“As you are to spend the darkness with me, you may now remove that gown,” he said, putting his hands to his haddin as he began returning to the bed furs. “Tammad has agreed to see to Aesnil, therefore will I see to you.”
“What a surprise,” I muttered, angrily. I wasn’t surprised, not even slightly, showing I’d known the truth from the very beginning even if I hadn’t admitted it to myself. It was the way that world worked, the world that Len and Garth liked so much.
“What words do you speak, wenda?” Cinnan asked, stopping next to the bed furs to look down at me. “I am unfamiliar with your native tongue.”
“It was nothing,” I said in Rimilian, not looking up at him. “I should by now be used to Tammad’s pursuit of duty.”
“It was scarcely his pursuit of duty,” Cinnan said, scooping his arms under me and throwing me to the far side of the bed furs before sitting down. “It was a favor I asked of him, brought on by Aesnil’s announcement that she will no longer be the Chama. A Chama cannot be given as host-gift to another by the man who bands her, though an ordinary woman may be. She must learn what it is she thinks to be, and compare it with that which she has always been. Perhaps she will even speak to Tammad of that which troubles her.”
I turned my head to look at him as he stretched out on the bed fur, feeling the way he took his own troubles and firmly put them aside until he saw the results of his plans and efforts. His eyes moved over me, appreciating what he saw, and none of it made the sort of sense I could deal with.
“Among my people, a man who feels love for a woman does not give her to other men,” I stated, not caring that I sounded accusing. “He also does not take other women to his furs, enjoying them in her absence. When a man does behave in such a way, it is clear to all that he feels nothing of the love for her he so loudly professes. ”
“What foolishness!” Cinnan laughed, surprising me by not being angry. “If a man tastes of no more than one woman, how is he to know that he prefers that one woman above all others? If he gives her to no man as host-gift, how is he to know she prefers him above all others? As to enjoying the woman in his furs, is he expected to be so boorish as to give the woman insult by dismissing her presence, or making her use a matter of duty alone? The woman is another man’s beloved, else he would not have given her as host-gift, or asked that she be seen to. Is she to be treated as ahresta wenda, one who is used only out of pity? How uncivilized a man must be to behave so.”
He reached over and drew the top of my gown sleeve down to my left elbow, running his palm slowly over the arm he had exposed. The deepening hum in his mind disconcerted me so badly that I barely felt the automatic outrage which developed over having Centran ways called uncivilized. It wasn’t the first time those over-blown barbarians had looked at Central and its doings critically, and it scarcely mattered that they didn’t know what they were talking about.
“Then perhaps you would be so good as to consider me uncivilized,” I told him stiffly, shifting back away from his hand and raising the sleeve again. “I dislike being given to other men for their use, no matter that the view is considered ill-mannered. I, myself, do not see it so, quite the contrary. Were I to keep silent regarding my opinions, you would have little pleasure from me.”
“And now that you have not kept silent, I will have much pleasure?” he asked with a chuckle, for some reason amused. “Wendaa, it seems, are much alike no matter their origins. Your words put me in mind of a wenda given me as host-gift when I visited one of our far, outlying provinces, a wenda taken elsewhere in battle, one who considered herself a warrior. She had worn the bands of men only a short while, and swore to have my life if I should use her. As wild and spirited as she was, her words were not idle.”
He chuckled again and pulled the sleeve off my right arm, then grinned wide as I hastily pulled it back up.
“Out of curiosity, I agreed to leave her untouched,” he continued, raising up on one elbow and turning toward me. “Though she attempted to conceal it, her disappointment was more than clear. Her concept of honor had forced her to speak as she had, a concept which had no bearing on her true desires. I then fetched a dagger and put it in her hands, gave her what moments she required to prepare herself, then proceeded to take her. She was unable to use the weapon I had given her, for I did not allow the use of it. In such a way was she taught that her use was not hers to give or withhold, no matter the ways of the people to whom she had once belonged. Once taught this lesson, she was magnificent in use, as are all women. Do you wish me to fetch a dagger?”
His stare was so direct that I had to look away, despite the fact that I felt disgusted with myself for doing it. If my ankles hadn’t still been linked together at the bands I might have tried running, but that would probably have been as useless as struggling. I’d been told my opinions didn’t matter in the least, not on any subject men had already decided about, the standard outlook of Rimilians. I stretched my mind out to see how far I could reach, testing the strength I had left, but that was another dead end. Cinnan was the only one I could pick up, which meant he was bound to notice if I tried tampering. I’d never be able to hold him, he’d still have his way, and then Tammad would find out. I shivered at the thought of what the barbarian would do to me, then shook my head in answer to the question Cinnan had put. He was quietly awaiting an answer, feeling nothing of impatience, but when the answer came he felt a faint stirring of upset.
“Wenda, it is wrong of you to fear me,” he said, his voice concerned as his arms circled me to draw me close. “Would Tammad have allowed me your use, were I the sort to bring you harm or pain? I had thought your reluctance haughtiness, yet now see I was mistaken. I will bring you only pleasure, for this you have my word.”
“Is pleasure not pain when it is brought about by force?” I asked, doing no more than resting my cheek against his chest. “Though I cannot hope to match your abilities, l’lenda, I do not fear you. I have abilities of my own which you cannot hope to match. I will not be bested by this world of yours, for that you have my word.”
“Wendaa!” he growled, annoyed. “There is no soothing their fears when stubbornness jumps in the breach! I see you, too, fancy yourself a warrior, but of another sort. Very well, then, warrior, let us proceed in such a manner. You have been told to remove your gown. Must the command be repeated?”
His hand was on my throat, raising my head to force me to look up at him, making sure I knew he was all through playing games. It was an attitude I’d been trying for, one I’d forced on him without the use of my abilities. If I were going to be raped, I wanted it over with as soon as possible.
“You hold me with the strength of a warrior, then condemn me for disobeying?” I asked, raising an eyebrow. “Do you seek to guarantee my disobedience’?”
“Disobedience is clearly no unfamiliar state to you,” he growled, letting go of me as his annoyance increased. “See to yourself quickly, else I shall find other things to do with you.”
His thoughts were just short of the sort of hardness which meant real trouble. I wasn’t trying to get myself a beating, so I squirmed around pulling the gown up, yanked it over my head, then turned to lay it down on the carpeting out of the way. That was when I saw the flash of lightning outside the windows, a silent triple-crackling that lit the darkness in jagged lines before disappearing as quickly as it had come. I stared at the darkened windows, sure it had been heat lightning, and then, from very far away, a rumbling answered the signal of light, speaking of its impending approach.
“The storms will be here by daylight,” Cinnan said, obviously having followed my stare. “It is the time of their usual coming, and they are expected. Do you fear the fury of such storms?”