“But you’re not being fair,” I tried, still feeling horribly-abandoned. “What if I can never be strong enough’? Or what if I decide to use my abilities to get out of having to obey you?”
“You must have the necessary strength, therefore shall we seek together to find it,” he answered, as blind and unsatisfying an answer as I’d ever heard. “And as for obeying me-do you mean to attempt disobeying me, wenda?”
The look in his eyes had hardened with the question, the sort of hardness I’d probably never be able to stand up to even if I lived to be a million years old—and got stronger every year I lived. With my shield still closed I knew he wasn’t projecting at me, which meant there had to be another reason why I squirmed uncomfortably and felt the urge to drop my eyes. I wasn’t afraid of him-exactly—but I also wasn’t quite up to disobeying.
“Stop trying to bully me,” I grumbled, but I’m afraid it came out more a request than an order. “I’m so confused right now that even this tent could intimidate me, so you’re wasting good bullying.”
“Should I have my way, wenda, it will be this camtah especially which intimidates you,” he said, surprisingly looking even more stern than he had. “Your behavior has been reprehensible of late, and I will have no more of it.”
“Behavior?” I echoed, having no idea what he was talking about. “What behavior, and what has it got to do with this tent?”
“You know well enough the behavior I refer to,” he answered stiffly, still mostly thunderous. “For a woman to look with interest upon a man who is not her memabrak is shameful, most especially when he is a man whose bands are on another. You will not again approach Cinnan’s camtah, nor will you look upon him again in such a—a-mindless-manner. You will look only upon me so, else shall I switch you°.”
His voice had by then become nearly a growl, and his brows had lowered so far that they were downright menacing. I was so delighted I let my shield dissolve, and through the curtain I could feel the heavy, ominous green tingeing his thoughts. He really was jealous, but not of Cinnan. He wanted my interest to be his alone, because that interest meant more to him than. he could put into words. I loved him very much right then—but then I remembered a couple of somethings.
“I don’t understand how you expect me to look at you like that,” I said with full innocence, staring up into two dim, dangerous pools of’ blue. “It’s been so long since it was you making love to me, that I think I’ve forgotten what it’s like. If you keep giving a girl away, you can’t blame her for forgetting. ”
“Such forgetting is not possible, wenda,” he growled, really very unhappy with me. “Either a woman prefers one man above all others, or she does not. To know this when she is untouched by others, is not the same as to know it amid much other use. A man who does not fear to share his woman is one who knows well the quality of her love; to refuse to share her is to say he mistrusts her love for him.”
“Well, the least you could do is remind me what you’re like every once in a while,” I answered in annoyance, hating the way he always made things sound so logical-when it was something he wanted to do. “Like now, for instance.”
“No, wenda, I may not use you now,” he denied, his mind under such strong control that it was almost like a physical drawing away. “This would not be the proper time.”
“And why not?” I snapped, suddenly remembering another something else that filled me with the sort of anger that would sear anything it touched. “Can it be you have another date, one that can’t be shoved aside for a while the way I can be? Are you silly enough to believe I don’t know what you felt when you looked at her? Do you think I’ll just step aside and let her lead you off by the nose? Well, do you?”
By that time I was just short of shouting, and not really noticing what must have been a fairly strong projection. Tammad’s mind had winced with the desperate urge to back away, but you can’t back away from someone sitting on your lap. He opted for leaning back instead, trying for distance to give him a chance to fight off my mind, and ended up thunking down flat on the tent floor with me following, leaning on his chest. He looked up at me with an echo of the thunk in his expression, one hand to the back of his head, and if it had been possible for someone with his personality to be really wide-eyed, he would have been wide-eyed.
“Wenda, the woman of Vediaster was not even in my thoughts,” he said, looking confused. “I did no more than recall the bruise upon you, and had no desire to add to your pain. ”
“Oh,” I answered with great intelligence, tempted to feel like an idiot, but that particular subject was too important to me. “Well, you better make sure you keep it that way. I don’t want her anywhere around you, not even in your thoughts. Do you understand me, memabrak?”
“Hama, this jealousy you show is totally uncalled for,” he said with the same sort of innocence I’d used, his grin pure satisfaction. “I have had wendaa without number since I became a man, and have thereby learned that only one holds true interest for me. What others I have now only serve to point up the truth of the matter.”
“If I were you, hamak, I would find a safely banded woman to do any future pointing up with,” I said, moving higher on his chest to look directly down into his eyes. “If you don’t, the woman you find so much interest in might become somewhat annoyed.”
“Wendaa are well known for becoming annoyed,” he said, the blandness in his voice and expression doing nothing to keep his hands from spreading out on my bare back. “I have given my word in gratitude; what if I am called upon to redeem that word?”
“Why, then you’ll just have to honor your word,” I answered, still looking unblinkingly down at him. “While you’re honoring it, though, you’d better keep firmly in mind the fact that I’m no longer forbidden to use my abilities. Other people are one thing, but you are definitely in a class by yourself. If I find you letting that-that female-get her claws into you, I’m going to see how hard it is to make squished l’lenda”
“L’lenda wenda,” he laughed softly, bringing his hands up to my head, feeling not the least intimidated or insulted. Loved and really wanted was what he was feeling, and it came to me then how deeply he had been hurt by all the times I’d insisted I neither loved him nor wanted him. His emotions were always so well covered that I’d never been able to reach that particular set before, but right then his mind was wide open to me. We both needed a time of stern jealousy and deep possessiveness before going back to normal interaction with other people, and that was the time we would be best off taking it before getting it out of our systems. I leaned down and brushed his lips with mine, gently and tenderly, and then had no further patience for gentle and tender. I threw my arms around his neck and kissed him with every ounce of strength I had, reaching at the same time for his mind. When he said no he usually meant it, but that time I was the one who refused to argue. I wanted him and I wanted him right then, and for once I got exactly what I wanted.
It took quite a while before it was over, and thanks to pain control I felt nothing but pleasure. When we were finally ready to leave the tent, the barbarian pushed the flaps aside to find our sleeping furs piled up just outside. We’d both forgotten about poor Cinnan, who had apparently gotten tired of waiting for us to get out of his tent. The furs had been put there to tell us we were trading tents for the night whether we liked it or not, and instead of feeling guilty we just laughed and went back inside.