And so demanding. In the evenings, after Betsy had done the dishes (not very well most of the time), she would come to sit by Jeanne on the sofa and give her a greedy, childish hug. After it, she would never quite let go. Instead, as they chatted, she would continue to lean against Jeanne and squeeze her hand or her arm. At intervals she would rub up against her like an overgrown puppy, and kiss and caress her, not minding that Polly was in the room; maybe even enjoying it.
What Polly should do, of course, was to find someone she could kiss and caress; but the more time passed the less likely that seemed. She was finished with men, and the women she’d met through Jeanne either weren’t available or didn’t attract her. Maybe, Polly thought miserably, she would never make love to anyone again. For the rest of her life, nobody but dentists and gynecologists would ever touch the inside of her mouth or of anything else of hers. Instead of having sexual experiences, she would lie helpless in medical offices, with her feet in metal stirrups or a paper bib tied around her neck.
Polly sighed, almost groaned. As soon as she could gather her strength she was going to shove her way back through the mob in the gallery, which ought to be thinning out soon. She was going to go home, take a lot of Actifed, and climb into her bed. Or rather, she thought with irritation, into Stevie’s bed, because hers was now in Stevie’s room with Jeanne and Betsy.
In a couple of weeks, of course, Jeanne and Betsy would be gone and Stevie would be home. Home for good, she wanted to say; but even that wasn’t certain now. Last night while she was on the phone to him in Denver, he had mentioned that his father thought it might be a smart idea for him to stay on in Colorado through next June, so he wouldn’t have to switch schools in the middle of the year. “And how do you feel about that?” Polly had asked, making a serious effort not to scream.
“I d’know,” Stevie said in a polite fade-away voice.
“Well, think about it, okay?” she shouted into the receiver.
“Okay,” Stevie had replied, sounding thousands of miles off; as he was.
“Let me talk to your father, please,” Polly said, the horseflies of rage already beginning to swarm and seethe in her head; and when Jim came on the phone she could not prevent herself from shouting at him. As usual, he remained disgustingly reasonable and calm. Yes, he had mentioned the possibility, he admitted. But he thought that they should let Stevie decide for himself; that would be the best and fairest thing. The best, maybe, Polly thought furiously; but how could it be the fairest, when Jim was there on the spot, always ready with his sensible arguments, his expensive bribes, his — in her mother’s phrase — “normal family life.”
Right now, maybe, Stevie was deciding to stay in Denver forever, and she was hiding in a museum hallway with a bad headache and an incipient throbbing pain in her jaw.
Almost as soon as she had arrived she’d realized that she never should have come. She’d thought it might distract her and cheer her up to see old friends; instead, it had made her feel worse. Everyone she knew seemed overdressed, slightly unreal, and peculiarly solicitous; they asked how she was with an air of expecting bad news. Also, as she might have foreseen, many of them wanted to know how her biography of Lorin Jones was coming along. “Oh, all right, thanks,” she had to lie over and over again.
Then she ran into an old acquaintance who’d heard that Polly was on leave and assumed she was “getting back to” her painting. “Oh no, I gave all that up years ago,” Polly had to say. “I’m doing a book on ... et cetera.
“You’ve given up painting? Oh, dear. But why?”
Polly hadn’t tried to explain it. Instead, she had excused herself to go and hide in the washroom, like some embarrassed teenager.
There, in front of the sinks, she had a lowering but enlightening vision. She glanced into the mirror and realized that the novocaine Dr. Bebb had shot into her jaw had not only left half her face numb, it had paralyzed the muscles on one side, giving her a look of lopsided frozen misery. No wonder so many of her friends had inquired about her health and spirits. She had no way of knowing how long the paralysis would last; but there wasn’t any point in waiting around to find out. As soon as the crowd diminished a bit she’d take off.
From where she sat now Polly could see a section of the main exhibition area, a lofty, smoky, spotlit space crowded with multicolored bodies and objects. Again, as at the Apollo Gallery two months ago, she felt as if she were gazing into an aquarium: this time a huge one packed with marine life, with every sort of fish and crustacean and aquatic plant: a crowd of fluttering, many-hued fins and fronds, glittering scales, and waving claws and feelers — everything covered with a smoky froth of stale bubbles. None of these creatures were looking at the pictures and sculpture; rather, they were crawling and swimming around them like crabs and fish circulating unaware among rare corals and sunken treasure.
“Darling.” Jacky Herbert was swimming toward her now, his considerable stomach straining a shiny pale gray satin waistcoat quilted in scales. “I was so hoping I’d see you here.”
“Hi there.”
“How are you?” Jacky bent down to goggle at her. “Heavens, what’s happened to your face?”
“I’ve just been to the dentist. Root canal work.”
“Ooh, horrid. I had that last year, I know exactly how hateful it is. You poor thing.” He subsided onto the bench beside her. “But I’m going to cheer you up. I have such marvelous news: I’ve discovered two new little Jones watercolors we didn’t even know existed.”
“Oh, great.” Polly tried to sound enthusiastic, wondering why she had to try. Maybe she was going into a clinical depression.
“You must come down to the Apollo very very soon, so I can show you the photos. I’m sure you’ll want slides. They’re from about fifty-seven, fifty-eight, my favorite period almost. Though I do adore those strange late paintings too; if only there were more of them! ... How is the book coming, anyhow?”
“Oh, all right.”
“I hear you saw Grace Skelly.” Jacky sucked air like a fish.
“Yeah. She told me how close she and Lorin Jones were, and how awfully happy Lorin was that the Skellys had bought Birth, Copulation, and Death.”
“Well, what did you expect?” His voice bubbled with suppressed mirth. “You don’t imagine Grace wants to go down in history as someone an artist couldn’t stand to have owning one of her paintings? You didn’t contradict her, I hope.”
“Well, no. But I’m certainly not going to publish her version.”
“That’s too bad.” Jacky giggled outright. “You could do yourself some good that way, you know. Grace would be very very grateful; and one thing you have to say for the Skellys, they pay their debts.”
“But her story’s a complete fabrication. You told me so yourself.”
“So what? Nobody else is going to know that. And besides, who can be sure my story was true either? I’d certainly deny it if anyone asked me.” He giggled again, puffing his cheeks up with air and shaking his head solemnly. Then his expression changed. “I hope you’re not for a single moment considering publishing what I told you,” he added in an offhand manner, gazing away from Polly.
“Why not?” she asked. She wasn’t fooled by the tone; she knew that Jacky always seemed most lively and intense when he was relaying unimportant gossip; when he adopted a careless, uninterested style he was deadly serious.
“Surely you’re joking.” Jacky almost yawned, but he also turned and looked hard at her.
“Why should I be joking?”
“Because if you did print what I told you, darling,” he drawled, “the Skellys would never buy another picture from me, or lend any thing to the Museum as long as you worked here; and Bill would probably sue you for libel.”