“Should that be so, then the malady you suffer from is mine as well,” Dallan returned, frowning sternly. “I, too, have no understanding of what occurs, yet do I mean to know. Up on your feet, wenda, and come with me. As you have been left in my charge, you will ride with me till we camp for the darkness.”
“I have already said I will no longer accompany this party,” I told him, finding that my right fingers had gone to my left wristband. “Do you believe he will be insulted if I retain his bands for a short while longer?”
“Terril, I cannot fathom his intent to unband you,” Dallan said with puzzlement tinged with hurt, crouching so that he might put his hand to my face. “Was there a thing that passed between you which Cinnan and I are unaware oft”
“You saw what passed between us,” I said, finding no comfort in the touch of his hand as I once might have. “As he said, I bested him; is it any wonder he no longer feels love for me? I have become a monster in his eyes, the monster I am in truth. Best would be that you leave me now, for monsters are well known for turning on those nearest them without provocation. I would not wish to see you harmed.”
I got to my feet and walked away from his stare, back uphill to where I’d stood when I’d decided I couldn’t live without respect. The sun was trying hard to warm everything beneath it, but its efforts were as weak and inadequate as mine. I’d been trying for a small taste of life beside the man I loved; I hadn’t thought the taste would be quite that small.
“Terril, your words hold no meaning for us,” Dallan protested, and from the sound of his voice I could tell he’d foolishly followed me. “We have no fear that you will cause us harm.”
“You are fools, then,” I said, turning abruptly to look at him. Dallan stood perhaps three or four feet away, Cinnan a couple of feet behind him, and with the slope of the ground neither one of them stood as high above me as he usually did. “Wise men never fail to fear monsters, and take themselves from them as quickly as possible. Would you prefer to be harmed?”
“You see yourself as something objectionable because of the skill you exhibited?” Dallan asked, showing no insult at being called a fool. “Because of the power which was shown, we are now to consider you a monster?”
“Should that be so, you must consider us the same,” Cinnan put in, coming forward to stand beside Dallan. “For what reason do you fail to show fear of us’?”
The two of them were staring straight at me, their blue eyes showing no attempt at evasion, no indication that they weren’t speaking the absolute truth. I could see that even with my shield closed, the shield I’d closed as soon as Tammad had mounted up and ridden away, but what I couldn’t see was what they were getting at.
“I fail to understand the meaning of your words,” I said, looking from one to the other. “You are neither of you monsters, therefore is there scarcely a need to fear you.”
“You believe there are none upon this world who fear l’lendaa?” Dallan asked, his tone as sober as it had been, his manner as unrelenting. “A l’lenda is one with skill in battle, one whose sword skill sets him apart. For what reason do you not tremble in fear against the possibility of my drawing my sword and striking you down?”
“You-would not do such a thing,” I answered, upset by how grim the two of them looked. “To be l’lenda is to be possessed of honor, and honor would not permit the striking down of one who was unarmed. You cannot be thought of as monsters simply because of the skill you possess.”
“And yet you would have us see you so for the same reason,” Dallan pursued, taking a step forward. “You are a monster who might easily cause us harm, therefore are we to fear you. Strike then, monster, for we do not fear you, nor do we mean to leave you be.”
“Indeed,” said Cinnan, also stepping closer. “Strike, monster, and end us with your skill and power.”
I looked at the two of them, trying their best to deny what I’d said, knowing they really were fools. All I had to do was lower my shield and reach out to them, and they’d know the same thing. I wanted to raise my head defiantly and show them how wrong they were, but for some reason I couldn’t. I felt very small and very hurt, and I just couldn’t do that to anyone again. I looked at them one last time with my fingers to my wristband, then simply and silently turned away. I meant to continue on up the trail, but a big hand came to my shoulder to stop me.
“You will not cause us harm for the same reason we would not harm you, wenda,” Dallan said, his voice now grown softer. “As you are unarmed before us, so are we before you. You, too, have a sense of honor which disallows unprovoked attack. ”
“Do not speak that word to me!” I snapped, pulling away from his hand before whirling to face him. “It was the pursuit of honor which caused me to do as I did, and brought about the loss I now face! Of what use is such a thing as honor, when it brings only pain and loss?”
“It was not honor which caused your loss, sister,” Dallan said, still looking at me soberly. “The true cause continues to remain beyond our understanding, yet was it certainly not honor. ”
“Perhaps-it was no other thing,” Cinnan said slowly, his eyes focused inward with thought, one finger rubbing absently at his face. “To be defeated is no easy thing to accept, least of all for one who is denday. To be defeated by a woman would cut most deeply, and despite his strength Tammad is no more than a man. Perhaps his pride and sense of honor have been wounded.”
“Such a possibility had not occurred to me,” Dallan admitted with a frown, considering the suggestion. “Should your thought be truth, what are we to do?”
“There is naught to do,” I answered before Cinnan could speak, feeling even worse than I had. “His love for me has turned to hatred, clearly shown in his intention to unband me. How great a fool I was, to thoughtlessly cause such a thing.”
I looked down in misery at the band I was stroking, nearly sick to my stomach because of the stupid thing I’d done, but Dallan made a sound of annoyance.
“You must cease this wallowing in accusation and self-pity, wenda,” he said, bringing my startled attention to a pair of equally annoyed eyes. “No matter the pleasure you derive from it, you must recall that your challenge to Tammad was accepted—and accepted with amusement. All of us have known defeat at one time or another, yet were we scarcely to be found sulking about at the audacity of the one who defeated us. One does not dare to find victory over another, one merely finds it; victory itself is the justification for challenge.”
“And a man must truly be a fool to believe he will find victory in a battle in which another’s skill far exceeds his own,” Cinnan put in, looking almost as annoyed as Dallan. “The drin Dallan and I have both experienced your power, and in no manner would we consider accepting a challenge with the weapon of the mind. I, at least, had not at first seen the matter in such a light, yet is it all too obvious when thought upon. Despite Tammad’s newly discovered abilities, he should not have thought himself able to best you.”
“Clearly has memory of the battle you fought in the resting place of the Sword escaped him,” Dallan said with a nod of agreement. “The strength required to best a man in such a way must truly be great, yet did he assume that His own strength was greater. Above all things ; l’lenda must be confident, yet not to the extent of foolishness.”
“But it was not my place to humiliate him,” I protested, beginning to feel very confused. “His skill with a sword is far greater than mine, yet he made no effort to humiliate me by giving challenge in such a way. It was thoughtless and inconsiderate of me to do what he would not.”
“Did you at any time deny recognition, of his skill?” Dallan asked, still not very happy with me. “In the absence of denial, he had no cause to give you challenge. Your skill, however, was indeed denied, therefore was challenge the sole avenue left open to you. To prove one’s skit is not the same as giving deliberate humiliation.”