“Nathan, let me tell you something,” Ben said, pointing a finger at his roommate. “I know you. I probably know you better than I know myself. And if you even had the chance, just the possibility, of using a briefcase that concealed a microphone, you’d grab it in a second and bring it right to us, even if it hadn’t ever worked.”
“And how do you figure that?”
“Because I know you love to show off. And I know you love to strut like a peacock when you have something no one else has. You would’ve loved walking into Lisa’s with that briefcase mike-you’d have looked like Q from James Bond. And even if you couldn’t get it to work, you’d have brought it home just to show us you could. I mean, think about it logically. Any of us would’ve loved to show off with that thing. But now you want me to believe that not only did you not want to bring it home, but you didn’t even think it was worth mentioning? Please, Nathan. You’re way too competitive and your ego’s way too big for me to believe that you’d ever keep it quiet.”
“Are you done?” Nathan asked calmly, his arms crossed in front of him.
“I think so.”
“Then you can go fuck yourself, you paranoid little piece of shit! I busted my ass to get you that equipment! I risked my job by lying to everyone in my office, and I drove myself crazy trying to figure out a way for you to get out of this nightmare. But when you have the gall to accuse me before you actually even speak to me-well, you can ride the Hindenburg alone. I know you’re in a tough situation, but I have better things to do than take abuse from you.”
“Listen-”
“No, you listen! This thing has made you absolutely insane. And the fact that you accused me and not Lisa shows me that you’re not only way beyond reason, you’re also only a few beats away from the nuthouse. When you regain your senses, I hope you’ll have the integrity to apologize.” Nathan turned away from his roommates and walked out of the living room. As he approached the stairs, he turned around and added, “And when he and Lisa shatter your existence, just know you’ll be sweeping up alone.”
When Nathan was out of sight, Ben remained silent.
“You shouldn’t have accused him like that,” Ober said. “That was dead wrong.”
“What was I supposed to do? No matter how I started, I knew we’d wind up in this position.”
“Still, there are better ways to pick a fight. Some of that stuff you said is unforgivable.”
“I don’t want to hear it,” Ben said. “If Nathan were in my position, he’d have done the exact same thing.”
“Y’know, Eric said the same thing to you when he wrote his story. And just like Nathan, you told him to fuck off,” Ober said. He got up from the sofa and moved toward the stairs. “Pretty eerie, huh?”
“So are you going to take the pills?” Lisa asked, sipping coffee at her desk the following morning.
“Of course I am,” Ben said, flipping through a Michigan Law School yearbook. “What choice do I have?”
“You can decide not to take them.”
“And I can also decide to fail the test,” Ben said. “Even if they have no effect, I might as well take them. It’s not like they’re mini-cyanide pills and they’ll kill me.”
“How do you know what they are? They can contain anything: cyanide, No-Doz, truth serum-”
“That’s enough,” Ben interrupted. “I’ll take my chances, thank you.”
“I’m serious,” Lisa said. “Who knows what Nathan gave you?”
“You don’t believe that. You’re just mad because I told you he was the one who suspected you.”
“Of course I’m mad about that. Screw him.”
“C’mon now-be nice.”
“Be nice?” Lisa asked. “You want me to be nice? You’re the one who spent last night alienating your closest friends.”
“Thanks for pointing that out. I had almost gone a full two minutes without thinking about it.”
“I’m surprised they’re still letting you live there. If I were them, I’d have thrown you out on your ass.”
“It definitely wasn’t happy town at breakfast this morning. Eric, Nathan, Ober, and I were all eating at the same time and no one said a word to anyone else. If someone wanted more milk or more napkins, they just pointed at them. It was like living with a family of mimes.”
“If you want, you can stay at my place for a while,” Lisa said.
“I appreciate the offer. But if I’m home, I can keep an eye on things.”
Lisa took another sip of coffee. “Have you ever thought that you might be wrong? That your friends really aren’t against you?”
“Of course I have,” Ben said, looking up as he turned a page of the yearbook. “Why do you think I couldn’t sleep last night?”
“So…?”
“So I keep coming back to one idea: What if I’m wrong? As soon as I ask that question, I’m back where I started.”
Nodding, Lisa motioned toward Ben’s reading material. “Does anyone look familiar?”
“They look familiar in the sense that everyone looks like a boring lawyer. But beyond that, nobody looks like Rick.” Ben closed the yearbook. “It’s hopeless-he’s gone, and I’m lost.”
“Don’t say that. Pick up the next book and keep looking.”
“I don’t even know why I bother,” Ben said, opening another yearbook. “This plan is ridiculous.”
“Listen, don’t put all your faith in the yearbooks. If you find him, great. If not, we’ll find him when someone at Grinnell decides to sell. Besides, finding Rick should be secondary at this point. If you fail that lie detector test, you’ll have bigger problems than Rick.”
“I’ll pass the test.”
“Suddenly you’re so self-assured?”
“I’m serious. The average person fails the test because they’re terrified of the machine.”
“And naturally, you’re much more competent than the average person,” Lisa said.
“I am. I may be scared shitless, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to let a silly piece of machinery intimidate me. If the machines were so great, they’d be admissible in court. Until then, they’re obviously beatable. Besides, the nature of being a lawyer is arguing what you don’t necessarily believe.”
“But you’re not a lawyer. You’re a clerk.”
“Did I pass the bar exam?” Ben asked. “I’m a lawyer.”
“You’re terrified is what you are. Whenever you get scared, you start acting like a pompous ass-as if that’s a solid form of defense.”
“Okay, maybe. But I still know that I haven’t done anything wrong. Rick tricked me out of that first opinion. I didn’t give it to him intending for him to use it to make money. I was a pawn. A fool. A knave. In my wildest dreams, I never thought Rick would use the information for personal gain. I thought I was speaking in the closest confidence. So if anyone is the victim here, it’s me.”
“That’s a nice speech,” Lisa said, applauding. “You should write it down somewhere.”
“And why’s that?”
“Because if you fail that test tomorrow, you’re going to need it for the opening arguments of your dismissal hearing.”
After work, Lisa and Ben left the Court, walked up First Street and made a right on C Street. Passing the Dirksen Senate Office Building, they saw a band of young Senate staffers empty onto the sidewalk, all of them dressed in tan overcoats and toting leather briefcases. Ben counted the months until spring, when the sun would shine again. Although it hadn’t snowed for a week, the leftover slush, blackened from automobile exhaust and other pollution, covered Capitol Hill with a filthy winter veneer. Ten minutes later, the two clerks reached Sol & Evvy’s Drug Store, the oldest operating pharmacy in the entire city. “Are you sure they have it here?” Ben asked, opening the door that was covered with peeling white paint.
“I’m positive,” Lisa said as she walked inside.
In the small, cramped store, sun-faded maps and decade-old advertisements decorated the walls. “It smells like my grandmother’s house,” he said.