"Think over what you would prefer," Kaoren said. "The truth, an invented history, or leave them with nothing so that what they show is nothing of you."
Ys immediately vetoed making things up, looking at the script outlines given to us, it wouldn’t be until the next season that it becomes an issue, but as our shopping trip has already shown them, a great many people are going to be interested in them.
Knowing more now about Nuran culture, I’m glad we didn’t just let them disappear into the eight thousand. Until all the Nuran children are adopted, this system of servants and Houses and Zarath would have put Ys and Rye in a bad place, no matter what opinion Tarens and Kolarens have of it, and it was important to get my three out of that to cut short any threat of them being separated. Sometimes I think I’m doing them more harm than good, and sometimes I’m just enjoying the hugs too much to care.
I keep trying to think of ways I can help my ghost-girl as well, but I have to face the near-certainty that it’s way too late for me to do anything for her.
Tuesday, October 7
Reversed Polarity
I thought at first that last night’s dream was exactly the same, but after surveying the city I realised that my ghost-girl just hadn’t moved, was still sitting dazed and confused on the same roof a day later.
For today’s session Tsur Selkie agreed to let me try and project just my ghost-girl and not her surroundings, if I thought I could do that. I wasn’t entirely sure, and I feel increasingly embarrassed at the prospect of failing these experiments when I now have four squads sitting in attendance. Second and Eighth were the spares this time, since Third has been sent to Muina.
It was a struggle. It felt like trying to push the wrong ends of two magnets together – I could feel more or less how I needed to go, but then my mind would slip off focus. I was just about to concede defeat when that slippery sense of repulsion reversed, and I felt like I was being pulled into something, and clutched at my test chair in a panic, convinced I was going to end up back in that horrible room again. My vitals skyrocketed, and the near-space all around me started distorting, making everyone feel heavier. Tsur Selkie sent most of the squads backward, and sharply ordered me to stop the test.
I said, "It isn’t me," sounding thoroughly freaked out, and shuddered as the drag got even worse and just for a moment I thought I saw my ghost-girl, but then there was an awful piercing pain in my head, and I passed out. That last was the interface deciding to start growing again. They still have no idea why the interface reacts this way with me occasionally, and they’re talking about uninstalling it completely until further notice. But we’re learning all my foibles and so were at least ready for the possibility, quickly shutting it down. My eye was damaged, but not very badly, and I’ll be piratical for only a short while.
I woke in medical to the news that at the exact time as my attempted projection, all the platforms and malachite marbles on Muina had reacted. It had lasted for only for the few seconds before I’d collapsed, but the satellites and drones busy scanning Muina’s surface had picked up a power reading in a region where no malachite marble had as yet been discovered. A new place to search.
Kaoren has this tiny frown-line between his eyes that was never there before.
I wasn’t the one projecting. I stopped as soon as I felt that heaviness, and something else went on. We have the rough location of another malachite marble in return, but if I hadn’t passed out I’m not sure what would have happened.
Thursday, October 9
Hooked
I didn’t dream of my ghost-girl last night. She dreamed of me.
Or I dreamed of her dreaming of me. At any rate, I could tell it wasn’t like my normal dreams. I dreamed that I was asleep on the scan bed, and Kaoren was asleep in the low lounge chair they’d fetched in for him. The lights were at half setting, but I could see straight away when my ghost-girl showed up – just there, looking at me.
Kaoren woke up immediately – he tells me it was because of my energy output, not because the girl registered as a threat – and after a long look at the girl (who was staring fixedly at me) he said: "Her name is Cassandra."
The girl only gave him the barest glance. "What happened to her face?"
She was speaking old Muinan, and there was a pause (while Kaoren accessed a translator for the words he didn’t understand), then he slowly said in the best old Muinan he could manage: "She was injured by a communication device. She has been dreaming about you. Do you have the same ability to see and create projections?"
The girl gave him a suspicious look. "Who are you?"
"My name is Kaoren. Cassandra and I are…hand fasted. Will you tell me your name?"
That earned him a long second look, then: "Liranadestar. Where is this place?"
Kaoren’s eyes were very narrow, and I could tell people were giving him a lot of conflicting instructions on what to say to her. "This is a world called Tare, a planet that some of the inhabitants of Muina fled to after the spaces were shattered."
From the little frown, I guessed the girl didn’t quite understand at least part of what he said, but wasn’t willing to admit it. So like Ys, who hates to show any form of ignorance.
"Can you take a message for me?" the girl (who can be called Lira because Liranadestar is a worse mouthful than Sen’s name) asked. "To Peresadestar of Nuriath? Tell him that Naranezolen of Oriath took me away to a city I don’t know. I haven’t been able to reach out to him the way I usually do. I can’t understand why."
"Do you remember going to a room with a dome made of black stone?" Kaoren asked very carefully.
"No," Lira said, but then paused and looked confused. "Will you carry my message?" she asked, with a ferocious frown.
Kaoren looked from her to me. I was starting to feel pretty bad, achingly exhausted, like I hadn’t been to sleep for years. His mouth was a flat line as he looked back at her, and he said, "The people you’re speaking of have been dead for centuries. Muina was abandoned centuries ago. Nuriath lies in ruins."
She gave him a disbelieving glare, but was shaken by the calm certainty in Kaoren’s eyes and then wavered and vanished. I woke myself up, and held out a hand for him, and shuddered from the effort of just that.
"She was using me as anchor to look here," I said, as he helped me sit up a little. "But she’s projecting herself. Can she be dead, and yet project herself?"
I didn’t get an answer to this – still haven’t – and a technician bustled in with a fortifier and made me drink it until I passed out for the better part of a day. At least I was already in medical. Kaoren stayed with me most of the time, with Maze, Zan, Zee and Mara occasionally spelling him. I felt pretty damn gluggy when I finally woke up, and took a long, cold shower to try and pep myself up a little. It hasn’t really worked, but they don’t want me to go back to sleep as yet, and are making me periodically walk around to keep my circulation up.
Everyone’s a little freaked out about how much energy the projection was costing me. If I was right about it being her dream, not mine, then I mightn’t even be able to wake myself up from it. Since I didn’t try, there’s a lot of unease about what will happen if she uses me as an anchor again. She’s considerably more powerful than me – or, rather, they think she’s actively linked to the platforms and malachite marbles on Muina, because they reacted again during this dream – which is another thing freaking everyone out. No-one’s allowed to use platforms except for emergencies.