’t remember any of it when it’s over. As is the custom of the moon dwellers, they cremate him, which is good because I couldn’t have handled seeing his face again, not like that. I prefer to remember him as the man who showed me how to kick and punch on our back patio.
Tristan’s been following the news but I’ve stayed away from it. I’m just not that concerned with politics and rebellions and wars at the moment. I’m just trying to spend as much time with my family as possible. Half the moon dweller VPs are dead, but a vote will be held in a week’s time to replace them. After everything that’s happened, everyone’s expecting that once the new leaders are elected, the VPs will unanimously vote to unite with the Star Realm and support the rebellion. Evidently the Sun Realm has already officially declared war on us, which I’m not too surprised about. Tristan tells me that people are saying the first battle could occur in as soon as week’s time.
My mother asked for and was granted a couple of days off, and she wants to use it to visit our old subchapter, 14. Elsey is still too unwell to travel with us, but Roc and Tawni agreed to keep her company while we’re away. Tristan insisted on coming. He seems afraid to leave my side, maybe ever again, which is cute. Despite his good intentions, however, Mom said we needed to do this alone, and after much discussion and debate, he conceded, promising to tear the Moon Realm apart looking for us if we don’t return within two days. I thought it a bad time to remind him that the Moon Realm is already torn apart, so I just agreed with him.
Although the train ride only takes half a day and we arrive in the afternoon, the lights are off in the big cavern I used to call home. The sun dwellers have cut off all electricity to the Lower Realms and for now we have to use flashlights and lanterns until the Moon Realm engineers come up with a solution to the problem.
As we walk through the city, the beams from our bouncing and bobbing flashlights reveal the destruction that took place a lifetime ago. Memories of the explosions as we climbed the fence to escape from prison flash through my mind like a slideshow. Buildings crumbling, cracks in the streets, the toppling of the fence. All distant memories now.
We pass a number of work crews, busily repairing the damage. They stare at us as we pass, and while outwardly they look haggard, tired, I see the fire of determination in their eyes. These are the men and women who will rebuild and then go to war for their very survival, and for the survival of their families.
The houses in our old suburb didn’t fare much better than the city. Many of them have shattered windows and crumbling roofs. Some even have gaping holes in their sides which allow us to see inside. I’m surprised to find entire families inside, sitting down to have a meal together, to play games together, to simply be together.
“They can break our things, can break our bodies, but they can’t break our spirits,” my mother says.
I feel a shot of heat in my belly, as if a match has been lit within my gut.
We reach our house, which is in shambles, the entire front wall caved in. As we step over the threshold, I can’t help but feel a twinge of pain as I remember the way my father used to look when he came through the door after work, tired but happy. We’d run to him, Elsey and I, and hug him.
When I lean against the wall, shocked by what I see, a memory is unlocked from some safe deposit box in my head, more vivid than if I was living it right now.
I’m ten years old and it’s my birthday, but it’s just like any other day. My dad wakes me up at six in the morning for training. It’s still dark in the caverns, although even at midday, the thin, pale lighting from the overhead cavern lights is dim at best. We train on the tiny stone patio behind our shoebox house. My mom is already up and getting breakfast ready, but she doesn’t say anything as I pass her. She does glance at me, however, and I can tell from the slight curl on one side of her lip that she knows it’s my birthday and wants to surprise me. I pretend not to notice.
My dad is already outside, stretching his arms and legs. I follow his lead, because if I don’t, I’ll be sore tomorrow. As I stretch my arms above my head, I see the glittering flutter of wings as a bat slides noiselessly above us. The rough, gray cave ceiling is slowly coming into focus as the cavern lights begin to brighten right on schedule.
We start with hand-to-hand combat—my favorite—and, according to my dad, the most important part of training, because “you can always count on your own hands and feet,” as he likes to say. I’m feeling energetic, which I try to use to my advantage, striking quickly with sharp stabs of my feet. But my dad is always up to the task, faster than me, blocking each attack with ease. Even when I start inventing my own moves, my dad just swats away my roundhouse kicks and judo chops like pesky gnats. He says my invented moves are creative and effective, although they never seem to work on him.
It gets frustrating sometimes, not being able to beat him, especially considering how hard I work. He says he pushes me harder than Elsey because I’m the older sister, and I can protect myself and her. That just seems like a free pass for El. He also says I’m getting stronger and faster with each training session, which sometimes is the only thing that keeps me motivated.
So I keep at it, chucking fists and feet at him faster and faster, until a thin sheen of salty sweat is coating my bare arms and legs, where my pale blue tunic won’t cover. As I begin to tire, I become bolder, lunging forward and aiming a knotted fist at his sternum, at one of the places that he told me will hurt the most. To my absolute shock, my clenched fingers slide smoothly past my dad’s blocking arms, connecting with his chest, and I feel the solid thud of bone on bone and muscle.