“Let me see,” Lisa said as she grabbed the paper. “Who would do this?”
“Idiot roommates,” Ben whispered.
“Does this mean you’re not getting married?” Ben’s father asked.
“Oh, this is funny,” Ben’s mother said when Lisa passed her the paper. “Who did it? Ober? Nathan?”
“Who else?” Lisa said.
Ignoring his family’s reaction, Ben couldn’t get Rick out of his thoughts. “Ben, are you okay?” his father asked.
“Yeah, I’m fine,” Ben said, turning to his father. Motioning toward the newspaper, he added, “I’m sorry about this. I didn’t have a thing to do with it.”
“No, it’s fine,” Ben’s father said. “We like it when we’re completely humiliated. Every self-respecting paper likes to be the victim of a mindless joke every once in a while.”
“You didn’t get in trouble for this, did you?”
“Of course not,” Ben’s father said. “But all day, people were asking me how come I didn’t tell them you were engaged.” As he finished his salad, he continued, “By the way, the president apparently has his short list to fill Blake’s seat on the Court.”
“Who’s on it?” Ben asked, trying to put Rick out of his mind. “Kuttler. Redlich. Who else?”
“Your old friend Judge Stanley is rumored to be on it.”
“It’ll never happen,” Ben said, waving his hand. “That’s the fish he throws to the liberals. I’ll bet a hundred bucks Stanley doesn’t get it.”
“Have you heard any rumors at the Court?” Ben’s father asked.
“Nothing really feeds through there,” Ben explained. “The president’s staff calls some justices for recommendations, but that’s just out of courtesy. Otherwise we hear what you hear.”
“Oh, c’mon now,” Ben’s father said. “You work there. You must hear some rumors. Just this once-feed your dad some inside info.”
“I said I don’t know anything,” Ben insisted. “And don’t put me in that kind of position. Even if I did know something, I couldn’t tell you.”
“Relax,” his father said. “I was only kidding.”
“It was just a joke,” Lisa said.
“Fine,” Ben said, picking at his salad. “It was just a joke. I get it. Har har.”
“Is everything okay at work?” Ben’s mother asked.
“Everything’s fine,” Ben said. “Everything’s wonderful.”
“And what about that firm that’s been recruiting you? Are they still interested?”
“Mom, everything is fine. I’m well on my way to the fast track of the legal world. Nothing can stop me. Now, can we just drop the subject?”
“No. What are you not telling me?” Turning to Lisa, Ben’s mother asked, “What is he not telling me? You can tell me.”
“Mom, leave Lisa alone,” Ben demanded.
“Ben, there’s no reason to raise your voice,” Ben’s father said.
“There is when she won’t mind her own business,” Ben said. “I said drop it.”
“I don’t need that tone at the table,” Ben’s mother said. “Either apologize or leave the room.”
“Leave the room?” Ben asked, forcing a laugh. “Or what? You’ll punish me? Spank me? Maybe you can take away my TV privileges. Or maybe I won’t get a birthday party this year.”
“Benjamin, I’d appreciate it if you’d excuse yourself from the table,” his father said in a low voice.
Ben got up from his seat and stormed upstairs. “I’ll be in my room.”
At eight o’clock, the doorbell rang. “I’ll get it,” Ben’s father said, pushing his chair away from the table. He opened the door and said, “Hey, fellas! C’mon in-we just reached dessert.”
“Do I smell cretins?” Lisa asked, sniffing the air as Ober and Nathan approached the table.
“Hello, boys,” Ben’s mother said.
“Hello, Mrs. Addison,” Ober said, fighting back a smile. “I hope you’re all having a lovely Thanksgiving meal.”
“We were,” Lisa said.
“What brings you two over this evening?” Ben’s mother asked.
“We just wanted to say hello. It’s been so long since we’ve seen you or Mr. Addison,” Ober said. “And, of course, we wanted to say congratulations on your son’s engagement.”
“That’s right,” Nathan said, patting Lisa on the back. “This is a big day for you. The best to you both.”
“Very funny,” Lisa said.
“Oh, c’mon,” Nathan said. “Don’t tell me you didn’t find it funny-the big picture of you, the fake bio-it was genius.”
“And it cost us almost a hundred bucks,” Ober said.
“It was definitely funny,” Lisa admitted. “I just hope you don’t think there aren’t going to be repercussions.”
“Take it like a man,” Ober said, squeezing in next to Lisa so that the two friends shared a seat. “Speaking of which, where is the groom-to-be?”
“He’s up in his room pouting,” Ben’s mother explained.
Ten minutes later, Ober, Nathan, and Lisa walked into Ben’s room. “Well, I guess my punishment’s lifted,” Ben said, sitting on his bed. “I have visitor privileges.”
“Drop it already,” Lisa said, flopping onto Ben’s bed. “They just want to know what’s bothering you.”
“And if I want to tell them, I’ll tell them,” Ben shot back.
“Listen, don’t get upset just because your parents are still treating you like a twelve-year-old,” Lisa said. “That’s what parents are supposed to do. It’s their job. They can obviously tell something’s wrong. Besides, you’re kinda behaving like a twelve-year-old.”
“Do you think Rick was the guy that approached my dad?” Ben asked. He explained the situation to Ober and Nathan.
“I don’t know who it was, but I did think it was too much of a coincidence,” Lisa said.
“Why the hell is he doing this?” Ben asked.
“Why don’t we stop talking about it?” Nathan suggested. “There’s nothing we can do here, and there’s nothing gained by watching you go crazy. When we get back, we’ll sit down and plan a new strategy.”
“But what if-” Ben began.
“Don’t say it,” Nathan interrupted. “Let’s change the subject and move on.”
“I have a new topic,” Ober said, checking out the seven-year-old Albert Einstein calendar that was still attached to the wall. “Let’s talk about why tomorrow is such a special day.”
Ben thought for a moment, then said, “You are so damn pathetic sometimes.”
“What?” Lisa asked, looking at Nathan.
“Tomorrow is the anniversary of the day Ober lost his virginity,” Nathan explained.
“And I became the first of us to obtain that honor,” Ober added, “which will forever annoy Grumpy here.”
“Ben was about to do it with Lindsay Lucas,” Nathan explained, “but since Ober wanted to be the first to lose it, he slept with Shelly Levine, the Skank Machine.”
“You slept with her just to beat Ben?” Lisa asked.
“It wasn’t just to beat Ben,” Ober said. “I also wanted to get to know her better.”
“He did it just to beat me,” Ben said.
“And it’s bothered him since,” Ober said.
“You guys are sick,” Lisa said. “You had a contest to see who had sex first.”
“The only contest was in Ober’s head,” Ben said.
“But I pulled in the gold medal,” Ober said. “Don’t worry, though. Winning the silver is still nice.”
“And what grade was this?” Lisa asked.
“Eleventh,” the three friends said simultaneously.
“That’s not that bad,” Lisa said. “How about you, Nathan? When did you do the deed?”
“That’s a pretty personal question,” Nathan said. “When’d you lose yours?”