One thing all this has made clear to me is I would not have made a good archaeologist. I don’t have nearly the patience for it. I concentrated on my school work during the waiting about, and watched a handful of greensuits who seem to have fallen in love with stone skipping. And tried not to look at the smooth white scar of the new settlement. I don’t like to think too much about the impact I’ve had on this world.
Sunday, April 13
Large and loud
This morning Fourth Squad and I went into near-space, trying to work our way down to the lowest levels of the installation through the gaps in the walls that only exist in near-space. But the aether shield exists there as well, and though we did go down to the second level through the holes the machines were maintaining, we couldn’t find any way through to the lower levels.
And the Ddura came and looked at us while we were there, which was really disconcerting. It’s just like a humungous cloud of coloured light, and felt like tingly ice crystals on my face. And was tremendously happy about the Setari, who all could hear it in near-space. It Hhhaaaa’d enough that even Ruuel couldn’t hide how much he wished it would shut up. The greysuits were tremendously interested in the data we brought back about the Ddura, and Fourth Squad all went and lay down for a while. The technology group is growing concerned about having so many of the field-disrupting machines operating together and is going to undo a few of them and open a single path downward in only the first of the thirds. Lots of standing about guarding them while they do that for the Setari.
I stuck with the lying down.
Monday, April 14
Worship
The third level of the installation seems to be some kind of church. Maybe. It was empty of anything resembling furniture, just had carved images of the same woman all over the walls, and mosaics all over the floors. Everywhere the same beautiful, idealised woman, with rivers flowing from her tears, and animals (pippins!) hiding in the folds of her skirts, and forests unwinding from her long flowing hair.
Fourth Squad went very expressionless when looking through this area, and no-one is entirely certain if this is meant to represent their world mother-goddess. There are three entrances to the facility, and the faces above each entrance look different. This woman matches the face above the door for this third, so everyone is wondering, if this is Muina, who are the other two faces meant to be?
Since the levels have been decreasing in size, they’d been expecting to clear down to the lowest level today, but they don’t seem to be able to get their machine to work on the next shield. After spending the entire afternoon standing around watching them not be able to figure out how to get through, Ruuel decided his squad could do with some close-combat training to get the kinks out. This unfortunately included me, with Sonn as my partner. But though she gave me a heck of a bruise on my leg because she expected me to have some faint ability to dodge, Sonn was otherwise a methodical and practical teacher.
Squad One joined in after a while. They haven’t all magically stopped resenting Tarens, but they’ve decided Fourth Squad are decent enough at their jobs and not to blame for a few decades of interplanetary politics. Or, more importantly, Fourth Squad don’t act like they think Kolaren Setari aren’t as good as Taren Setari, and so Squad One don’t constantly have their hackles up.
That didn’t mean both squads weren’t interested in how they measured up to each other at close combat. Particularly Katzyen (her first name is Meral). And Fourth Squad is after all still human and took the matches seriously. Neither squad seemed definitively better. As he usually does, Ruuel was instructing rather than participating – I think he avoids competitive situations – but I wasn’t at all surprised when Katzyen asked him to spar with her.
He agreed matter-of-factly, since it was one thing to avoid competition and another to put her back up by treating her as no competition at all. I doubt he wants too many Kajals obsessing over him. In a way he got that anyway, though not in a hostile way. After countering and avoiding Katzyen’s attacks for a while, as she pushed to even come near him, he ended the fight with what looked like tidy and untroubled efficiency. And told her to work on attacks from the left, since she was weaker with those.
She’s barely taken her eyes off him since. Being comprehensively bettered at hand-to-hand combat isn’t my idea of a turn-on, but it obviously worked for Katzyen. I think it might have worked for Diav as well, and a couple of the greensuits who’d been watching from a distance. Unsurprisingly, Ruuel failed to show any awareness of newly-earned admiration. His squad all noticed: Glade highly amused, Mori tolerant, Sonn dismissive, Halla distant, and Par just a little pink.
I’m getting to know them, settling into a new my squad. Four months since I was rescued. Five months since I was walking home from my last exam and took a wrong turning. I’d be well into my first year of university by now – presuming I did well enough to get in. Jules' birthday soon, and then Mother’s Day. The days add up.
Tuesday, April 15
Uncomfortable belief
Lately I’ve been dreaming consistently of Ruueclass="underline" vaguer versions of the dream I had of being curled up with him asleep, which has made me look forward to heading off to bed. Last night, though, I dreamed that Fourth Squad had been transferred out overnight, and I was now assigned to Seventh Squad. No-one even told me they were gone: I just found Forel and her cronies having breakfast. And then…it was all a confused jumble, but involved more of the training I’ve been doing the last couple of days, except with Seventh Squad making smart-ass comments at my expense. And I was all crushed and humiliated and hurt because Fourth had gone without saying goodbye. Not Ruuel so much, since he’s always so captain with me, but Mori and Glade and Par – even Halla’s chatting with me a little now, and Sonn doesn’t disapprove of me quite so much. And they were just gone without a word, on to their next assignment.
I guess the dream is a reaction to working so much with Fourth these last weeks, to starting to feel like I belong with them. My subconscious was reminding me I’m not part of any squad, that I will always be a temporary assignment. That Mori and Glade probably chat to me because Ruuel told them to.
Fortunately I’m still waking up long before most everyone else. After a shower and a morning spent writing email to Zee and Mara and Zan, I’d gained enough perspective to not look obviously depressed. And it’s not as if I think they’re planning to change my assignment in the near future, since Fourth is the only squad with a Sight Sight talent. It’s funny how the Nuran’s attempt to warn me off prompted the Tarens to drag me around Muina’s ruins on the off-chance that they can figure out what he meant.
No progress on breaking through to the next level today, so they opened up the other parts of the third level instead. It was all more murals and carvings and mosaics, but with two different people playing the role of god-like being: a man and a different woman. All a little confronting for ex-Muinans. So far as they know, the Lantarens enjoyed an unquestioned right to rule, but were not considered gods, and the Tarens are very uncomfortable with imagery which so obviously treats them as gods. Well, presuming these were meant to be Lantarens and not some gods that the Tarens don’t remember anyone believing in. Maybe this is the not-very-secret base of a cult or something.