"Interface developing within normal guidelines," she said, crisply. "Generally healthy, with no immediate issues. Exceptional talent set for the younger girl, but only above-average potential for the others." She paused, looking mildly offended, then added: "The older two have scarring indicating repeated beating with some kind of cord. No sign of such treatment on the younger. I can schedule cosmetic work to remove the scarring, but there is a considerable backlog of procedures building."
I shook my head. "Only if they ask for," I said, and thanked Ista Temen for fitting the kids in, asking if I could at least use icepacks to help with their headaches – and you can, which makes me feel really ill-treated for my own interface ordeals.
"You weren’t surprised by that at all," Mara said when we were alone.
"They don’t trust anyone," I explained. "You haven’t seen how–" I stopped. I mightn’t have been surprised, but I found it hard all the same, and had to wipe at my face so it wouldn’t show when Ista Temen brought the kids. Mara reached out and squeezed my hand encouragingly. She clearly doesn’t think adopting Nuran orphans is a good idea, but she quite understands being upset about them.
The three wan children who filed into Mara’s little observation room had plainly enjoyed medical exams even less than I do, but even Ys could barely summon the energy to glare at me. Their interface headaches are shifting from background pain to major concern, and tomorrow is likely to be rough.
When I took them back upstairs they retreated into the second lounge room, to turn over the small selection of picture books and pencils which had been tucked in the bottom of the Kolaren care packages they’d been issued. They seem to be enjoying that, but also restless. I think I’ll see if we’re allowed out for a walk.
This Kimirenar isn’t among the names of Nurans rescued, but there may be other people from that House, and I feel like yelling, and hiding, and argh.
Saturday, August 23
Assemble family
Dreadful night. The kids' headaches had fully kicked in by dinner, their interface installation progressing faster than mine – apparently the older you are the longer it takes. Sen became incredibly clingy, wanting to be held all the time but also to be kept as still and dark as possible, and she wouldn’t stay resting anywhere but my lap. Ys and Rye, once they’d given up trying to coax Sen to stay with them, just lay limply on their bed, hurting too much to sleep but too exhausted to do anything but try.
Sen finally dropped off and Kaoren and I left her on our bed and sat together on our couch, half-heartedly debating one of us sleeping while the other sat up. I ended up reading some more of my diary to him over a private channel – describing past-me just recovered from her own headache and released from KOTIS – but there was a part coming up (about Sean J) which I didn’t want to read out, and I’m sure Kaoren sensed that I was all over the place still emotionally – tired, worried, and underneath it all feeling put-upon and resentful.
He took my hand while I was hesitating at the beginning of the next entry and said in-channeclass="underline" "I was too efficient."
That was a seriously unusual thing for him to say – being efficient is one of Kaoren’s basic drives. "About?"
"These arrangements." He nodded at the doorway leading to the kids' bedroom. "I could see that you were reacting to them in much the same way as I, but I progressed through the tolerable responses before you did."
He has the funniest way of apologising, and I had to hug him. "Maybe just a bit. I certainly wouldn’t hold my hand up to adopt if someone ask. I just, I can’t stand idea of sending them off and not be sure they’re treated way I want them treated. So, I guess caught up with you. I don’t feel equal to be someone’s…parent, but that doesn’t mean don’t want to try. But I’m – something Mara said to me today, asking me if I was trying distract myself from what Korinal said about touchstones. I don’t think I am, but all that – I’m all over place because I do want to be involved, but how can I if so dangerous? Or so in danger?"
He didn’t answer right away, then lifted one hand, long fingers apart, giving me a chance to remind myself how much I like his hands. Then a curving spur of Light sprang out of his arm, making me jump.
"We’re all dangerous, Cassandra. And we’re all in danger. You are too strong to be paralysed by what might happen."
He looked like he was going to say more, but abruptly frowned at the darkened doorway into the kids' apartment. We got up to investigate, and found Ys and Rye in the bathroom piling their sheets and blanket into the bath. Ys had thrown up all over herself and the bed, and I hated, hated, hated how she and Rye went still and stood eyes fixed on their feet when we showed up. Waiting.
Kaoren, of course, just told them to leave the sheets and put Ys in the shower with the water nice and warm to wash the vomit off, then took Rye off to the other bathroom so he could use that shower, telling me he’d bring some clothes back. Ys was in bad shape, exhausted and scared and shaking. I couldn’t think of a single thing to say to her, so as soon as she was a little cleaner I got in the shower with her, sat down and pulled her onto my lap, ignoring her attempts to get free. She stopped poking her elbows into my ribs eventually and just leaned limply against my chest.
Kaoren came back and left some clothes (my lab rat nightshirt for Ys, heh), telling me that occasionally the interface install does cause nausea, but that it was usually a sign that it was coming to an end, and that he was going to get some clean sheets.
Rye had fallen asleep on the couch by the time I was done making sure Ys was properly clean and dry, and Kaoren had finished fixing the bed (fortunately it’s pretty impossible to soil a nanotech mattress), so we settled them both back in their room, and brought Sen in to join them. Kaoren and I sat on the side of the bed, and I held Ys' hand until she finally fell asleep. She was too tired to resent me for it.
I was totally wiped myself by the time I could curl up with Kaoren. Since he has circles under his eyes, I guess he only let himself have a few hours sleep, but the rest of us were out of it until nearly midday, when Sen woke us all up with the wonderful discovery of a floating dot in the centre of all the rooms. Since none of them can read (and Sen is so young) they’re going to have a very different learning curve with the interface, but it was fun to show them the room controls – Sen adores turning lights on and off – and after Kaoren and I brought them back from the medical section they spent the afternoon mesmerised by the wall display when I set it on random scenery and pictures.
Imagine an entire room as your first experience of television.
Tomorrow Kaoren and I have assignments scheduled, but he had with typical efficiency already cleared the initial hurdles with KOTIS Command – and even arranged babysitting – so after dinner we sat the kids down on the couch for Serious Talk time.
They made a curious set, all three wearing clothing sent from Kolar – shirts and long, loose pants of a light, off-white cotton. Sen was calmly cheerful, her thick hair neatly braided thanks to Ys. Ys on her left had barely bothered with her own short hair, and her jaw was set with a determination not to give anything away. Rye, just a fraction shorter than Ys, had tried but failed to tame his riot of curls, and kept lifting anxious eyes and then dropping them.
"Tomorrow Cassandra and I will both be away," Kaoren said. "We work for the organisation which is in charge of resettling Muina and dealing with Ionoth, and it is only on occasional days that we will not both be called away for part of the time. For the next few days, when we’re away you will be supervised by colleagues of ours, and after that the new school should be ready."