In many ways, that was the happiest summer I’d ever spent. I read a lot, particularly old classics. I did some writing myself, mostly poetry, most of it very bad. I took guitar lessons and found I had a little bit of a knack for it, so I began to write some songs and play them to the trees in the national forest. When I looked in the mirror, I would catch myself smiling. That was a new experience for me.
Most of all, I was excited about you that summer.
I could feel you moving, kicking, shifting, as if you were impatient to be out in the world with me. As the time passed and my due date got closer, I began to allow myself to dream that I had a future. That we had a future.
It still makes me sad to realize those hopes were a mirage.
Just as I got to the last month of my pregnancy, everything fell apart. That fragile confidence I had in my life blew away like a spiderweb in the wind. In a single moment, I knew that happiness wasn’t in the cards for me.
You see, the Ursulina came back.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Darrell showed up at my door before dawn on a Sunday morning in early October. That had once been a common experience for me, but it hadn’t happened in a long time. I could tell from the strange look of horror on his face that something was wrong. He apologized for getting me out of bed, but he asked me if I could come with him to a crime scene.
Quickly.
At that point in my life, I didn’t do anything quickly. Walking anywhere was an effort. Even getting in and out of bed took ten minutes. I had one of those pregnancy bodies where the rest of me stayed skinny, but you presented like a Thanksgiving turkey big enough to serve a family of twenty, and the weight of you meant I had to pee every hour on the hour. I was still a few weeks from my due date, but I had the feeling you would be coming sooner, rather than later. So I wasn’t anxious to stray far from home.
“Look at me, Darrell,” I said. “Are you kidding?”
“Yes, I understand, but I got a call about a murder, and this is one where I’d like to have you with me.”
“Why me? I’m just a secretary. I’m not a deputy anymore. Jerry would flip if he found out you brought me to a crime scene.”
“I’ll explain when we get there. I wouldn’t ask if I didn’t need you.”
“Why not Ajax? He’s your partner now.”
Darrell sighed. “Look, Rebecca, you can say no if you want. If you’re not up for this in your condition, then I get it, of course. I feel bad even asking, but I really want your help.”
I wasn’t going to say no, not after Darrell and his family had been a lifeline for me for most of the year. He knew that. It took me a while to get dressed, and then Darrell helped me out to his cruiser. It wasn’t even seven in the morning, earlier than any of the churchgoers would be out, so the streets were empty. As we drove, the day brightened, revealing the palette of reds and yellows in the trees. Soon enough, the leaves would be falling, burying us the way the winter snow does.
Darrell didn’t say much along the way. I asked him twice more what had happened, but I realized he wasn’t going to tell me until we got there. I wasn’t sure if he was keeping it a secret for some reason, or if he was simply having trouble processing whatever it was. He had a queasy look I’d seen on his face before.
It was a look that said there would be blood.
Based on the route we took, I thought at first that Darrell was taking me to his own house, which was down the dirt road near Norm’s place, and next door to my father’s old house.
“Are the girls okay?” I asked with concern.
“The girls are fine.”
“Is it Norm? Or Will?”
“No. It’s not them.”
That gave me a small sense of relief. When we got to the crossroad, Darrell turned the opposite way, driving in the shadows of the forest for several miles. He finally pulled into a driveway at the house belonging to Ajax and Ruby. Several cars had arrived ahead of us. Neighbors. Friends. But ours was the only squad car. I could see Ruby herself at the base of the porch steps, with her nine-month-old son in her arms. Her red hair blew wildly, and her face was a pale mess of tears.
“Oh my God,” I murmured, turning to Darrell. “Ajax?”
He replied in a clipped voice. “Yes.”
“Dead?”
“According to Ruby, yes.”
“What on earth happened?”
“I don’t know. That’s what we need to find out.”
As I struggled to get out of the car, Ruby came toward us, screaming. Her shrill panic set her baby crying, too. One of our mutual high school friends emerged from inside the house and rushed to take Ruby’s son from her. At that point, Ruby collapsed, wailing as she knelt in the dew-damp grass.
“He’s dead! He’s dead! Who did this? What am I going to do?”
Darrell helped Ruby back to her feet. I felt terrible for what she was going through, but I also felt awkward, standing there with no real role to play. I still didn’t understand why Darrell needed me. The pregnant office secretary. If Ajax was the victim, there were other deputies who could have come here with him to start the investigation.
“Ruby, let’s go inside,” Darrell told her softly. “Tell us where to go.”
She had her face buried in his chest, and she was making incoherent whimpering noises. He let her cry for a while longer, and then he took her shoulders gently and held her until she was able to focus.
“Ruby? I know this is hard, but take us inside, okay? You don’t have to show us the body. You can stay with your friends and wait for us. Are the other kids here?”
She shook her head. “A friend took them to her house.”
“Good. We’ll need to talk to you, but we have to see — we have to see what happened first. Okay?”
“It’s horrible. It’s horrible. It’s unbelievable.”
“I know.”
Then, like a snake’s head whipping around, Ruby’s gaze shifted to me, and her entire face contorted from grief into simmering hatred. “What the hell is she doing here?”
“I wanted her help.”
“She’s not even a cop anymore. Get her out of here.”
“Ruby, please. This isn’t the time. Take us inside.”
She stalked away from us with quick, angry footsteps. We followed, with me slowing down the pace. I hadn’t seen much of Ruby this year, and when I had, she’d been cold and distant, but this reaction was beyond anything she’d shown me before. I didn’t think she’d forgotten the incident between me and Ajax months earlier in the bathroom of the 126, but this seemed over the top for something like that.
We entered the house, and without a word, Ruby simply pointed at an oak door that led down to the basement. After that, she went into the living room and took her baby in her arms again. There were three other women inside who gathered around her. I knew all of them, but they shot me looks that mirrored Ruby’s disgust.
Darrell opened the basement door, but then he hesitated. He seemed to see me for the first time, baby bump and all, even though we’d been together in the sheriff’s office every day for months. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have pushed you to come with me. I know you’re pregnant, and so much has happened to you, but I still think of you like I did before. I wanted your help, but I wasn’t thinking about how you might react. Are you up for this?”