I don’t seem to have dreamed at all the rest of my sleep shift – no doubt Ista Chemie was privately relieved about that – and was collected by Maze this morning.
"You’re having fewer unbroken nights," he said, after we’d settled in the canteen over breakfast. "And I know you must be far from happy about this latest development."
"Would you want anyone watching your dreams?"
"Not for a moment," he said, so firmly I immediately wondered what he dreamed about. "I’m glad Isten Notra found an approach which is bearable for you, since it’s clear your talent development is accelerating. What you managed last night is well outside what we would call Ena manipulation, startling enough that the details are being kept within the squads working directly with you."
"Dream talent might be what a touchstone is?"
He nodded. "We haven’t found anything like you mentioned in any of the histories, but it’s becoming apparent that enhancement is the least of your talents. For the moment we’re going to concentrate on trying to understand more about what it is you’re doing, and helping you learn to not use it."
"Was easier just watching First Squad fight," I said, with a sigh. "Did you watch my shooting training session? So hopeless."
"You’ll improve with practice." He gave me a captain-look to underline that I better take the sessions seriously, but then couldn’t help but smile. "Though I concede that you’re not a natural fighter. It doesn’t sit well with me that we’re even considering you having a need for weapons training."
"Are there lots arguments?"
"Little but. For the most part over timing, about how urgently we move forward on Muina. I can’t pretend that there isn’t a huge amount of pressure to find a way to the city you visited."
"I get to say I told you so?"
"Perhaps. The argument isn’t settled yet." He studied my face. "You’ve had a run of difficult weeks, Caszandra. I can push to delay the decision, give you more time–"
"Would rather get it over with," I said, feeling oddly cross and embarrassed. "Don’t want to do it at all, but Ionoth numbers still increasing, yes? Thought of someone I know dying more horrible than standing on platform. And won’t have to worry about it once it’s done, can go back to being enhancing stray."
"I’m not sure that’s possible," he said, seriously. "What you did last night is something with wide-reaching implications, and it can’t be left uninvestigated. Fortunately the tie to the Ena brings you into Isten Notra’s domain. Now that Notra has assumed direct control we should be able to be more consistent with you, and avoid idiocies like subjecting you to one of the standard Sights tests." He made an exasperated face, then waved a hand to dismiss that train of thought, adding: "Today we’re going to take you into the Ena to see whether you can directly manipulate it."
So instead of having Sight training with Ruuel, I spent the rest of the day with First Squad. Ketzaren tried, completely unsuccessfully, to teach me to do the most basic Ena manipulation while Alay guarded us and the rest of First Squad cleared whatever space we happened to be in. They did what they considered basic spaces – what apparently is called a scatter rotation because they don’t follow a string of joined spaces, but keep going in and out of near-space. I’ve been given some Ena manipulation homework, with a little cube smaller than a fingernail which I have to will into being green instead of yellow. Changing colour is apparently one of the easiest things to do, but I feel a complete idiot glowering at a little cube while nothing happens.
And I have very particular orders from Maze not to do making things visualisations tonight. I should really do my otters safe place, but I don’t want to risk anything Ruuel-related. Even if it’s only Isten Notra watching, I know the only real secret is one you keep yourself.
Wednesday, June 4
Do Androids Dream?
I dreamed of counting sheep. It was a real dream, but didn’t last long enough that people had to come stop me from exhausting myself. While it felt very real – me sitting in the grass on a beautiful sunny day watching these hairy sheep leap over a fence barely bigger than their knees – counting sheep is such a sleep-related thing that I just knew that I must be dreaming.
And there was a drone there, lurking incongruously in the middle of a bush. I found this funny and annoying at the same time, and I waved at it when I noticed it, but for some reason it made me wake up. No headache, and I feel calm and rested, which I’m very glad about. I’ve hated these days of feeling like I’m barely keeping it together.
My morning appointment had changed to breakfast/dinner with Isten Notra, which was a nice surprise and turned into a fun outing. She lives in a residential section where some of the more important people who work at KOTIS live. It seems to be the equivalent of a gated community and the important thing to me was that it counts as within KOTIS' security and I could go there without an escort. Very cool. I almost didn’t arrive on time because I was busy gaping at gardens, and a little café/milk bar that I so wanted to go and buy something from all by myself.
I’m a sad case.
People did recognise me and stare – even in KOTIS few outside the Setari and the medical staff ever see me – but no-one made any move to stop or question me, and I found Isten Notra’s home easily enough. It was off a wide, high-ceiling plaza area, which made it feel more like a house to me. No windows, though, which I will always find eternally strange. Apartments on Tare don’t have doorbells: you use the interface to tell the door you’re there and it lets the person you’re there to meet know you’re waiting, or just alerts everyone in the apartment. I stood outside feeling incredibly conspicuous until the door was opened by a girl a few years younger than me who started to say something, stopped, and stared in disbelief.
"Isten Notra lives here?" I asked, then paused while another girl, maybe eleven or twelve, came to the door as well, took one look at me, and shrieked.
I swear, I’m starting to want to go back to Earth solely so people don’t react to me like that. It’s seriously embarrassing. Both me and the older girl went very red, and I tried to say something, but the younger girl shrieked again, pointing at me. The older girl hastily stepped back, gesturing me inside so she could shut the door.
"Kanna, stop it you idiot," she hissed, shaking her sister by the shoulder. "I’m sorry, um, I’ll – Kanna didn’t–"
"Jor, Kanna, what in the spaces are you–" A guy around my age appeared in the foyer, blinked twice, but managed to neither shriek or be lost for words. "You must be here to see my grandmother," he said. "I’ll take you through, but first let me apologise for my sisters. I’d say they’re not usually like this, but that wouldn’t be entirely honest."
"Shon!" The older girl looked even more embarrassed. The younger girl kicked him in the ankle, but he ignored her and led me further into the apartment.
It was a big place, really nice and comfortably cluttered – Isten Notra lives with her daughter Keel, Keel’s husband Fellan, and their children, Shon, Jor and Kanna. She’d told them she was expecting a guest for dinner, but hadn’t told them who. I gather Isten Notra likes to keep them on their toes. They were having pancake/crepe things for dinner, and so it worked as well for breakfast for me.