After that, she enhanced again and started working on closing the gate properly, telling each of the Kalrani to enhance and join in one by one. They can’t work on it continuously, needing to rest sooner than the five minutes my enhancement lasts, with long recovery times. But still, in less than a kasse they’d completely closed the thing, and were all looking tremendously exhausted. But very pleased.
After that were medical tests for all, heh, and Taarel told me that we were likely to be cleared to head to Unara tomorrow. Then I slept all afternoon and for the second time since I came back to Tare I dreamed of wandering around KOTIS, through endless empty corridors, looking for Ruuel.
Back in Year 10, Alyssa fell for a guy named Kyle Marcus. He was the sort who ends up Dux of the school, playing violin recitals, and winning debating prizes, but fun enough that hardly anyone hated him for it. Alyssa and Kyle were both on the student group helping organise the joint Year 10 Formal with Agowla and the Boy’s Tech, and she spent the entire term being her brightest, funniest self: chatting with him, putting up all the signals. But when the term was over, and he’d passed up going to the after-party she’d arranged, she gave up. She said it would be embarrassing for them both if she ran after him like a dog in heat.
I don’t want to run after someone who doesn’t want me. And I’ve been trying very hard not to think about Ruuel, or write about him, and I try to avoid sitting around looking at log images of him because I’m sure what files I access is part of second level monitoring as well. But I keep having these dreams and when I wake up all I can think about is that he’s not there. That he’s not just one pod over. That he’s not even on the same planet as me, and if I cried out for him he wouldn’t come. It’s so pathetic.
Ruuel has never encouraged me in the remotest way, never shown any interest in me beyond carrying out his captain-duties. Unfortunately, I can’t simply make a sane, logical decision to not want him, and so I’ve spent the past couple of days feeling miserable and being frustrated with myself. Because Ruuel, who has never sat down to chat with me or spent any effort trying to socialise with me, isn’t here. I miss just being near him.
Taarel is too good a captain not to notice I’m down, but she’s also smart enough not to push. She keeps an eye on me, treats me with consideration, but otherwise just gives me opportunities to talk to her. Of course, Taarel’s the last person I’d tell about my feelings for Ruuel. Too humiliating if she had to gently break it to me that she’s engaged to him. If Taarel and Ruuel are a couple, right now I just don’t want to know.
Ghost was with me when I woke, which helped considerably. I have as much hope of smuggling her with me to Unara as I did to Muina, but I wish I could. Even though she’s only the echo of a memory, she’s such a normal cat: smart and mischievous, loves being scratched behind her ears, purrs and acts like she missed me. And she’s mine, in a way very little is here. Petting her was the best stupid thing I ever did.
Tuesday, April 22
What would Wikipedia say?
In among the make-believe there seems to now be a handful of truth about me in the public domain. I read all about myself this morning, finding dozens of interface spaces devoted to me, just like the Setari watch sites. And I have an encyclopaedia entry. No real pictures of me at all, thankfully, although there’s some quite accurate drawings. I wasn’t surprised to see that some of Nenna’s friends had recorded meeting Nenna’s guest stray, but it seems that you can’t record images of strays any more than you can images of Setari. Strays count as protected incompetents until they’ve passed various tests. But they could record my voice, and the outline of me, and it was squirmy awful hearing me trying to speak in Taren back then. I was so slow, and my pronunciation was dreadful and I kept using the wrong words and totally wrong grammar. It’s a wonder anyone could understand me at all. I’m still not close to fluent, and wouldn’t be able to speak it properly without the interface, but I’m clear enough now.
My encyclopaedia entry says:
"Kaszandra Devlin. Born approximately 15 Denn 3732, city of Oztralya, planet Urth. Passed through natural gate to Muina approximately 40 Ord 3785. Located by Setari exploratory team on 2 Arn 3785, at ruins site Goralath, and processed as displaced person. Identified as enhancement talent and assigned to assist Setari. On 32 Nayz 3786 provided identification clearance to Setari squad under attack by Ddura at Goralath, effectively unlocking the planet of Muina for resettlement."
I had a good laugh at the city of Oztralya and read through the entries for Urth and Pandora, which sadly did not include anything about releasing all the evils of the world. There was tons more on the less official sites. A good deal of the initial hostility toward me seems to have died down after the sister planet explanation, but it’s a thousand percent obvious I’m never going to have anything remotely resembling a normal life on this planet. If I were at all unclear on that point.
KOTIS has released a handful of statements about my discovery on Muina, and how I’d been working with the Setari, but what I’d been doing recently was definitely not public knowledge. In fact, there was nothing on the public networks about the Arenrhon installation at all, let alone the Nuran. I’m betting they’ll keep it quiet as long as they can.
Tons on Pandora, though. The settlement has grown enormously: multiple buildings up and running, and more under construction. Even some that aren’t blocky squares. Pandora’s focus has become more about learning to live on the planet, rather than unlocking the secrets of its past, and they’re cataloguing the plants and the animals and testing out crops. It looks utterly gorgeous, with the leaves vivid reds and golds and the lake a slate-blue colour. Everyone not too freaked out by the thought of being outside really wants to go there. There’s even a competition, where the prize is getting to visit.
We’re starting for Unara late this afternoon. I’ve been in a very non-talky mood. I need to deliver Pollyanna instead of Gloomzilla.
Into the breach
We didn’t start out for Unara until quite late in my day, and it felt very much like a school outing with the Kalrani in their cream and brown uniforms lined up before the entrance of a small arrowhead-shaped tanz. Space-aged school bus. The Kalrani were, if anything, even more stiff and upright than yesterday, making Rite Orla and Tol Sefen from Third look positively laidback as they strolled up just before me. The half of Third without Combat Sight gets to go on leave, but Orla and Sefen are stuck with helping baby-sit – guarding against any Ionoth which have been missed by the sweeps and come lurching out of the gate at us. There were also a handful of greysuits and greensuits, but Taarel was most definitely in charge, and started us out with a crisp briefing about the arrangements for getting us to and from the gate-lock, and what we should do if anyone somehow gets separated. She thinks the job will take one to two weeks (twelve days).
One of the oldest Kalrani, a girl named Pen Alaz, piped up at the end of the briefing and asked Taarel if it was true gate closure would become a regular task. I could see from the way a few of the Kalrani leaned forward that this was an important question to them. I expect, given how long they’ve trained to go into the Ena and fight Ionoth, the idea of a career in world-wall repairs was as dull as it sounded to me.