“There’s always a choice.” I shrugged, looking away from those beautiful blue eyes as I ignored the rest of what he’d said. “If you’re willing to pay the price for it, the choice is always yours.”
“And you have chosen to pay the price,” he said, and then his hand came to my face to turn it back to him. His expression was odd, as odd as the emotions trying to crowd past his control. “You will pay the price you have chosen; wenda, but the coin will not buy what you seek. Come darkness you will be switched again and afterward made to obey me. Should you obey me sooner the switching will be lighter, yet the punishment will not be avoided. I will be obeyed, wenda; in this you have no choice.”
He let go of my face and walked away with Gay, her fury somewhat mollified by the promise he’d made me. I walked away myself, back toward where the seetarr were tied, slipping in among the huge animals and immediately shielding my mind. The next minute Len and Garth appeared, just as I knew they would, their heads turning back and forth as they looked for me, Len undoubtedly also probing with his mind. They walked a short distance beyond where I crouched, stood looking around with frustration plain on their faces, then turned and went back in the direction from which they’d come. I stood straight and waited a brief time, cracked the shield carefully to make sure my pursuers were gone, then left the seetarr to find a tree to sit beneath. Some of the seetarr, Tammad’s saddle male in particular, snorted and sent questioning nudges with their minds, but all I did was reassure them automatically then drop them from consideration.
The grass was comfortable under the tree I chose, soft and thick like a fur carpet. I sat down facing away from the camp and leaned back against the tree trunk, wishing they would forget about me long enough to leave without me, knowing the wish was a waste of thought. Even if the barbarian had been willing to give up—and his mind said he wasn’t—Len and Garth would refuse to leave until I had been found. They’d fallen into an odd sort of protective mold, one that was an offshoot of the usual care and protection shown toward a Prime. They couldn’t—and didn’t want to—take me out of the situation I was in, so they’d decided to try talking me into accepting that situation. They were determined to talk me to death if necessary, and I couldn’t stand any more of it. They were happy in the places they’d found, but my place wasn’t the same.
I put my head back against the tree and closed my eyes, determined not to get all melodramatic and weepy but finding the actuality hard to come by. I refused to think about what would happen that night, but that didn’t mean I had nothing else to think about. I kept picturing a man happy over seeing a woman used by another man, a woman who was supposed to be his beloved. I’d been right in not believing what I’d been told, but I didn’t want to be right—as if that made any difference. Nothing I wanted mattered on that world, and that was the way it would stay.
“Here, wenda, this is for you,” a voice came, startling me. My eyes opened to see Loddar crouched beside me, a bowl in his hands, a deep calm in his eyes and mind. “You must eat this quickly, Terril, for it is nearly time to depart. As you will ride with me this day, I have sought you out.”
I didn’t stare at him for more than a moment, mainly due to the fact that his announcement wasn’t terribly surprising. I found I’d been half expecting it, which was also not very surprising. I leaned off the tree and began getting to my feet to go back to the camp, but Loddar’s free hand came to my shoulder to push me back down.
“I will first see the contents of this within you,” he said, gesturing with the bowl he held. “We will return to the camp when you have finished.”
“I do not wish the food,” I told him, making no effort to take the bowl. “I thank you for the thought, yet there was no need.”
“There is considerable need,” he answered, his eyes moving over me critically. “Tammad, like myself, has little liking for wendaa with no flesh to their bones. Should you feel the need to refuse once more, I will call the wendaa of the camp, who are familiar with the manner in which small, stubborn children are fed. Is this what you wish?”
I hesitated very briefly, knowing he was serious, then shook my head. Having the women feed me would be worse than doing it on my own, even if I did get sick. I took the bowl he held out, used the short-handled wooden scoop inside the bowl, and quickly swallowed down the smooth, sweet, thickened cereal grain he had brought. It didn’t make me sick the way I’d thought it would and it did fill something of the hollow inside me, but it wasn’t nearly as satisfying as it had been the first time I’d tasted it. When the bowl was empty I held it out toward Loddar, but he just shook his head.
“You may carry your own bowl back to camp,” he said, rising out of his crouch. “Once it is cleaned I will pack it away. Hurry now, for it is nearly time to depart.”
He strode off back toward the camp with me following, but there was very little camp to go back to. All of the tents had been folded and put on pack seetarr, and the last odds and ends were being put away. I washed the bowl and scoop I carried in a bucket of water just before the water was dumped out, then gave the still-damp things to Loddar to put away. After that the l’lenda disappeared for a minute, then came back leading his saddle seetar. It was the work of no more than another few minutes to get the beast saddled, and by then everyone seemed ready to be on their way. Looking around it was difficult believing more than fifty people had camped on the spot, but that was because the clearing had been left as clean as it had been when we’d gotten there. Civilized people know less about caring for the countryside around them, but civilized people are easier to get along with—and understand.
The sun seemed to be waiting for us to be on our way, and once we were it grew brighter and stronger, making the air curl around us in waves of heat. The higher the sun climbed, the warmer it got, soon covering Loddar’s body with a sheen of sweat. I rode with my arms wrapped around his waist, my imad soaking up the sweat his body continued to produce. Holding onto him like that hadn’t been my idea, but my wishes to the contrary hadn’t altered anything. I’d begun the ride with my fingers tucked in Loddar’s swordbelt, and then Tammad had come to ride beside us for a while, for no apparent reason other than to chat with Loddar. Gay King sat behind him on his seetar, her breasts pressed hard into his back, her arms as far around his waist as they would go, her cheek also against the skin of his back, her eyes closed in pleasure. I knew the pleasure she felt was real, but I couldn’t decide on the reason for it. It might have stemmed from the way she clung to the barbarian, but it might also have come from her greatly elevated position. Not only was she now riding behind the leader of the party, she also wore two shiny new bronze chains, one on each of her ankles. Tammad had obviously decided to band her before trouble developed, and it was clear she didn’t react to banding the way I did. I looked in her direction for no more than seconds after they joined us, then looked away and didn’t look back.
As soon as Tammad had ridden off again, I became aware of the annoyance Loddar had been feeling but not reacting to while his denday was there. The annoyance grew greater with the next few minutes that passed, and finally Loddar straightened with a soft growl.
“Wenda, put your arms about my waist,” he ordered, keeping his eyes straight ahead.
“For what reason am I to do this?” I asked, doing no more than responding automatically. I was too depressed to care one way or the other, but the command was unusual enough to seep part way through the lethargy.
“You are to do so for you have been told to do so!” he snapped, sending his annoyance toward me, but then he reconsidered and shook his head. “You are not the cause of my anger, therefore shall I not speak to you so. I will, however, say only this in answer to your question: it is expected that young warriors will at times be foolish where wendaa are concerned, yet the amusement felt at such an occurrence fades when the foolishness persists. A man should know which actions bring jealousy and which bring pain. Now, obey me.”