No more than fifteen minutes passed before two large figures moved out of the darkness toward me, one of them carrying something. It wasn’t difficult telling they were Loddar and Kennan, two l’lendaa I knew better than I cared to. Kennan had claimed Loddar’s oldest daughter, but that hadn’t stopped him from giving me a hard time when I’d been on the planet the last time. Loddar was hardly a very young man, but as Garth had observed, he was a considerable distance from being feeble. He was l’lenda, and being l’lenda meant being something special.
“How are your hands, wenda?” Loddar asked as he came up to me, Kerman by his side. “The salve should have already brought you considerable relief.”
“My relief would be greater were you to be so kind as to untie my wrists and ankles,” I answered, peering up at his shadow form. “Should the task not be beyond you, I would count it a great favor.”
Keeping the asperity out of my tone was impossible, equally as impossible as missing the flash of annoyance in Loddar and the flash of amusement in Kennan.
“Again her tongue has sharpened to match a sword’s edge,” Kerman chuckled, then gestured with the bowl he held. “Had I known this, it would not have been necessary to have her meal cut small. It would have been possible for her to eat it as it was.”
“Were she mine, the sharpness would be quickly dulled,” Loddar growled, even more annoyed that Kerman found the situation funny. “And what of Tammad? Should he return here and hear her speak so, will his humor be improved?”
“It is difficult to see how it might be darkened,” Kerman winced inwardly, probably matching the feeling with a grimace. “Should the off-worlders bring forth another gift, it will undoubtedly provoke war between their people and ours. How is it possible for a wenda to behave so?”
“I have heard all off-worlder wendaa are of the same sort,” Loddar sighed, stepping onto the verandah before sitting down. “To invite a man’s interest, to beg his touch, and then to find distraction when taken in his arms—it is little wonder off-worlders are darayse, with wendaa such as those.”
“It is fortunate that Terril, at least, is able to give Tammad satisfaction,” Kennan said, crouching down in front of me with the bowl he held. “She will require whatever strength she possesses this darkness, therefore would I see this krayea within her. I shall remove the leather from her so that she may....”
“No,” Loddar interrupted, from where be sat, less than a foot from me. “Even were her hands to already have healed, I would not allow her free of the leather before Tammad returns for her. Should we encourage her disrespect by allowing her her will, we ourselves would pay through an increase in Tammad’s fury.”
“Such an increase could mean no less than blood spilled,” Kennan muttered, reaching out to brush the disarranged hair from my face. “It is as Loddar says, Terril. You must obey completely and in silence, else shall we all pay dearly. You are not unfamiliar with the denday’s anger.”
“Would that I were unfamiliar with your denday,” I came back, tossing my head against what his hand had done. “Also, please accept the same thought for yourself.”
“A mannerly response,” be replied with a grin, the firelight touching half his face. “Now, should we achieve silence, you may even prove acceptable. Here.”
His words preceded his dipping his fingers into the bowl be held, coming up with a small chunk of meat, and thrusting it into my mouth. I was so outraged I didn’t know what to do, and for obvious reasons couldn’t say much.
“Ah, silence at last,” Loddar chuckled, finally pulled out of his bad mood by the furious sounds I was trying to make round the bite of krayea. “Should the squeakings also be seen to, I foresee great possibilities for the darkness.”
“You cannot treat me so!” I garbled around the mouthful, trying to get rid of it by chewing and swallowing. Kerman’s mind was alert and his body ready, showing he was prepared to return the bite to me if I should try spitting it out. It was bad enough having his fingers on it once; if he’d touched it again after it had been in my mouth to force it on me a second time, I probably would have thrown up.
“A pity Tammad allowed you to travel from him,” Loddar observed, staring at me. “To permit a wenda to forget the obedience due l’lendaa brings naught save difficulty—for both. We treat you in accordance with Tammad’s wishes, for it is he to whom you belong. Must you be taught this in another way, wenda?”
I returned his stare without saying anything, feeling the sort of calm in him I recognized easily. Most of Tammad’s l’lendaa had it, the feeling of calm unmuddied by frustration and denial; they denied themselves nothing, and frustration could always be seen to by a sword or switch, depending on who was trying to frustrate them. I hated that emotion, always finding it a blank wall to pound on, something without gaps I might touch it by. My wrists hurt and my legs were cramped, and I couldn’t have emulated that calm through anything less than a threat to my life.
“I hate you,” I told him as evenly as I could manage, including Kennan in the statement. “I hate each of you, but most do I hate him to whom I belong.”
“Ah, wenda, your unhappiness distresses me,” Loddar sighed, putting a gentle hand to my face. “I know not why this unhappiness should have come upon you, but you must trust Tammad to see to it. He will not long allow it to continue.”
Kerman put another piece of krayea in my mouth, ending the conversation, but that didn’t matter. Saying that Tammad himself was the cause of my unhappiness would not have done anything to change the situation.
Kennan continued feeding me until all of the krayea and vegetables were gone, then he bid Loddar good night and walked away into the darkness. Loddar continued to sit where he was, his mind distracted and far away, both of us waiting for the return of my owner. Thought of Tammad brought anger and bitterness again, but curiosity soon pushed the other emotions aside. What had Loddar and Kennan said about Tammad’s dissatisfaction with Gay King? That she had drawn his interest, begged to be taken—and then had lost interest herself? I couldn’t understand what would have made her act that way, not after being flooded with the frenziedness of her emotions—until I remembered what I had done.
I’d been the one to plant disinterest in her mind, and it had surfaced at just the right time.
I stirred against the upright and laughed softly, picturing what it must have been like for the barbarian. He’d gotten her wild and had made her serve him, forcing her to feel an intense need for him—but once he allowed himself to feel the same need, she suddenly became turned off, untouched by need and even by interest. I could imagine her yawning into his desire, her body cool and unresponsive, a flesh doll to be used by a male who had grown bored with doing it to himself. I laughed again at the height of frustration he must have felt, a frustration he couldn’t possibly have been used to.
And then I stopped laughing and stirred again, remembering how angry he had been—and how he’d suspected that what had happened had been through my doing. If I hadn’t been asleep when he’d come storming out of his pavilion the thought made me shiver, even if it was unfinished. He wouldn’t have been likely to see the humor in the situation, and he would have taken his frustration out on me.
But his frustration would still be taken out on me. Loddar and Kennan and the other l’lendaa couldn’t wait until Tammad got around to using me—after all, didn’t they all know how easily the barbarian got whatever he wanted from me? I sat straighter at the upright and raised my chin, knowing how wrong they were. Tammad hadn’t gotten what he’d wanted from me, not for some time, and I had no intentions of changing that. If that made life difficult for his l’lendaa, it was just too bad. I hadn’t sought them out, and I wasn’t holding them prisoner.