His blue eyes were no longer wide, and suddenly I became very much aware of the mind behind those eyes—which almost caused me to gasp. As quiet and calm as Hestin was on the outside, that’s how hard and unbending he was within him, a man whose mind absolutely refused to take no for an answer. When it came to tending the sick or hurt, he obviously considered himself the only one capable of doing it right, and that was a burden he enjoyed carrying. His easygoing outer manner seemed to be a buffer between his rigid and uncompromising inner self and the people he had to tend, something that let him do what he had to without adding to the bruises his patient might have. His mental set was pure Rimilian male, even more intense than Tammad’s, and I hated to think what I’d have to do to stop him or change his mind.
“You were not raised in Vediaster,” I said, knowing it for a fact. His mind was unaffected by mine, but unfortunately the reverse wasn’t working out as well.
“No, I was not raised in Vediaster,” he agreed, the quiet of his voice an odd contrast to what I was getting from his thoughts. “My first home was far from here, yet a healer goes where he must, where he feels himself needed. This city is now my home, and those within it my responsibility. Lie still, treda.”
His big hands went to the fur covering me to toss it aside, and no matter how strong the power I was the possessor of, there was nothing I could do to stop him. No matter how much I hated the idea I’d been taught to obey l’lendaa on that world, and Leelan had been absolutely right: l’lenda and w’wenda came from within, independent of the presence or absence of sword skill.
“Do not squirm about so,” Hestin said absently, his hands and attention on my right side. “To be seen unclothed by others is an inadequate cause for shame, treda, most especially for one such as you. Your body must surely give your memabrak a great deal of pleasure. Turn now to your belly.”
I turned over as directed, but mainly to hide the hot flush I could feel in my cheeks. His words had brought the hum in Dallan’s mind to my attention, which in turn pointed up the distracted but very definite hum that was Hestin’s. To take my mind off that I tried to follow what was occupying the healer so completely, and ran smack into something I’d never seen before.
The pain control that I was capable of worked exclusively on the mind where, after all, pain is recognized and therefore felt. Hestin, on the other hand, concentrated only on the body, the place where the actual damage was, and did nothing in the way of easing pain or accomplishing healing. What he seemed to be doing was gauging the actual hurt, seeing how deep it went, and checking on whether or not natural healing had already begun. He didn’t have to guess about what was wrong with somebody, somehow he knew beyond all doubt, but how it worked was something I had no idea of. He had a physical sensing ability rather than a mental one, and I wondered if all healers on that world had the same.
“Remain as you are, treda, for you must now be salved,” Hestin said, apparently finished with the examination. It hadn’t taken him long, that was for sure, but getting the salve put on wasn’t nearly as easy and painless. By the time he got around to the front of me I had other things to think about besides who might be watching, and it took the actual sight of Leelan’s drawn face to remember I hadn’t closed my shield again. She didn’t seem to understand that she was picking up my pain on her own rather than catching an accidental leakage, and I knew I’d have to talk to her about that once I’d had some rest. In the interim I let the shield form again, and tried to ignore the sweat on my forehead.
“And now, treda, we must speak, you and I,” Hestin said after another minute, putting the salve aside and replacing the cover he’d thrown off me. “You have a great power, greater than any I have ever sensed, yet are you no more capable of true healing with your power than I am with mine. Should you continue on as you have been doing, you may well fail to survive.”
Getting the salve put on was the painful part, but once it was on it took care of the pain as well as accelerated healing. By that time I was able to look at him again, where he crouched to the right of my bed.
“I am scarcely so badly hurt that I need fear for my life,” I said, glad I couldn’t touch his mind any longer. “The mistreatment I was given was painful, yet not permanently damaging.”
“A small hurt, improperly cared for, may easily become a large one,” he said, and now he was looking more stern than patient. “You have thrown off a good deal of the pain from your awareness, yet the cause of that pain remains unchanged, the hurt remains unhealed. You move about with no more than small difficulty because you have put the pain from you, not because you have begun to regain your health. Should you continue pushing yourself so, the wounds will worsen rather than heal.”
“I have not the time it would take to regain my full health,” I told the hardened blue eyes staring down at me, understanding exactly what he was saying but not giving a damn. “The longer I spend awaiting my own health, the less of it will be left to one who lies elsewhere. Sooner than lose him I will spend my own life, happily and without concern. Should I succeed in freeing him and myself surviving, there will then be ample time for rest.”
“You are completely determined,” he said, more observation than criticism, and then those blue eyes turned gentle again. “There are indeed certain things worth far more than life, and a man must be a fool not to acknowledge this. I, hopefully not a fool, shall not attempt to shake your determination, yet are there other matters I shall not be denied in. For the time you remain under my care you will obey me completely, and then, perhaps, there will be one who survives to rest.”
He finally straightened out of his crouch then, trailed by the stares of Dallan and Leelan as he walked to the food tray I’d abandoned; although Dallan didn’t seem very happy, I couldn’t tell whether Leelan was upset or amused.
“She means to return to the palace during the next darkness, Hestin,” the big woman from Vediaster said as she watched the healer coming back toward me with a bowl. “Do you agree with that decision as well?”
“We shall see,” he answered, stirring around whatever was in the bowl before helping me sit and beginning to feed me with the scoop. “Likely I shall not permit it, but we shall see.”
My mouth was too full of the finely chopped fish stew to put my own comments into the running, but that didn’t really bother me. When it was time to go I would go, no matter anyone else’s opinions to the contrary.
Hestin fed me most of the fish stew, insisted I take a little more of the bread, then brought over a cup of the same yellow pudding I hadn’t been able to eat that afternoon. I really had no desire for the pudding but I got half of it shoveled into me anyway, in the process discovering I’d been right about its being almost pure sugar. About then I also discovered I couldn’t sit up any longer, and I must have been out even before Hestin eased me flat.
I felt as though I’d been sleeping for some time before the soft voice pulled me out of it, and it didn’t pull me out all the way. It was almost like being awake and asleep at the same time, and that was just what the voice was saying.
“You will awaken no more than is necessary to speak with me, treda,” it said, totally undemanding yet totally undeniable. “Do you understand what I say?”
“I understand,” I agreed at once, turning toward the voice without opening my eyes. There was a big, hard male body accompanying the voice just as I knew there would be, and I immediately began snuggling up to it.
“I am not the one you believe me to be, treda,” the voice said as a hand stroked my hair, faint amusement coloring its tone. “I have come for no more than the answers I seek. Tell me of the one brought to your thoughts by the sight of the healer.”