“The keys to the Audi? Why? Wait, Pierre, I’ll go get them, they must be upstairs.”
“OK, thanks.”
She didn’t want to come with me. I was a little perturbed to see her head back to the cash register, staring off into space, Madeleine had agreed to look after the bar. On my way out I saw the young man in black coming in, and I smiled at him without meaning to, how much longer was he going to keep hanging around Le Cercle, anyway? There were dead leaves on the car again, she was parked on the Avenue de la Marne. I picked them off and drove away, I really should save up and buy myself a car someday, when I get too worn out. I’d left my old one behind when I left my last girlfriend, Jacqueline, and the apartment we lived in. We’d bought that car together, we’d taken out a little loan for the purpose. We also took little vacations together, never more than a week. We toured the châteaux of the Loire, where I was thoroughly bored, and then once in August we rented a place in the country near Dieppe. I wanted to see the beach again, and its pebbles, the first one I’d been to with my new foster family. I never explained all that to Jacqueline. We’d even made some more distant plans, we’d bought the Michelin guide to Italy, but just then I got scared of the new life spreading out in front of us, and I left her before we could go. Sometimes on Sundays we went for aimless little drives here and there, through the forests around Paris, or along the valley of the Chevreuse, or to Fontainebleau. It must be wonderful around there right now, with the fallen leaves. Why was I thinking of that? I drove through the little streets of Asnières, and when I reached Gennevilliers I took the four-lane toward Eugène-Varlin and the big housing projects, that’s where Sabrina lived. I had no trouble finding a parking place under the gray skies, there’s construction going on everywhere, walled-off work sites in an unholy mess, with nobody working, it can go on like that here for years at a time. Young guys hang around in the streets, talking loudly about the same things people talk about everywhere else. It’s only their voices that change, to tell the truth. Women with baby carriages and plastic bags from the big Carrefour supermarket in Gennevilliers.
I looked at the mailboxes and found Sabrina’s name, I couldn’t remember what floor she lived on. It felt pretty grim in there, so close to my tidy little suburb, kind of like another world. I rang at her door. There was noise coming from every floor, music, dogs waiting for walk-time, and then the TV in Sabrina’s apartment.
“Why, Pierre! Come in!” She was wearing a bathrobe. “What are you doing here?” Her hair was undone, and her eyes were a little too red, she really did have the flu. “Don’t get too close, or I’ll give you this bug I’ve got!”
She stood aside to let me in. There were bottles of medicine on her table, she’d set up the ironing board in front of the TV.
“You should have let me know you were coming, I would have straightened up.”
I told Sabrina I was just in the neighborhood and thought I’d stop by, the boss had been gone for two days and we hadn’t heard a thing from him. Her eyes got wide.
“Oh really? What’s up with him?”
She gave a big cough, tears came to her eyes.
“Oh, this flu. I was just about to make some tea, like a cup?”
“Yes, thanks.”
She’d taped up her kids’ drawings on the wall by the TV, all marked with the dates, and sometimes a few words too, in red, blue, or green. Sabrina was in all sorts of bright colors, a huge sun was shining. It was quiet here, and I would gladly have stuck around a while myself, I could well understand how the boss might fall in love with that girl. And as a matter of fact, Pierrot, I said to myself, but those are just stupid little ideas that come into my head now and then, because I’m alone, and because most of the time I have nothing in front of me but the same old barman’s day, and how much longer is that going to last? And then in the evening, at night, that stupid dream that keeps waking me up. She came back with a tray, she had some little cakes on a plate next to the tea. That was very sweet of her, I thought.
“Here, sit down. How are you getting along without him?”
“We’re managing. But it can’t go on like this. There’s a new girl to replace you, she’s already sick of the whole thing. You don’t know where he is?”
She looked me straight in the eyes.
“I have no idea, Pierre.”
We looked at each other like that, and then her pretty smile faded a little, and suddenly I got it, if you don’t mind my saying.
“I’ve had to wait for him too, you know.”
“You didn’t see him, he didn’t even call you?”
She pulled out her handkerchief.
“Excuse me.”
I looked around the room like an idiot, maybe there was something to see over by the ironing board. Sabrina had a lot of work to do. I recognized the little boy’s clothes, and the girl’s colorful dresses. The sky was brighter here, because of the height of the building. Sometimes the sky must even have been a little too bright. It made me think of before, long before, when I wasn’t a barman but a fireman, an explorer, a soldier, and a soccer player, a long way from Le Cercle, the bright sky I had inside me, and above me, before the apartment blocks where I grew up. She went into the next room, which must have been her bedroom, and when she came back she sat down on a chair facing me. We drank our tea without a word. Now and then we gave each other a smile. She talked about him a little. My beloved boss. They’d been seeing each other for two years, every chance they got. It was love at first sight, that’s what it was. He’d taken her to England once, and then at one point they’d run off to Saint-Malo. He loved Saint-Malo. “Oh really?” At first he was sincere, his marriage wasn’t what it used to be, but it hadn’t taken her long to figure it out. “Figure what out?” I understood too, she didn’t really have to answer.
“What are you going to do, Sabrina?”
She looked around, glanced toward the ironing board, and then she smiled at me, looking at her watch.
“Oh dear, I’ve got to go pick up the kids at school! I completely lost track of the time! My little girl gets out in ten minutes.”
I stood up with her, I put my raincoat back on.
“Don’t worry about me, Pierre, I’ve been around the block, you know. Will you get the elevator? I’ll be right there.”
We parted ways eight floors below. Sabrina had a laugh in her eyes.
“You’ll keep me posted, right, Pierre?”
“Yes, of course, Sabrina. Give the kids a kiss for me.”
“By the way, they call you Pierrounet, did you know that?”
She laughed as she was turning away, now she had tears in her eyes. I watched her walk off in her high heels, they’d been clattering around Le Cercle for more than two years now, and as she walked she put on her lipstick so she’d be beautiful like the women in the pictures on the walls. When she was finished she gave me a little wave, without turning around.
Pierrot my friend, I said to myself, and this time it must have been something very important, but I didn’t get a chance to say anything because there were some teenagers gathered around the boss’s wife’s Audi, so what can you do, I went over to see.
“What year is she, m’sieur?”
“You weren’t even born yet, my boy.”
“How ’bout a ride?”
“Some other time, I’m in a hurry.”
“Really? When? You live around here, m’sieur?”
“Yes, and where’s your school?”
“On Gabriel-Péri, we didn’t have school today, m’sieur. They threw us out for three days.”
They all had a good laugh and went on to the next car. I drove away wondering various things, it looked bad this time, was there anything else I could do? I wandered around till it got dark. There are a lot of cafés, and after a while I decided I’d had enough. I went back to Le Cercle, the boss’s wife was there waiting for me, looking like she’d never budged from the cash register. Madeleine gave me a dirty look and I raised my arms toward the sky, I told her I was sorry but, you know, what could I do?