They’ve built another little bedsicle nook in the apartment for Siame (with her Sights, I suspect she’d very much preferred not to borrow our bed while we weren’t here), and she retreated there during the kids' story and didn’t re-emerge. Kaoren took a shower while I was stepping Sen through her Sights exercise, and when I went to find him he’d passed out on our bed, which put an end to my plans to really enjoy finally not being under observation in medical.
Friday, October 17
Laying their plans
Fifth, Sixth, Seventh, Ninth and Tenth, Tsur Selkie, and Squad Two arrived while I was having my eye patch removed yesterday morning. They mostly bunked on the Litara, but the Setari building periodically overflowed.
There were only had two things on my personal list of things to do that day: visit Eeli and ravish Kaoren. Since Kaoren had planning meetings scheduled for much of the day, the first seemed easier to accomplish than the second, and I asked Mori and Glade to take me over.
Ista Tremmar was standing by Eeli’s sense-bed when we arrived, and Mori asked her if there’d been any improvement.
"Not yet," Ista Tremmar said. "With head injuries of this nature, there’s not a great deal we can do initially except relieve the pressure. When the swelling has gone down, I’ll have a clearer prognosis."
Eeli was hooked to a machine to keep her breathing. That gave me a jolt, and I found myself only able to look at her in glances. Pale, still, somehow too small for Third’s string bean of energy. I pulled up a chair and picked up her hand, but it was limp and clammy, like the kittens Mimmet had had too early. I put it down carefully.
"Eeli barely seems herself when she’s not moving," Mori said, her voice thick.
"The perpetual motion machine," Glade said, small and shocked.
"I–" I took a breath so my voice was steady, then said: "I’m just going look for something."
I expanded my senses, pushing out. It’s easy to do now, at least when there’s lots of people around. Little points of life, with fainter hazes for plants, and the Setari bright blazes. I kept looking, pushing out, until I noticed a new bright blaze next to me. Kaoren.
Pulling back to myself, I took another steadying breath then opened my eyes, and wiped them.
"Sorry," I said. I tilted my head back so I could see Kaoren. His face was closed, grave. "You can tell, can’t you? That she’s not there."
He nodded.
I made myself pick up Eeli’s hand again, so strange and wrong, and pressed the back of it to my cheek, just for a moment. Then I got up and hugged Mori, who was crying, touched Glade’s arm and let Kaoren take me away.
We went to the top of the Setari building, and sat on a bench beneath fresh green leaves. I didn’t try to speak for a long time, till the blow was something manageable.
"Does Taarel know?" I asked, eventually.
"Only that it’s unlikely she’ll recover," Kaoren said. "Sight is not an absolute in these cases."
"Eeli would hate so much missing out on seeing Taarel with hair cut short." My voice wobbled, and I stopped, then curled my fingers tighter through Kaoren’s, leaning into his side. "Nils told me most frightening thing about me is I could bring people back."
Kaoren’s horror was clearly transmitted everywhere we touched. He drew a breath.
"Don’t worry," I said. "I know – I think she wouldn’t want that. I know you wouldn’t. I’m not sure if–" If Kaoren died, I have no idea how I’d react, but I like to think I would be strong enough not to make a copy of him. "I guess it’s really not that different from making projections living people," I said. "Even projecting only the part of Eeli which isn’t there. But it wouldn’t last and it wouldn’t be real. And that would make it worse than awful."
Kaoren stayed with me for quite a while, attending the strategy meeting virtually. I didn’t feel babysat, just supported, and the way Kaoren had instantly been called out of his meeting to be with me feels like good sense when a few months ago I might have resented being treated as a so-fragile flower. The moment when it occurred to me that I could try to fix Eeli gave me a better appreciation for why the Nuran Setari are dubious about me, and why there’s an entire team of lawyers trying to draft an interplanetary agreement on what I’ll be permitted to do.
I really don’t want to know what the Cruzatch want me to do.
It was necessary to talk Kaoren out of keeping Fourth at Pandora, though. It’s not that I don’t want him here, and aren’t just a little worried about sleeping without him – not to mention having to struggle with the spectre of him in Eeli’s place – but I’ve seen how useful his Sights are in combat. Taking control of Oriath is important, and I want them to have every chance of coming through that battle without any more injuries.
Fortunately I managed to control myself overnight, replaying the otters visualisation, and only having one minor nightmare near dawn: nothing to give anyone reason to second-guess or change all the planning from yesterday. All the squads on Muina, including parts of Eighth, have gone, with considerable air support. The ships will be at the attack site soon, and they want me to visualise just before they arrive so they know how the Cruzatch react. Given the length of the visualisation, and the fact that I’ll be in real-space, I’m almost certain to pass out after that, though I’m going to try and stay awake.
I’m really glad Siame’s here. I’m sure she’s worried about Kaoren as well – and she’s not going to stop disliking me any time soon – but she’s really helped me keep the atmosphere upbeat with the kids. They’re tense, of course, but Siame’s certainty that KOTIS is well prepared to take Oriath makes a big difference.
Saturday, October 18
Timing is everything
I’d tried valiantly to stay awake. My minders for the projection were Taarel and Sefen from Third, both of whom were just wounded enough to be disqualified for the attack, and spent their time tense and tightly controlled because they really wanted to be with the attack force, and are so angry and upset about Eeli. But Taarel stepped me effortlessly through the projection, and obligingly took me back to my apartment afterwards, where I promptly fell asleep on the couch, right in the middle of the battle.
But Siame was right to be confident, and the Setari rolled right over the dozens of Cruzatch waiting for them.
The battle was over almost as soon as it began, and Phase Two – establishing a defensible position – swung into operation. My sleep was occupied by an awareness of Siame giving Ys and Rye a basic combat exercise while Sen watched. Then Siame went out of the apartment – to get dinner apparently – and as soon as she was gone Lira was standing next to me. And my energy-use readings kicked up to dangerous, alerting medical.
Sen made the chirpy little noise she uses half as greeting and half as question – she’s always willing to treat newcomers as potential friends. Ys and Rye’s reaction was far less welcoming – Rye even took on a correct combat stance – but they’re smart kids and we had told them about Lira, so after a pause Ys said: "You know that you make her sick when you use her to come here."