Alan laughed. "Just get me out of here! And tell me what the hell you're talking about!"
Axford's eyes widened. "You really don't know?"
"Know what?"
"Oh, Christ! I—" He glanced over at the chair. "Can I sit down?"
Once he was seated, he faced Alan squarely and leaned forward. He seemed more in control of himself now and started to speak in low, measured tones.
Charles told Alan how he had cured Julie, Charles' daughter, of her chronic renal failure last night. And with each word Alan felt a terrible sick feeling grow within him, because he did not remember seeing Charles since yesterday afternoon, and didn't remember ever knowing that he had a daughter.
"All this leads to what I'm about to say, which is going to be tough for you to hear. But you've got to know and you've got to do something about it."
Charles paused, then said:
"You've got to stop using the Touch."
"What?"
"It could kill you."
Alan's mind whirled. How could something that healed kill him?
"I don't understand."
"That repeat PET scan you had this morning—it shows a significant increase in the nonfunctional areas of your brain."
"And you think there's a connection?"
"I'm sure of it. Look: You say your memory has deteriorated during the past few months. The Touch started a few months ago. Your baseline PET scan was abnormal and consistent with Alzheimer's. After a couple of days of not using the power, your PET scan improved and so did your mental function. Then you used the Touch last night and suddenly forgot that the Hour of Power coincides with high tide."
"It does?" It was news to Alan.
Charles ran a hand over his eyes. "This is worse than I thought. We discussed it Saturday, and again last night. I even showed you an EEG of yours that demonstrated it."
"Jeez." He felt sick.
"Right. Bloody damn Jeez. So with your short-term memory all shot to bloody hell, and your PET scan this morning significantly worse than yesterday morning's, there's only one conclusion I can come to. How about you?"
Alan sat in numb silence for a moment, then: "My brain's shutting down."
"Not by itself it isn't, mate. Bit by bit, a little piece of who you are and what you are gets eaten up by this power every time you use it."
"But you just said my second scan was better."
"Right. By not using the power, your brain function improved an infinitesimal degree. By using the power once— and remember it or not, you cured the most precious person in the world to me last night—you knocked out a grossly appreciable area of your brain."
Alan jumped to his feet and paced, his heart pounding, his stomach in a knot. He didn't want to believe what he had heard. "You're sure of this?"
"It's all there on the scans. It comes down to the ratio of a centimeter forward over a period of two days to a meter backward in an instant."
"But if I'm really careful, I can rest up, so to speak, and use the Touch judiciously." He was grasping at straws, he knew, but he was desperate. He kept thinking of the people who needed that power to live. He thought of Jeffy. He couldn't possibly say no after he had promised Sylvia.
"You ever play Russian roulette?"
"Of course not!"
"Well, it's the same thing. You've already damaged lots of nonvital parts of your brain. But what happens if you knock out the basal ganglia or the motor cortex, or the limbic system, or the respiratory center? Where does that leave you?"
Alan didn't reply. They both knew the answer: Parkinsonism, paralysis, psychosis, or death. Some choice.
"One more thing I should warn you about," Axford said. "Senator McCready will be expecting to have a meeting with you tonight."
"Tonight? Why tonight? I expect to be gone by then."
"He has myasthenia gravis, if you get my drift."
Alan got the drift. "Oh."
"Right. It's a decision you'll have to make when the time comes. But I wanted to be sure you knew all the risks."
"Thanks. I appreciate that." He smiled at a grim thought. "Maybe I should write all this down. I might not remember it an hour from now. But no matter what the risk, there's one person who's got to get a dose of the Touch."
"Who?"
"Jeffy."
Charles nodded. "That would be wonderful, wouldn't it?"
He stood up and thrust out his hand. "I'll send you a copy of my report. But in case I don't see you before you go, remember: You have a friend for life, Alan Bulmer."
When he was gone, Alan lay back on the bed and reviewed all Charles had told him. It still seemed clear to him. His retention seemed good at the moment. But knowing that there were pieces of his memory missing—maybe permanently—terrified him. For what was anyone but a sum of their memories? Where he had been, the things he had done, why he had done them: They all made him Alan Bulmer. Without them he was a cipher, a tabula rasa, a newborn.
Alan shuddered. He had made his share of mistakes, but he liked who he was. He didn't want to be erased. He wanted to remain Alan Bulmer.
But what of the senator? If McCready could save his reputation and tell the world that Dr. Alan Bulmer was not a charlatan or a nut, then Alan would owe him. And he would pay that debt.
But Jeffy came first. Nothing would stop him from putting the Touch to work on Jeffy. And if the senator wanted to give it a try after that, fine. But Jeffy came first.
After all that was settled up, maybe it would be time for him to go away with Sylvia and Jeffy for a while to recharge the batteries. When he returned, he'd get his life in order, get everything in perspective, and try to get back into a regular practice. And maybe save the Dat-tay-vao for rare cases of dire need.
One thing was certain: He would not allow himself to fall into the rut that had put such distance between Ginny and him.
No, sir. Alan Bulmer was going to learn to say no once in a while.
___43.___
Charles
"Dr. Axford!" Marnie said, running up to him as he entered the corridor. "I've been looking all over for you!"
She looked positively frazzled. "What's up, Love?"
"Those two new assistants of yours came down to your office and just about emptied your safe!"
"What? Did you call security?"
"They were wearing security uniforms!"
Baffled and alarmed, Charles hurried to his office. He found the safe closed and locked.
"They had the combination," Marnie said in response to his look. "And they were neat. Seemed to know exactly what they wanted."
"I didn't have any money in there," Charles said to himself as he tapped in the combination. "What on earth did they—"
His question was answered as soon as he opened the door. All the Bulmer data were missing. This didn't make sense.
"Call the senator for me."
"I was about to suggest that, since he's the one who sent them down."
A shock ran through Charles. "The senator?"
"Sure. He called first thing this morning. When I told him you weren't in yet, he said that was just as well and that he was sending Henly and Rossi down to pick up some papers from your office. I had no idea he meant from your safe. I'm sorry about this… I didn't know how to stop them."
"It's okay, Marnie."
"Oh, and one more thing," she said as she tapped at the phone buttons. "The senator said to compliment you on your report. But I just typed it in this morning."
Charles felt his intestines knot, lie quickly depressed the cradle arm on Mamie's phone.