Her mind went so startled that she couldn’t think of a thing to say, and then she lost the opportunity. The sound of seetarr hooves came, announcing the return of Tammad and Cinnan, and then Dallan was there by the fire with us, waiting to greet the newcomers. It wasn’t the time to pursue my request—or answer it—and we both knew it, so all we did was wait until the two men had unsaddled their mounts and come to join us. ,
“Never before have I seen so cold and unfriendly a place,” Cinnan grumbled in disgust, then realized he might have made a mistake saying something like that in front of an unknown guest. He looked at Leelan and said, “It was not my intention to give offense to one who dwells here, wenda. Please accept my apologies.”
“As offense was not taken, apologies are unnecessary,” the woman answered, a faint smile on her pretty face as she rose to her feet. “I, too, merely pass through this place on my way elsewhere, and I, too, have found it to be less than hospitable. ”
“And yet was it nearly the place she merged with the soil,” Dallan put in, and then told the rest of the story. The barbarian was immediately furious, of course, looking at me with his mind as well as his eyes to make sure I was all right, and I finally got some glimmering of why, a long time ago, a man of that world had not raised his sword against two others he’d been traveling with when they decided to keep me rather than return me to the one who had banded me. “I shall not kill you,” he had said to them as he mounted up to ride away. “That doing is the right of he to whom she belongs.”
Tammad stood listening to Dallan’s story with fury blazing in his mind, his outrage so strong that it nearly knocked me over in spite of the curtain protecting my mind. Part of his fury was, strangely enough, aimed at Dallan, but only in an impersonal, general sort of way. He knew Dallan had really had no choice about killing that man, so he wasn’t blaming him; what he was doing was cursing the fact that there had been no choice. He wanted to have that man in front of his own sword, to he able to face him and defeat him personally, and the fact that he couldn’t was so frustrating to him that his output made me tremble. It was almost as bad for me as his projections had been before we found out he was fully operational in empathy, and I was almost to the point of needing to shield when Dallan finished his story and introduced Leelan. Both Tammad and Cinnan had reacted very oddly when they’d first looked at her, their minds trying to slip out of a hum into a growl, but after the story and introduction the barbarian regarded her with something very much like respect.
“You have more than my thanks, wenda,” he said, his expression and voice more sober than usual. “I now stand in your debt, and shall till I am able to do for you as you have done for me. Should you ever be in need of any sort, you have only to call upon me.”
“There are many-kinds of need, l’lenda,” she answered, grinning faintly as she looked him over. “One day I may indeed call upon you-should that not be too far from the circumstances you have envisioned.”
“To circumscribe one’s gratitude is to belittle the act which produced that gratitude,” he said, aware of the way she was looking at him—and not minding a bit. “Should there ever be a need—of whatever sort-you have only to call upon me.”
They were looking each other over with a good deal of approval, something I should have expected, since Tammad’s tastes were a lot like Dallan’s, neither one of them doing anything that wasn’t done by any other Rimilians. Cinnan—and even Dallan-looked on with mild interest and polite attention, but suddenly I didn’t like that free, strong, unbanded w’wenda much anymore. As a matter of fact I didn’t like any of them anymore, especially a certain any. Without saying a word I got to my feet, left the fire, and went straight into a camtah.
The tent was pitch dark and without sleeping furs, but I couldn’t have cared less. I crawled away from the entrance flaps and found the side wall to the right, then just sat down next to it. I hated that world and everyone on it almost as much as I hated myself, but I refused to cry about it, not any of it. I’d had to half kill myself and him in order to get even the suggestion of respect, but he’d given it to her almost as soon as he’d seen her. Respect and gratitude and more interest than I could stand to think about. L’lenda wenda he used to call me, but it was clear to everyone involved that she really was.
I had shielded completely and was sitting with my eyes closed, so it was given to my ears to tell me when I finally had company. I had been left alone for quite some time, which had made me feel even more miserable, but the entrance of someone else didn’t lighten the load. There wasn’t one of them I wanted to see or talk to, and for the hundredth time I wished I had a tent of my own. Whoever it was had a candle, and after the usual pause to settle it I heard the sound of someone sitting down.
“Your food has been put aside for you, hama,” I was told, his voice even and calm. “It is no longer as good as it was when hot, yet does it retain some measure of taste.”
“Thanks for the effort, but I’m not particularly hungry,” I told him, hating the fact that he was punishing me again. I had walked away without saying a word to anybody, deliberate rudeness in view of the presence of a guest, so if I wanted to eat, what I’d get would be cold leftovers.
“You will eat whether there is hunger within you or not,” he said, that damnable calm still completely in control of him. “The upset you were given earlier is not likely to have encouraged your appetite, yet must you eat if you wish to continue in good health.”
I didn’t say anything to that, and for the obvious reason. Good health hadn’t been what I’d been thinking about ever since I’d entered that tent, and I didn’t find much interest in it then.
“Also must we return to our own camtah,” he continued, ignoring my silence. “It is extremely rude to keep others from their rest.”
“So my presence here is rudeness,” I said, glad I had kept my eyes closed and my left shoulder near the tent wall. “And here I thought I was being exquisitely polite, getting out of the way and out from under foot. I hadn’t expected it to be Cinnan’s turn quite so soon, not with all that gratitude you feel toward her. Why didn’t you simply switch camtahh, and save her the trouble of having to move around?”
“You-speak of the woman Leelan?” he asked, suddenly sounding confused. “She and Dallan have gone to his camtah. In what manner would she affect Cinnan and myself?”
“If you’re trying to say you scarcely noticed her, don’t waste the breath,” I said, letting my head touch the tent wall the same way my shoulder was doing. It wasn’t fair for her to be so much better than me—or that he would notice. And if he’d had to notice, why had he had to do it so-openly?
“You believe I wished to take use from the woman of Vediaster?” he asked, his voice sounding odd. “You came to this camtah so that °I might do so without hindrance?”
“Isn’t that what a good, obedient Rimilian woman is supposed to do?” I said, silently cursing the burning in my throat. “Step quietly out of the picture so that her lord and master will be free to express his-gratitude?”
“Wenda, it was in thanks for your safety that I felt such gratitude,” he said, for some reason sounding more pleased than annoyed. “The woman kept you from harm, and for that I owe more than I shall ever be able to repay.”
“Don’t you worry about that, she’ll help you make a damned good stab at it,” I answered, then couldn’t help adding, “I wish she’d minded her own damned business!”
“Terril . . . I cannot reach your thoughts, yet am I suddenly possessed of a strange conviction,” he said, the words slow and measured. “I had never thought to see such a thing in you, yet do I belive that you are filled with jealousy.”