A day’s ride on my stolen horse brought me almost to the Arentian border, where I made camp. That night I stared up at the stars and imagined a wide-eyed horse tumbling out of the sky, its hooves pumping madly as it plummeted toward the ground. I looked over at my stolid, arrogant horse, tied to a low tree branch. The absurdity of the idea made me smile.
If you wanted to say anything was possible, it was conceivable that Rhiannon had fallen from the sky in the shape of a horse and then transformed into a beautiful woman. And I guess it was also conceivable that the fall could’ve knocked her memories from her head. But none of that explained how a horse got up in the sky in the first place. Or why Queen Rhiannon was the spitting image of Epona Gray, the Queen of Horses.
Hell, I chastised myself, don’t be catty about it. Queen Rhiannon is Epona Gray.
Epona Gray, and Cathy Dumont, and Stan Carnahan and the mysterious Andrew Reese. I hadn’t thought of those names in over ten years. It was from a time in my life when I made foolish alliances far too quickly, and often found myself stuck with obligations I couldn’t fulfill. I’d learned a lot since then.
They say too much introspection is as bad for you as too much drink. The folks who say this spend a lot of time introspecting, so I guess they’d know. Forced introspection can be even worse, because no one is ever compelled to contemplate the good things in their past. You look to history to avoid the same mistakes, not repeat the same joys. That’s why defeats are clearer than victories, funerals more vivid than weddings.
I hated my past. Yet in it was my only clue to the disappearance of Phil’s son. The resemblance between Rhiannon and Epona Gray was too striking to be mere coincidence. But how had a woman who’d been dying when last I saw her traveled all this way, in both time and distance, to emerge as the sun-infused beauty I met in that tower?
The trail to Epona Gray stretched back thirteen years, almost as far as the one to Phil and Janet. I seldom thought about that time in my life, but now I had to retrace not just my footsteps but my memories and feelings. Something, some miscellaneous detail, had to provide the connection. And if I knew why Epona had become Rhiannon-never mind how — I might know why someone hated her.
So by day I headed toward Cazenovia, eventually crossed the bridge at Poy Sippi, and traveled through the dense forests to the hidden place that, long ago, had sheltered Epona Gray. And each night, I gave my thoughts renewed access to those days as well, hoping that some vital clue might shake loose from the memories. The past washed over me like the flood that hit Neceda, leaving behind the debris of pain, failure and death.
That first night on the trail, my thoughts returned to the other time I’d skulked out of Arentia, after Janet’s death. I’d been sixteen, and sure of absolutely nothing except that I never wanted to see anyone I knew ever again-not my parents, not my friends, especially not Phil. As soon as my injuries had healed enough for me to travel, I caught a ride with a flannel merchant heading for the border, and spent the next three months drunk off my ass, fighting and whoring my way as far as my money took me. I wasn’t trying to burn Janet’s memory from my mind, or seeking death so I could be with her. I was creating a new Eddie LaCrosse, one who’d never been rich or brave or happy. Eddie version two was mean, selfish and took no shit from anyone.
Finally, several months into my transformation, I awoke in some strange girl’s bed, broke and bruised and monumentally hung over. When the girl started screaming for her money, I smacked her, and knew I’d achieved what I wanted. I’d reached a point where no one else existed for me, where my own brutality was simply the way I operated. I was a bully and a jackass, and people better stay out of my way.
Even a jackass needs a job, though, and what better one than signing up for someone else’s army? My dad had insisted I learn to handle a knife and sword, and it turned out I had a real knack for it. Since I didn’t care which side won, I had no problem hacking down anyone designated as my “enemy,” and so I spent five years bouncing around various small countries, once rising to the rank of major. I drank too much, killed people for all the wrong reasons and generally behaved like most of the career soldiers I knew. I saw things so brutal they would give a lesser man, or any man with a conscience, nightmares for life. It was a liberating experience.
Once again, though, the change came when I awoke one morning with a girl. Only this time she was dead, and so was everyone else in the whorehouse, including my entire unit.
It remains the spookiest dawn of my life. A noise awoke me, but I never found out what it was. I winced at the sun through the window. The girl’s body had stiffened during the night, and I had to struggle to get free of her cold, clutching arms. A single sword thrust went through her back and emerged between her breasts, bisecting her heart. Blood soaked the mattress beneath us. Her expression was one of slack-jawed surprise, although her eyes were closed. When I threw her aside in momentary panic, I dislodged two dozen flies already claiming the body.
My head thundered from drink, and I quickly checked myself for injury. Not a fresh mark showed among the old pink scars. Had the murderer been after only the girl? And had I been so drunk that someone could come into the room and stab her without waking me?
I got dressed, and found my money was still in my pockets; robbery hadn’t been the motive. I searched each room on the second floor and found the same thing-a soldier and a whore, both dead from a single sword thrust. Nothing seemed to be taken from them, either.
The bar downstairs was empty. I helped myself to enough drink to dull my headache, then went into the street. Our horses, tied to the post the night before, were gone. The manure piles told me they’d been away for over six hours. The rest of the tiny crossroads town was deserted, although I found no other bodies, or any indication when the native population left. It was as if they’d just vanished.
I didn’t make a really thorough search because the whole thing was too damn eerie. I got out of there as fast as my wobbly legs would carry me. At first my wine-addled brain convinced me I was marked for death, that who or whatever had slaughtered everyone else would realize it had missed me and follow me to the ends of the earth. Later, after I’d thrown up a lot and choked down some half-cooked rabbit, I realized I’d just been incredibly, almost mythologically, lucky.
To this day I don’t know for certain who killed them all, or why. We were fighting in a disputed territory with lots of guerrilla units as well as regular troops on the prowl, none of whom were above ambushing us while we were drunk or asleep. Later I heard a faction loyal to the local king may have killed everyone and burned the town; I must have accidentally slipped out while they were off readying their torches. Either way, that day loaded with real death marked the symbolic demise of Eddie the Mercenary. Although I wasn’t a religious guy, I couldn’t shake the notion I’d been spared for a reason, and once I’d sobered up enough to think straight, I decided I’d be an idiot not to honor my luck.
I spent two aimless years doing odd jobs for meals and learning various quirky trades. I was still young, and didn’t really look like a soldier, although I still had my sword and sundry other hidden weapons. I also still despised horses, so I traveled everywhere on foot. It kept me lean and alert.
And so it was that one day thirteen years ago I strolled along the empty road between Antigo and Cazenovia, minding my own business, when I heard the distinctive clatter of swords in combat.