My headlong flight through the night was interrupted by the rind of some exotic fruit. I slipped, plopping down on the sidewalk in the most inelegant manner. It was good I wasn’t wearing the Mantle of Death—this clumsy footwork could easily have soiled my sinister reputation. The unexpectedness of my fall from grace also jolted my memory, letting loose a stream of curses from my far-off homeland, long slumbering in the recesses of my memory. Two men who were coming out of a tavern stared at me in unfeigned delight. I went quiet, and realized I should pick myself up off the mosaic sidewalk. Praise be the Magicians, at least it was dry.
I got up and looked at the signboard over the establishment from which the two men had just emerged from. The name of the tavern struck me as more than fatefuclass="underline" The Vampire’s Dinner. I smiled bitterly and went inside. What I found was fully in keeping with my expectations, and filled me with a sense of foreboding. In the semidarkness stood the solitary silhouette of the barkeeper. His hair was disheveled and his eyelids glowed phosphorescent. From his ear, naturally, dangled the Earring of Oxalla. I began to feel more cheerful. This is where I should have brought Melamori for our discussion today. I think the proprietor of this establishment would certainly have been on my side.
I sat down at the table farthest from the door. The surface was daubed with red paint. These were supposed to represent spots of blood. I considered for a moment, then ordered something from the Old Cuisine. I was lucky that unhappiness always improved my appetite.
I was served a harmless-looking piece of pie with no outward signs of the vampire esthetic. When I made a tiny incision, the pie literally blew up like a piece of popcorn that explodes over a sizzling hot fire. On my plate there was now an airy cloud of a substance so delicious I had to order another one as soon as the first portion was gone. By the way, this culinary confection was called Breath of Evil.
When I had fallen into a blissful stupor, I ordered some kamra and began to fill my pipe. On top of all the other misfortunes, my meager supply of cigarette butts had dried up. That’s how it always was with me: if it rains, it pours.
I smoked, and stared at my fellow patrons with the lively interest of an imbecile. One of them was about to leave. His hairdo was just like that of Captain Giatta, whose life I had inadvertently saved: a braid down to his belt and an ample beard. Was this fellow perhaps from the Old Maid? Some ship’s cook adding to his stockpile of trade secrets? I scrutinized the stranger more carefully. He was just fishing around for his wallet in the mysterious depths of his flowing robe. Sinning Magicians! The dull gleam of mother-of-pearclass="underline" a belt. More precisely, the Belt! Another bewitched sailor. I’d have to do something.
Of course, I could simply have arrested the fellow. It was my duty to do so. But I understood very well the remarkable behavior of Captain Giatta. A bewitched man was quite capable of believing that he had to face death rather than surrender. So I decided just to follow him. My clothes, Praise be the Magicians, were completely unobtrusive. Why not do a little spying? A much better diversion than moaning over my broken heart. I tossed a crown down on the blood-spattered table. This was, of course, too much to pay for a few pieces of pie in a dive like this, but I felt very sympathetic toward the proprietor of the Vampire’s Dinner. The disheveled slyboots caught the gleam of shiny metal and his eyes lit up. I put a finger to my lips and slipped out the door. My bearded friend was just disappearing around the corner. I quickened my pace.
I didn’t recall having been in this part of Echo before, or perhaps it was just that at night it was hard to recognize. Anyway, I wasn’t in the mood for sightseeing. I didn’t take my eyes off the back of the stranger. Where was he taking me? I already envisioned how I would discover the hideout of a whole band of belted long-beards, and Juffin and I would swoop in and save them from their benighted existence. Actually, I wasn’t too eager to repeat my recent flirtation with someone else’s death. Never mind, we’d get out of it somehow.
Sinning Magicians, who would have thought! The bearded object of my undivided attention had led me not just anywhere, but into the very heart of the Quarter of Trysts. Bewitched or not, it seemed he still suffered from loneliness and wanted to try his luck. I smiled bitterly. Lady Melamori was kicking up her heels somewhere nearby, if she hadn’t reconsidered her vow to come here seeking oblivion from my repellent embrace. I couldn’t just let this smart fellow slip away, getting his happiness for a night! And jumping into bed with the happy couple was out of the question.
But life was wiser than I was. I didn’t have to find a way out of a ridiculous situation. The stranger stopped short and turned to me.
“You’re too late, mate,” he said in the same distinctive Tasherian drawl that Captain Giatta spoke with. “Do you know how many people there are all around us? If you take another step I’ll shout for help.”
Then it dawned on me. He thought I was trying to rob him. Of course, what else would a wealthy stranger think if he had been pursued by a suspicious character in a nondescript looxi for the last half hour?
“I’m no robber,” I said, with my most charming smile. “I’m much worse. There’s no stopping me. You came at it from the wrong end. I’m from the Secret Investigative Force of the Unified Kingdom. Are you in the mood for a walk to the House by the Bridge?”
I winked at the bearded chap. The stupid circumstances of my conversation with the suspect in the middle of the Quarter of Trysts suddenly filled me with a senseless buoyancy. I swiveled my hips suggestively and pursed my lips in a Cupid’s bow.
“Tonight, I am your fate. What’s your name, handsome?”
“Handsome” gasped for air. My unbridled approach seemed to have disarmed him. But the Tasherian’s voice remained firm.
“I can’t go with you, sir. I very much regret it, but I am forced to stand my ground.”
And the bearded one drew an enormous butcher knife from under his looxi—the kind of knife that is probably considered to be an ordinary dagger in distant Tashera.
“No one loves me,” I concluded. “Fine, let’s fight it out. All the more since I know your weak point, my friend. I’m not going to slice you up into pieces. I’ll just undo your wonderful belt and see what happens. Well, have you changed your mind? Give me your little toy.”
Recent events had made me absurdly reckless. I was even surprised at myself. I seemed to have decided I had nothing to lose. My opponent seemed to think likewise.
“It’s all the same to me,” the stranger said gloomily, grasping his instrument more deftly. “We’ll have to fight. I’m very sorry, sir.”
With a sudden movement of the hand, a silver bolt of lightning pierced my stomach. Rather, it should have pierced me—only I suddenly had no stomach for it to pierce.
To tell the truth, to this day I don’t understand what happened. I was behaving like a second-rate hero of a B movie, so I should have died right there, on the mosaic sidewalk of the Quarter of Trysts. Why didn’t it happen? It’s hard to say. I think that some of Juffin Hully’s lessons must have gotten through to me, though I’m still not sure he taught me anything of the sort.
The knife fell on the mosaic, and I tried to figure out what was happening. I wasn’t there. I just wasn’t. That’s all. I had disappeared somehow, gone “nowhere” and ceased to be “something”—for the space of a second. Then I appeared again. Just in time to step on the knife with my foot, as well as on the hand of the stunned would-be killer.
“Hi!” I said. “Now we’re going to undress. Or we’ll just go straight to the House by the Bridge. As you wish, darling. Take your pick. Today is your day.”