"Oh, but I do not believe I can!" she said, jumping to her feet. "I think the occasion calls for dancing. We have not had any at all this year, though there are any number of persons here to make up couples and sets. We must dance this evening. Nothing else will do. I shall go and talk to Papa immediately about having the carpet rolled up. Cousin Edith will play the pianoforte. We will start with a waltz, and I shall absolutely want the four of us to begin it with perhaps Faith and Aubrey as well."
And she was gone, making her way past smiling cousins and uncles and aunts to her father. Sir Godfrey grinned at his two silent friends.
"I always knew that your sister was a bundle of energy, Charles," he said. "I now begin to wonder if I shall be able to keep up with her."
"If I see Hope striding along in a few years' time dragging behind her a pale shadow of a man," Rutherford said, "I shall know what has happened, Godfrey."
They both laughed, but truth to tell Rutherford was feeling far fromamused. He was feeling deuced uncomfortable and would quite cheerfully have throttled his sister at that moment. What was he to do about the silent figure beside him? He could not even plot how to move away from her. It seemed that they were doomed to waltz together as soon as Hope had organized the dancing. And that would not take long. All the people at one end of the long drawing room were already being herded out of the way so that a long line of footmen could roll up the Turkish carpet.
How could he dance with her? Touch her, look at her, speak to her?
"Will you mind dancing, Miss Moore?" Sir Godfrey was asking Jessica. "You really were not given much choice, were you?"
"I shall be delighted to dance for the occasion," she said. "And I am truly happy for you, sir. Lady Hope is a very special person."
It was fortunate that she was talking to Godfrey at that moment, Rutherford thought. When they were suddenly called upon to move from their places so that the footmen could clear their end of the room, it was quite natural for Godfrey to reach out a hand for hers. Rutherford stood slightly behind them for the next few minutes while they chatted amiably. He had not realized that those two were quite such friends. They joked and teased each other with great ease. He wished he could turn and leave the room.
"There!" Lady Hope said as she returned to the side of her betrothed. "All ready. You see, it was not such a great upheaval after all, was it? And Cousin Edith has been practicing already. Let us take our places. Charles? Miss Moore?"
Jessica turned to glance nervously at Lord Rutherford. He bowed formally and stretched out a hand for hers. He really did not want to be doing this, he thought as he led her out onto the floor. He was somewhat relieved to see that Faith and Aubrey and a few other couples were also preparing to dance.
Well, he thought, turning to face Jessica, this was the last time he would be close to her. Torture as it would be, he must make the most of it too. His eyes met hers as his one hand went to her small waist and hers rested on his shoulder. He clasped her other hand in his.
"I am sorry, Jess," he said. "I would not have deliberately put you through this."
She swallowed. "It is your sister's evening," she said. "We must help make her happy."
She fixed her eyes on his waistcoat as the music played. He watched the shining curls on top of her head, remembering that the thought had occurred to him earlier that morning that perhaps two family betrothals would be being celebrated that evening. There was a dull ache somewhere in the region of his throat and chest.
"Jess," he said after a long interval of silence. She looked up at him, her eyes bright, so that for a moment he had an insane urge to bend his head and kiss her. "I shall be leaving here tomorrow. You need not fear that there will be awkward moments like this to live through in the coming days."
She stared at him and then nodded briefly.
"And you need not worry about coming face to face with me in town over the coming months," he said. "I will not be there. I shall retire to my own estate until the spring and then I am going to go abroad. Probably for a few years. It is unlikely that you will have to see me after tonight, Jess. Perhaps ever. You will be free of me."
She blinked twice and her eyes looked somewhat brighter than before. "Yes," her lips said, though he heard no sound.
He forced himself to smile. "I am sorry," he said. "I tried to order your life instead of asking what you wanted, did I not? You see the measure of my arrogance? It never really occurred to me until this morning that perhaps your own wishes just did not include me. I understand now. And I respect your choice. Will you forgive me? Can we at least part a little less than bitter enemies?"
She continued to stare at him with huge eyes before nodding her head briefly and looking sharply downward again. He took her through the motions of the waltz while every part of him ached to draw her closer, to move his arm right around her waist, to bring her head against his shoulder, and to sway to the rhythm of the waltz with her.
Jess. His hands touched her lightly, desperately trying to record the memory of her. His nostrils were deliberately conscious of the fragrance of her. Would he ever see her again? In years' time, when she was married with a few children, when he too maybe had taken a wife, would he see her again and feel nothing perhaps except the faintest pang of nostalgia?
Perhaps. But the prospect did nothing to ease the raw pain of today. Today she had told him that there was nothing about him that she could like, she had rejected his marriage offer. Today he had decided to go away from her rather than try again to persuade her to marry him. And today, now, he touched her, knowing that soon, at any minute, he must let her go and never touch her again. Today he had long months of emptiness and pain to look ahead to.
The music stopped before he was ready for it to do so. She looked up at him, a bewildered expression on her face.
"Good-bye, Jess," he said, raising her hand to his lips. He smiled down at her. "Be happy, my dear. I shall always wish for your happiness."
She did not immediately reply. He did not wait to see if she would have done so. He let go of her hand and hurried from the room.
15
Jessica was standing in her room at Berkeley Square, looking down at the small trunk and the valise at her feet. She thought she had everything. It had been easy packing her things when she was leaving the Barries. It had been merely a matter of taking with her all the scant belongings in the room. This time it was a little more difficult. There was so much to leave behind: everything, in fact, that the dowager duchess had bought for her. Only what she had brought with her would she take away again.
She looked down rather ruefully at the plain gray woolen dress she wore. She had thought when a maid had hung it with the others at the back of her wardrobe that perhaps she would never wear it again. Indeed, the dowager had urged her to give them all away. But she was very glad now that she had kept them. It would not do for a young lady to board the stagecoach and go in search of employment dressed up in expensive finery.
There seemed to be nothing left to do but pull on her gray cloak and bonnet and her black gloves and leave. Indeed, she must not delay for much longer. There was quite a distance to cover to the stagecoach terminal, and she must not miss the coach.
Jessica felt far more pain in looking around her this time than she had when leaving the Barries' home. She had been happy here. She had been treated well. She had felt loved. Once outside this building and she would be completely on her own again, all her dreams and hopes of the previous weeks finally dead. She would be a governess for the rest of her life, if she were fortunate.