Raiten recommended dishes, since most of the choices were Kolaren, and Sen had a wonderful time stabbing random selections and seeing pictures of food come up. I told her her eyes were bigger than her stomach, which sent her into peals of laughter (and Kaoren quietly cancelled most of her selections, and prodded Ys and Rye into picking something). We simply didn’t look at the crowd of faces cramming into the servery window, and I appreciated that the staff didn’t all come and squeal over us or anything, but instead carried out their usual duties except with a great deal of delight and huge, trembling smiles. The entire family took turns to bring us out glasses of water, and appetisers, and every serving separately.
It was definitely a good idea to bring Raiten along – he drew the majority of the attention, and I was able to concentrate on my lunch, and enjoyed my dessert almost as much as Sen (who enjoyed a bit of everyone’s desserts). The café staff invited us to put our handprints on their customer’s wall and write our names, and I glanced back as we left to see them all clustered around the wall comparing their hands to Raiten’s print. He’s a serious megastar on Kolar and I think it says a lot about how skewed my perspective has become that it’s never even occurred to me to fan girl him.
After a quick glance at my still-sealed tower, we went to look at the island where Kaoren has been practicing his enhancement. It was well out into the lake, and big enough that you would need an hour or more to walk around it. Really nice trees – tall and black-barked with fat flower buds all over them, but no leaves yet.
A tiny waterfall ran from a spring on the small central hill, and we followed the stream which drained the pool at its base, paddling in the shallows. Rye was in his element, forgetting to be shy as he and Sen searched the water for fish, and spotted tiny flowers and the occasional fleeing animal.
A definite holiday day, and all four of my captainly escort were looking refreshed when we flew back to the Setari building. I’m feeling – I don’t know – protective. Not just of three Nuran children, but all of them. Kaoren, Maze, Mara, Zee, Nils, Isten Notra, Tsur Selkie, my endless horde of medics. Every squad member. Planets' worth of people. Even Forel and Kajal.
It’s too late for us all to skip off into unicorns and roses, crisis solved, no bones broken. Nuri’s not coming back. But I just – yeah. I keep seeing the title of that news story. If fixing this means letting KOTIS risk me over and over in the hopes that they’ll learn something before they kill me, I guess I’m going to do that. Maybe not the most heroic approach, but I don’t have any better ideas.
Training with Mara tomorrow.
Sunday, September 7
Toughening Up
I continue to exhibit my lack of parenting chops by guessing the kids' ages totally wrong. I was reading through a comprehensive report provided by the school and found the age estimates according to their physiological development.
Sen I’d been right about – the estimate is twelve (four). Rye, though, is estimated as twenty-nine to thirty-two, and Ys as thirty-one to thirty-four. Ten to eleven, when I was thinking of them both as twelve. I can’t imagine myself at ten (let alone seven or eight) having all the responsibility of looking after a little girl. I so much want to find out more about them, to know how they ended up with only each other, but I think it’s going to be a long time before they’re at ease enough with me to talk about things like that.
I think they’re a bit like I was when I was first assigned to Fourth Squad, starting to feel like I fit in and happy to be near Kaoren, but knowing that I’d eventually be transferred, sure that I was just an assignment to him. Except for Ys and Rye it’s a thousand times more uncertain. They do like being read to, though, and the routine Kaoren’s established continues to please them. We finished the book I’d been reading and I’ve asked Rye to pick the next one.
Fifth and Eighth were swapped out for Sixth and Ninth today, and tomorrow is another starting people with self-enhancement session, and also an attempt to visualise the location of any other malachite marbles. Lacking any clearer direction, KOTIS has decided to make establishing malachite marble numbers and locations their highest priority.
I spent my day at Mara’s mercy, while Fourth was off doing more intensive training. Mara’s working getting my fitness up into her rehabilitation (and Lohn’s given me strict orders to wimp out and have an attack of vapours whenever it looks like Mara’s pushed herself too hard). She’s a lot better now, though, and could probably have run rings around me, but instead focused back on the basic combat stepping exercises, and then amusing herself throwing balls at me. We had lunch together sitting on the hill roof of the Setari building. It’s become a favoured spot already and someone’s put a couple of whitestone benches up there under the cluster of trees which survived a building growing beneath them.
Our visit to the café had sparked some questions about the three children who’d been with us, which in turn led to a wide range of news stories, the worst of which was about over-pampered me treating traumatised Nuran children like dolls. And yet another irritating expert talking about my isolation, and coping mechanisms, and how I was plainly trying to create a sense of stability and normality by building myself a family.
Fortunately there were also a lot of broader articles on how the mass of Nuran children were adjusting, the weight of the loss they would continue to feel, and the percentage which had been – officially and unofficially – made part of Taren and Kolaren settler families.
I was skimming some of the nastier articles when Mara said: "Nominate Lohn and I as replacement guardians."
Since Mara hadn’t seemed to approve of my connection with the kids, I had to hide my surprise. "Maze told you we’re making wills?"
She nodded. "I’d like to pretend that you needn’t think about such things, but it’s only sensible. And I’m…" Her mouth curved in a wide, bitter smile. "I’m so jealous I could strangle you."
There wasn’t any bite to her words – thankfully – so I only panicked a little, then slapped myself mentally and said: "Because you…" then paused, thinking it over. "Would you still be in the Setari if Maze wasn’t?"
"No. Or – perhaps. The situation has changed and retirement is out of the question until this crisis is over. But these past few years, since Helese, we’ve stayed because we couldn’t walk away from Maze. Which means putting our lives – so many things – on hold because the cycle of rotations and training and injuries leaves no time or energy for anything else. Even though I’d hardly want to be in your position, I’ll take leave to resent you just a little for the way those three have come to you."
"I hadn’t even thought–" I began, then blushed and said, "Sorry. And thank you. It really helps to know you’ll be there for them."
Then I asked her what the crisis being over – winning – would mean to the Setari program, to all those kids who’ve been living rigidly strict lives so they could grow up and kill monsters. What would they do if the monsters weren’t a problem any more?