I opened my mouth to continue the argument, especially to demand why I had to obey him, but changed my mind and turned away without saying the words. Arguing with a barbarian is a waste of time, not to mention breath and effort. Getting to Rimilia wouldn’t change a thing, especially when my government found out what he was trying to do. Truths would be proven on Rimilia, all right, but not the truths he was expecting. A minute later the steward showed up with our food, giving us something else to concern ourselves with, but not something to divert our thoughts. Through the silence of eating the twisting of Garth’s uncertainties was very clear, especially as he had no food to partially divert him. He drank fresh kimla and worried at his problems, never noticing that Tammad wasn’t enjoying his meal any more than I was. The barbarian was too distracted to do more than make sure I ate as he wanted me to, but I no longer cared what he forced me to do. He would only have to be tolerated until we reached Rimilia, and then I would be free to go about my business again—without the stupid ideas I’d somehow managed to pick up. A Prime has no business thinking about spending her life with a barbarian, no matter how romantically attractive the notion appears to be. I’d made a mistake, but it was not a mistake I’d be making again.
6
Two more ship days went by before we reached Rimilia, but they weren’t pleasant ones—at least not for me. When I tried to continue working on Garth, the barbarian got so annoyed he banished me to my cabin. He wanted to work on Garth himself, and didn’t enjoy having me there to counter his nonsense. He and Garth spent hours at a time sitting and talking, sometimes one of them engaging in a monologue, sometimes the other doing it. I had no real idea what they were talking about, but the longer it went on, the straighter Garth stood, the more he squared his shoulders, the higher he held his head. Not all of it could have been heap-big-male propaganda, they had to have been discussing Tammad’s plans for him as well; whatever it was, it seemed to bolster and encourage him, filling him out the way a month’s worth of good meals will fill out a starving man’s body. Garth had obviously been starving for something, but it hadn’t been for food.
Being kept in a cabin had been boring in the extreme, but nothing I’d said or done had succeeded in getting the barbarian to change his mind. The three trippers had taken to dancing for their men friends any time the l’lendaa had wanted them to, and dance time was the sole exception made to my incarceration. I was told to watch carefully so that I might learn, an order that almost made me bare my teeth. I retaliated by closing my eyes tight when the girls danced, pretending I didn’t know what they were doing because I couldn’t see them. Tammad grew annoyed when he discovered what I was doing, but Garth’s amusement kept him from punishing me. Garth had regained his equilibrium but on a higher plane, so high that nothing I said seemed to disturb him. His new attitudes bothered me, equally as much as the way he began looking at me.
When landing time finally came around, the transport’s common area seemed to be filled with more long faces than happy ones. I, myself, was furious over the fact that the barbarian had refused to return my own clothes to me, insisting that I continue to wear the imad and caldin he had given me. He, on the other hand, was none too pleased himself after two sleep periods and a number of fun breaks when he failed to make me share my emotions while he used me. I’d had to use every ounce of control I possess, but I wasn’t a Prime for nothing. I’d kept him from entering my mind the way he entered my body, and his l’lendaa had taken to staying as far away from him as the cramped quarters permitted. He had stalked around the common area like a wild beast looking for a victim, keeping himself from snarling only through extreme effort of will. I’d half expected him to complain to me, but he hadn’t been that foolish.
Unlike me, the three trippers had been given their clothes back in preparation for letting them go. Two of them stood with five of the l’lendaa, talking quietly and shyly, their minds filled with sadness and regret, but firm in their decision to continue on their way. They were still somewhat awed by the big male warriors, and knew better than to believe that the fun would continue past the trip. L’lendaa may be good in bed and good for a woman’s ego, but living with them on a full-time basis is another matter entirely.
The third tripper stood off to one side of the group by herself, her head down, her mind filled with hopeless tears that never reached her eyes. She was the one Tammad had singled out twice, but Tammad hadn’t been the only one with his eye on her. The sixth l’lenda, a tall, husky blond named Hannas—but not the same Hannas I had once met-had taken an immediate liking to her, which apparently was mutual. Hannas and his cabin-mate Dirral bad shared her use, but it had been Hannas who she had spent each sleep-period with, falling asleep next to him and waking up in his arms. I had overheard Hannas telling Tammad about it, and that’s where Hannas was right then, talking to Tammad and stating certain facts. What those facts were I didn’t know, but Hannas was determined and Tammad was unsure. In spite of being unsure, Tammad nodded to Hannas, then clapped him on the back. The two of them were agreed on something, even if the agreement wasn’t totally wholehearted on Tammad’s part.
The men were wearing their swords again, and the steward had disappeared permanently.
“Well, it looks like we’re there,” Garth muttered in my ear as the engines faded from a noticeable throb to nothing. “Shouldn’t we be standing by the exit port, eagerly awaiting our first view of the promised land?”
“Maybe it’s promised to you,” I muttered back, “but as far as I’m concerned, it’s a broken promise. If you’re all that nervous, why did you come?”
“If there was nothing to be nervous about, I wouldn’t have come,” he countered, flickering an annoyed glance in my direction. “And from now on stay out of my mind. I don’t like being constantly poked and pried at.”
I stared at him for a second then looked away, more hurt than I would have admitted. Garth’s nervousness was obvious to anyone with eyes, empath or not. I hadn’t probed him because I hadn’t had to, but it would have been a waste of time saying so. Most people don’t think about being probed, but once one of them gets the idea in his head, he decides he’s under constant observation.
“Look, I didn’t mean that,” he apologized almost immediately. “I am nervous, and I’m sure everyone can see it. If poking around in my emotions does anything for you, feel free to indulge at any time.”
His tone of voice was trying for lighthearted, but the rest of him wasn’t making it. At another time he might have had my sympathy, but right then I had my own problems.
“I have better ways of wasting my time than bothering with emotional infants.” I shot back. “If you think I’d spend any time on you, you flatter yourself.”
“I can see I asked for that,” he sighed, surprising me by not being angry. Then he squeezed my arm gently. “Don’t worry, Terry. Things will work out well for both of us. Tammad won’t let it happen any other way.”
“You sound as though you think he’s a god or something,” I snorted, pulling my arm loose from his easy grip. “I hate to disillusion you, but he isn’t even a civilized, rational man. He’s nothing but a barbarian, and you’ll be sorry you ever involved yourself with him.”
“That’s possible,” he agreed, “but I’m betting it doesn’t happen that way. I’m betting everything goes the way it’s supposed to and everyone lives happily ever after.”
“I can’t afford to bet,” I whispered, watching as everyone began moving toward the corridor that led to the exit port. “I can’t afford to bet on fairy tales coming true because I can’t afford to lose. If you can, good luck to you.”