“Terril, there is a thing you must know before we depart for the palace on the morrow,” she said, the sobriety in her bringing a chill to my insides against what she might be telling me. “I would not have you taken by surprise and therefore jeopardize the plan. The time of our arrival at the palace is, as you know, to a purpose, yet are we sure to find another sight awaiting us at the same time. I have been told of this by loyal members of the guard, who speak of it as a thing which has been done upon each day already past.”
Some of the ice melted at that, formed by the fear that she was about to tell me Tammad was dead, but people don’t die more than once-physically, at any rate. Her news still couldn’t be very pleasant, though, and when she saw my expression she hurried on with it.
“According to our plan, we shall arrive at the palace just as the first lull in the broadcasting of the Hand of Power begins,” she said. “As we discussed, the lulls are used by Farian as a time when her own power may be exercised, without the need for denying the output of the Hand. We mean to locate the quarters of Roodar during the lull, wait in hiding till the Hand resumes, smash the Hand, then confront Roodar and free your memabrak before going to search out Farian. When the newly resumed broadcasting of the Hand abruptly ceases, those who have gathered outside the palace will attack, distracting the palace guard from us the while we seek the Chama.”
“Leelan, I am aware of the plan,” I couldn’t help saying, unfortunately not very nicely. “Tell me quickly: has Tammad been given great harm?”
“No, no, not the sort of which you speak,” she said at once, putting one hand out toward me in a gesture of reassurance. “Physically he has been rather well cared for, aside from an occasional light whipping. His spirit, however, must be greatly tormented, for Roodar uses the lull each day to return him fully to himself. He is well chained at those times so that he might be humiliated as Roodar wishes, and I am told he rages and shouts in great fury. When the output resumes, the potion is again forced upon him and he is unchained.”
“To become again the slave of Roodar,” I said, only faintly aware of the way Leelan flinched at my tone, but then I had a distracting thought. “How is it possible for her to do with him as she pleases during the lull?” I demanded. “He, too, is a possessor of power, and should surely find it possible to overwhelm her at such a time.”
“I know not,” Leelan said with a shrug, the wary look just beginning to fade from her eyes. “We will surely learn the truth of it when we have released him. You now understand what must be done, Terril, do you not? We must witness his humiliation in silence and with patience, for the Hand must be smashed before any know what we are about. You are able to see that?”
Oh, sure, I thought as she watched me anxiously, so that if anything happens to me when we come up against Roodar, the Hand will already have been taken care of. Then Relgon can tackle Farian, with a better-than-even chance of winning. Farian was supposed to have a good deal of personal power, but without the Hand it would strictly be one on one. Briefly the rain beat harder at the window, a thin echo of the raging of my thoughts against my hastily closed shield, a perfect reflection of helpless frustration. I didn’t want to do what Leelan was nearly begging for, but I had no choice at all. I slumped down against the cushions instead of leaning on them, and rubbed at my eyes.
“Were I to jeopardize the lives of others and the plan itself merely to keep humiliation from my sadendrak, he would likely find it difficult to forgive me,” I said, hating even the words I was being forced to speak. “He is a l’lenda and a man of honor, and would surely be shamed if his welfare were to be put before others in equal need. Once he is free I shall likely speak harsh words to him concerning the matter of honor, as I personally find it to be an abomination.”
“For those who consider it above all other things, it oft times is exactly that,” she agreed with a great deal of gentleness, putting one hand on my arm. “And yet is it also a manner of doing which allows one to hold her head high, knowing she stands in the glow of that which is right, rather than in the dimness of convenience or the dark of self-interest. Were honor easily attained or effortlessly maintained, there would be little credit given for the exercising of it-credit given by those who know the true weight of it. We are each of us honored for the honor we show, Terril, a return of sorts which may help to make the burden lighter. Do you wish to rise now to join us for a meal? Hestin has said that you may do so.”
A short while earlier that particular piece of news would have perked me right up, but I couldn’t perk now from the level I’d fallen to. I got into my clothes and sandals and followed Leelan out of the room, then spent the rest of the evening pretending I was fit company to associate with. And waiting for the new day to arrive.
12
I was already up and standing at the window when Hestin entered my room, but I wasn’t dressed. I had the cover fur wrapped around me against the early morning chill, and was staring out at the beginnings of the day I’d been waiting for. My window opened on what seemed a small back garden for sitting and taking it easy, a stone wall raised all around it to insure the privacy of the sitter. The flowers and greenery were still drooping from heavy watering, the ground underneath was still mostly mud, and even the stone of the wall was a deeper red than it should have been. Hestin hesitated when he realized, in whatever way he did it, that my mind was completely unshielded, and then he came up slowly behind me.
“You are awake early, treda,” he said, his voice soft and even and calm, his mind not quite the same. “Did the potion I gave you enable you to sleep?”
“It enabled me to fall asleep,” I answered, still looking out at the slowly lightening and brightening day. “I have been waiting too long for this time for the potion to be able to keep me asleep. Have the others already arrived?”
“Not as yet,” he said, putting a hand on my arm through the fur. “The first meal is nearly prepared, and I wish to see you eat more of it than was swallowed by you the last darkness. This day your strength must not fail.”
“I have never before found myself a participant in battle,” I said with a sigh, finally turning around to look up at him. “To be successful in battle the participants must have more than mere strength, they must also have courage to see them through. My determination to see Tammad free is unflagging yet I have not previously found as mine an overabundance of courage. Is determination a suitable substitute for courage?”
“Should it not be, you may use your more than adequate supply of stubbornness,” he said with a smile, then put his arms around me and held me to him. “Do not fear that you will fail, treda. For your sake and ours, your memabrak will be freed.”
“For your sake as well as my own?” I asked, confused but grateful for the arms that gave only comfort and support. “I do not take your meaning, Hestin.”
“My meaning is not difficult, treda,” he said, and I could feel the amusement he looked down at me with. “Should the l’lenda Dallan and I need to see to you much longer, it is we who may well find the strength lacking. You require the presence of the man who has banded you, to hold you in the place he wishes you—and to punish your excursions out of it. I am a healer and have little time to give treda strappings—and even less time to be tempted by the thought of it.”
I leaned away from his chest to look up into his face, but didn’t need to see his grin to feel it. I was letting him see that he had managed to annoy me enough to unsettle the doubt I’d been locked in, not enough to chase it away but enough to loosen its hold around my throat. I’d told Dallan and Hestin the night before that I would not let them beat me, and Hestin was using that to get through to me by saying the decision wasn’t mine no matter what abilities I had. I might have been tempted to argue the point, but I needed all the reassurance I could get—which might not be gotten from an argument about strappings with a Rimilian male.