“More does it seem a matter of misinterpretation,” said the first voice, his mind immediately diving into the question. “The woman feels what others do, yet does she see those feelings in light of her own. Her difference touches her profoundly, and many of her actions seem to arise from that. Tell me: would you have ridden from her as you did had you not touched her thoughts?”
“No,” the second voice admitted, a glum depression having taken the place of insult. “This new power twists me about, and although I attempt to keep myself from its use, the thing is more readily decided upon than done. More easily is it able to unman me than a life threat, and I know not how it may be conquered.”
“Allowing it its way with you will not give you victory over it,” the first voice said, refusing to show even a hint of compassion. “You must learn again to look upon all things as once you did, and harden your heart to necessity as she is unable to do. The woman requires the strength you deem inadequate, finding it more than sufficient for her purposes. Will you refuse her your aid?”
“For what reason must love make fools of otherwise able men?” the second voice asked, beginning to sound disgusted with itself. “Of what use is it, when it blinds a man to what occurs about him? I had thought to aid the woman by departing from her, and instead nearly drove her to self-destruction. I must apply myself to the lessons she teaches, so that I will not falter a second time. I will have the strength she demands, else shall I fall to never rise again.”
“Apparently love also causes a man to speak strangely,” the first voice observed, clearly amused. “You believe it likely that another failure to withstand her power will cause you to fall and never again to rise?”
“Had you felt what I did, brother, you would not find the need to ask,” the second voice said with a rueful chuckle, now aware of how melodramatic it had just sounded. “Never before has her power seemed so overwhelming, so undeniable. It will take a good deal to resist it, yet do I mean to do no other thing.”
“A more modest aim, yet surely more fitting to one who is l’lenda,” the first voice said, and then it paused before adding, “The denday Tammad seems now to have returned to himself, do you not agree, wenda?”
I had been lying there with my eyes closed and completely unmoving, but Dallan had had no trouble realizing that I was fully awake. The lack of surprise in Cinnan’s mind showed he’d known the same, which left only the barbarian. He alone started then began to move to me, but even the loving encouragement in his mind didn’t supply me with the nerve to open my eyes and look at them.
“Indeed,” I agreed in a heavy voice, wishing I were still lying on stiff, wet grass instead of furs which gave such comfort. “Indeed has the denday Tammad returned to himself.”
“And you have done the same, hama,” the barbarian said, putting one hand to my face. “For what reason do you not sit up and open your arms to me?”
“For the reason that I’m too disgusted with myself,” I answered in Centran, turning my face to the left to escape the touch of his hand. “I’ve really managed to ruin your life completely, haven’t I?”
“In what manner do you believe you have brought ruin to my life?” he asked, still sticking with Rimilian, the calm in him faintly tinged with upset but not uncertainty. “To find and band the woman he has ever sought may scarcely be considered a man’s ruin.”
“But the powers of an empath can be,” I countered, turning completely onto my left side. “If I hadn’t let you band me you never would have found out about your own powers, and would not now have to fight your way back to normalcy. You said you were going to unband me. Do it.”
“Wenda, I cannot unband you,” he answered, a gentle strength in the hand that followed to touch my arm. “Only the belief that you no longer cared for me allowed me to consider such a thing to begin with, and that consideration brought greater pain than I knew was possible. As I cannot leave you, will you instead attempt to leave me?”
The question was entirely neutral, the calm in his mind telling me nothing, the panic in my own mind saying it all. I tried to talk myself into it, tried to convince myself that it was for his own good, but all my life I’d been encouraged to be selfish, and I couldn’t seem to break the habit. Instead of answering immediately I sat up and looked at him, then shook my head.
“I can’t,” I said, finding it impossible to keep from putting my fingertips to his face. “If I had any honor at all I would change the love you feel to complete indifference, then watch while you sold me to someone else and rode away. That’s what I ought to do—but I can’t.”
“Most certainly you cannot,” he agreed with a laugh, lifting me off the fur and into his lap. “It would not be possible for you to change my love to another thing, and even should it be possible, you have not my permission to do so. Such a doing would not be honor but dishonor.”
“Are you again concerned with honor, wenda?” Dallan asked from where he sat to the left of the furs, close to the tent flaps. A single candle burned in the camtah, and Cinnan crouched farther to the right, beyond Tammad. The drin of Gerleth was staring at me in disapproval.
“For what reason should I not be concerned with honor?” I asked, switching back to Rimilian. “I know well enough how little of it there is in remaining with one who would do far better with none of my sort to plague him, and yet do I nevertheless remain. Would you do the same, or would you have the courage to go?”
“I would certainly do what was best, Terril,” he said, suddenly watching his words very carefully. “For you, best would be to remain with your memabrak, obedient to his will.”
“And yet, such a best is scarcely honorable,” I pursued, putting my arms as far around the barbarian as possible and laying my head on his chest, all the while continuing to hold Dallan’s gaze. “I have discovered that the one I care most for in all the worlds there are would fare far better if I were not beside him. Also do I know that the power is mine to free him from his love for me. Should I use that power it will be his will to ride from me and never look back, and yet should I do so, life will no longer have meaning for me. Which will am I to obey, Dallan? Which would you obey?”
“It matters not which he would obey,” came the words from the chest I lay on, so close to being a growl that the anger in the mind above was an unnecessary addition. Dallan had developed a frustrated look and hadn’t known what to say, but Tammad took care of that for him. “The drin Dallan has not been commanded to a certain obedience, the while the wenda Terril has indeed been so commanded. The choice has not been given you, wenda, only the command. Will you obey, or will you be punished?”
Only then did I realize that his arms were around me as I held to him, circling me a good deal more firmly than I was able to accomplish. I could then also feel his eyes on me, and the way his mind had hardened. I knew I was still somewhat confused, but I should have been able to follow what was happening a lot more closely than I was.
“I cannot understand your meaning,” I said, lifting my head to look up into his eyes. “After what has occurred, you cannot be speaking of punishment again. Have I not proven myself able to halt you? Have I not earned respect in the manner you demanded?”
“Indeed you have, wenda,” he agreed, lifting one hand to smooth my hair. “The respect that was earned is yours, freely given as was not earlier done. You have proven yourself fully able to halt me, yet do you no longer have my permission to use the power of your mind against me. Will you touch me so without my permission?”
He looked at me with nothing but calm, but I could feel what was waiting behind that calm, something I had never quite been able to stand up to. He knew I had the ability to stop any punishment even before it began, but he had calmly decided not to let me use that ability. It was outrageous, but he was forcing me to obey him again!