He didn’t hide that this made him feel just about as bad as it did me. I leaned against him, then took Sen off and made us all hot drinks, and we carefully coaxed her back to sleep and sat up for a couple of hours watching the proceedings at Oriath over the interface. They had, as Kaoren said, only just made a breach in the shield when Lira had appeared, and had been performing scans when Kaoren contacted Maze. They actually waited out my weepy fit, which is going to look great on the mission report. "Pause while Devlin wept."
Then they sent First and Second in with Tsur Selkie, who had gone back to Oriath after the meeting because there’s no other Place/Sight talents there at the moment.
The first floor wasn’t too bad – was more of the same kind of living quarters and masses of dead people that we’d found at Arenrhon, but when they reached the ramp down they found that instead of a shield blocking their path there was…distinct weirdness. The ramp looks like it’s underwater, and Tsur Selkie took a long look at it and then pulled the squads out and sent a drone in instead. The drone (a spider drone about the size and shape of a football but with lots of delicate pointy legs) made it about a third of the way down – measuring increasing pressure the entire way, and then collapsed and stopped transmitting. They sent two drones next time, and kept one at the top of the ramp recording what happened to the other one (which they sent down the ramp at a faster speed). It made it about halfway and then crumpled, metal bending and twisting.
This has rather put a damper on exploration, and they’ve set up drones to measure for any fluctuation in energy readings and eventually decided more Place Sight talents were now necessary, so they’re swapping First and Ninth for Fourth, while sending Seventh back to Tare. I have to stay here still, which if it wasn’t for Kaoren being gone would suit me fine, since I really don’t want to go too close to that room. Mara, Zee, Alay and Ketzaren are going to take turns bunking on my couch.
No sign of Lira all day.
Monday, October 27
Ties
Another Cruzatch attack at Oriath last night. They tried to be all sneaky about it, but again preparation and technology defeated them. The greensuits have been taking great satisfaction is setting up very subtle scanners and traps throughout the aboveground palace, and it’s become almost impossible for the Cruzatch to get in to where the research bunker is situated.
Kaoren and Halla completely failed to produce any useful information about the distortion at the ramp, and so they’ve switched to assisting the extremely careful search of the palace and upper floor for any intact information, or Sight impressions, while the technicians try and analyse the tendency of drones to go CRUNCH.
I hate sleeping without Kaoren. I had intended to have Sen in with me, but I ended up staying up very late talking to Mara and nodded off on the couch, so she put me to bed – where I promptly had vague and unsettling dreams about Lira. Not Sight dreams, I think, just ones expressing how sad I felt about her.
It’s very nice having First back though. They’ve a few minor injuries – and two very glum juniors who missed out on getting their captaincies purely due to chance – but First is very much what I need when I don’t have Kaoren around. They’re just such an important part of my life, and having breakfast with them made me feel happy and worried at the same time. They look so worn.
I’m feeling horribly anxious about everyone right now.
Most of the day was filled with training – Mara obligingly including the kids in the torture session, and Lohn whisking them off for games and snacks when they’d run out of pep. She kept me going for much longer, until I could finally escape her and ease my aching bones into a bubble bath. Evil Mara.
I hadn’t been in there very long when Ys surprised me by sending a channel request, and when I accepted it she said flatly: "Lira is in my room."
"She wanted to ask you something?" I asked.
"I showed her how to use my model," Ys said, even more flatly – it was hard to tell if she was annoyed, or daring me to object.
I thought about telling her to make a log (she has the ability now, having flown through infant’s school already), but then said: "Let me know when you’re ready for dinner."
I told Maze, of course, but he agreed that at the moment it was better not to distress Lira, and that if she’d heard anything important she would have come to talk to me. Sen and Rye soon joined Ys, and I settled on the couch listening to them playing Pictionary. If an afternoon with children who don’t run away from her is all I can give Lira, I’m glad to at least give her that. I told Kaoren when he woke up that hearing Ys and Lira both laughing on the same day was almost too much for my feeble mind to process.
Lira left without coming out of Ys' room-nook – I’m willing to bet that breaking down and crying has made her all embarrassed and angry about it – she’s so like Ys. Who came out and glowered at me, and then glowered even more when I hugged her and told her she was a very wonderful person.
We finished off Ys' book at story time, and I said it’s my turn to pick the next one, which I have some plans for, but need to ask permission first.
Tuesday, October 28
Planning a Surprise
Ys' turn for nightmares last night. It’s weird how, even though the kids' rooms aren’t exactly close, I’m still better able to hear them tossing and turning than to notice people sneaking up on me. My kid-sense seems to be far stronger than my combat-sense. I took her a glass of water, and sat with her a little while. Of the three, she’s most aware that Lira is probably not exactly alive, and we had a brief conversation (over the interface because she’s aware Lira watches us) about whether we would be killing Lira by stopping whatever is going on, and whether it’s better to release her from a half-life. Since I’m so confused about the question myself, it was hard to think of a way to be reassuring.
Ys has saved Lira’s (rather good) attempt at creating a statue of a slinking cat, and kept looking at the model unhappily.
It was Zee’s turn on the couch last night, and she was sitting up still when I went to fetch the glass of water, and waited for me to come back. My relationship with Zee has gone weird after my tangle with Nils' dreams. I’m pretty sure she really wants to know what I dreamed, but nothing could make her ask, and I’m busy pretending that there’s no reason she’d be interested and having to stop myself from going: "OH BY THE WAY NILS LOVES YOU!!!1!!!" I’m definitely finding that it’s not fun to know other people’s secrets.
I was glad to talk to Zee though, about the kids and how they’re coping with the dramas, and I particularly wanted to ask her about Siame. The medics are saying she’ll be able to shift out of critical care soon, and I’m struggling with what to do about her current state of mind.
"I’m worried about her making decisions about her future based primarily on being upset because she couldn’t fight three Cruzatch at once. Or because of me."
"Any Kalrani who can bring down even one Cruzatch should be congratulating herself," Zee said. "Nor does it sound like her relationship with her parents is as toxic as her brother’s. No doubt, being Sight Sight talents, they’ll prove to be perfectly tolerable people so long as you’re doing what they think is right."