Kaoren opened an interface channel to me as soon as he was in real-space – not a channel request, but using his Captain privileges to not have to wait a moment longer to say: "Are you injured?"
"No – not much," I said, and after that we could barely talk to each other. A few more short sentences and then we’ve just kept the link open and streamed our visuals to each other so we can see and not try to put anything into words.
And there is no doubt left at all that the Cruzatch badly want to get their hands on me. KOTIS Command has ordered the Ddura be kept in constant attendance at Pandora until they decide what to do (which means Ghost is in constant attendance on my lap). I’m sore and very tired, even with my drugged-out nap, but there’s no way I want to sleep till Kaoren’s here. Not long now. Zee’s agreed to spring me from the infirmary.
September
Monday, September 1
Reasons
Nils was asleep on my couch when Zee brought me back to my apartment, but she shifted him to the couch in her room, and I’d love to know what he felt about waking up there, or why Zee didn’t take any of the many other couch options available. Zee is way too good at not giving anything away.
While she was gone I checked on the kids and found that Sen had climbed in with Ys, but they’d otherwise slept through. Zee came to look at them too, and told me she’d arranged for Mara to come make sure they got breakfast and off to class so Kaoren and I didn’t have to worry about getting up in the morning.
I think I’m proving a pretty inadequate foster parent, and asked Zee if she thought I would do the kids more damage than good taking them in when both Kaoren and I lived such weird and dangerous lives.
"I should hope you asked yourself that before now," she said, but not harshly. "Would it have been better for them if you made clear that you were too caught up in other matters for them to be a priority? Have you discovered why Sentarestel was being pursued?"
"Korinal and Inisar think it likely that her Sights make her valuable enough to want to control – that some remnant of House Renar wanted her to regain part of the status they’ve just lost. Though at least she’s apparently not anywhere near what would count as next in line to the throne of Nuri. The main candidate for that is in the talent school, along with one of the children from House Renar, and–" I sighed. "Anyway, I’m sorry First Squad has had to pick up my slack."
"Don’t be – you’re not alone in seeing something in that trio. And it’s a refreshing change to deal with children as children rather than Kalrani."
I think the conversation made Zee sad, but I’m glad she sat with me and helped me stay awake until Kaoren arrived. A couple of months ago I would have been firmly encouraged to go to sleep, or kept sedated in the infirmary, but they’ve worked out that I’ve got a better chance of nightmare control if I wait.
Zee mentioned that it was lucky Seventh was the squad with Fourth and I guess that’s so – whatever else Forel might be, she’s determined to do her job well, and her squad has a massive amount of elemental firepower. Thanks to Seventh’s strength, Fourth and Seventh paid for their marathon in the Ena only with exhaustion.
Kaoren ate and showered on the flight back and spent the rest of his time listening to me talk to Zee and getting through a fairly epic report so he was free to come straight to our quarters to kiss me breathless and examine the blue jelly bandages across my stomach and side, and let himself for a few minutes just be really upset that I’d been hurt and he hadn’t been there.
Kaoren’s such a very decisive and in-control person, and after he’d guessed what reason the Cruzatch would have for cutting off their path back to Pandora, he hadn’t been able to do anything about it. For all of the long journey searching for a path through the spaces he’d had no way of knowing whether I’d been brought out to try to find the missing squads, and if there’d been the ambush he anticipated, and whether I’d been taken. Even once we were back together he couldn’t properly speak to me. He’d had to stay cool captain in charge for all that time in the Ena, and he’d done that, but he’d wound himself so tight inside that he started shaking when he finally could hold me.
Neither of us were in a state to do anything but clutch each other, and my burns made it awkward even to snuggle together properly – they’re comparatively minor, but I’m going to have to sleep on my back for a few days. We rearranged pillows, and Kaoren propped me up against his chest, and finally relaxed enough to pass out.
I’d only been asleep a couple of hours when repeated tugging on the hem of my pyjamas dragged me awake. I felt like complete shit, headachy and heavy and itchy hot and tender about the middle, and I’m sure Ys and Rye now have a very strong impression of me as not a morning person. It was Ys doing the tugging, while Rye stood behind her at the door, and I squinted at them blearily for a long moment. It was the first time they’d ever sought me out, so I wasn’t about to just send them away, but I could have asked for better timing.
"You okay?" I asked – not very coherently.
"It wasn’t true, what you said," Ys said. Firm statement, though with a suggestion of sword-at-throat. The first time she’s spoken to me.
"Which thing that I said?" I asked, struggling a little more upright while trying not to disturb Kaoren. It’s not often anyone could walk into our room without waking him.
"We had the machine in our head because Sentarestel told us to," Rye said, chin high. "Not because we understood what it meant. Not because of what you said."
I really wasn’t up to two kids making what they seemed to think was a firing-squad confession. It took a bit of processing time, which I covered by glancing back at Kaoren, and discovering that my stomach really wasn’t liking me doing anything stretchy. Then with some more cautious levering I managed to sit up.
"Do you always do exactly what Sen tells you to?"
"Sentarestel only ever tells us right things."
"So she told you to get the interface install because would let you learn how to read, and because you trust her Sight you did?"
They both nodded, as if it was a great admission of guilt.
"You were intelligent enough to trust Sen’s Sight, and brave enough to do something new and strange on her word. How was I wrong?"
Ys looked stymied, and Rye near tears. "It’s – you shouldn’t–"
"I think I should," I said, standing up gingerly, but deciding it was a bad time to try hugging. "I see you and want you to feel you’re safe and you belong. It’s not complicated thing."
I headed into our lounge-kitchen, and set out breakfast just in time for Mara to show up. She gave me one of her assessing looks, and summoned a greysuit to give me a nice dose of painkiller. Kaoren half-woke when Mara sent me to bed after the greysuit’s visit, but just rearranged us and went back to sleep until late afternoon.
I’m back in medical for a stomach inspection and entirely unnecessary brain scan, and Kaoren’s off at a meeting which he tells me is about what to do about me. Lohn is keeping me company, and I guess I’m always going to have someone keeping me company from now on, even in the Setari building.
Having fifty Cruzatch come after me has made being babysat seem like a very minor thing.