“You speak of my brother Tammad,” he stated, putting one hand on my shoulder to keep me from turning away completely. “He has spoken of how great the rift between you has grown, so great that he feels it best to allow another to band you. Though you seem more than eager to be free of him, a point he counts in favor of his decision, you have shown no interest in any other who would band you. A woman does not often act so, and I would know the reason behind your actions.”
“I am not a woman of your world, therefore you may not judge me,” I returned stiffly, still not looking at him. “As to the reason for my actions, they concern no one save myself. Even were I to speak of them to you, you would be unlikely to understand. ”
“I see,” he answered, his voice containing something of the stiffness mine had had. Then he took his hand from my shoulder and said, “In that event, we need pass no further time in talk. Take yourself to the foot of the furs and await me there.”
My mind darted around briefly, looking for a way out, but without the use of my abilities there was none. Too few steps took me to the foot of the bed furs, where I stood like the condemned awaiting execution. Cinnan waited until I got there before taking off his swordbelt and unwrapping his haddin, then he followed me over and stopped to look down at me. As soon as he was close enough I could feel the trembling begin again, the same thing I always felt with one of these l’lendaa. They were so damned big; how was it possible to say no to one of them and make it stick?
“For what reason do you fear me, wenda?” he asked, reaching out to slide the gown top off my shoulders and slowly down to my waist. “Do you continue to fear that I will cause you harm, despite my word to the contrary? Your hesitation would be more fitting in one who has never been touched.”
I looked away from him as he urged the gown down past my hips, unable to answer his question. To him there was nothing wrong in what he was doing, on the contrary it was a duty expected of him. If I’d tried telling him how I saw it, he would have laughed or thought I was crazy. When he understood I had nothing to say, he bent to lift me off the floor, then lay down on the furs and took me in his arms.
“It is clear you must be shown the truth of my words,” he murmured, beginning to move his hands on me. His sliding palm touched a still-aching welt just as the thunder crashed again, and I cried out in pain and clung to him, too scattered to continue keeping my reactions to myself. His arms tightened immediately in comfort, holding me to him, trying to calm the shaking.
“It is beyond me why certain wendaa must beg for punishment,” he said, his voice uneven as he held me close. “As slight as you are, a strapping must be nearly unbearable, no matter the care taken with it. Is obedience so impossible to you that you must choose pain over it?”
“From some men, pain is preferable to pleasure,” I gasped, my head whirling. “Pain will drive away the memory of his arms, the need for his body. From pleasure comes naught save an even greater pain, one impossible to guard against. With pain, one may hate without tears.”
“Ah, wenda, how is it possible to find no more than tears in pleasure?” he asked, something of pain to be heard in his voice. “What is this thing which stands between you and my brother, the thing which brings pain to you both? Speak to me of it, and perhaps I may aid you as you and he gave aid to me.”
I hate your world, I wanted to say, still trembling against him. If not for this world and its people, he wouldn’t have lied trying to make me work for him. If not for this world and its people, I would not be handed about among strange men, expected to please them. If he were a man of Central, he would be jealous of other men touching me, even if he didn’t have the backbone to do anything about it. He’d want to keep me for himself and he’d care if I slept with anyone else! He’d never arrange it himself, not ever!
“Wenda, I do not understand your words,” Cinnan said, and I realized he was trying to hold me still as I struggled in his embrace. I also realized I’d been muttering aloud, but that part didn’t matter. I’d been muttering in Centran, and Cinnan didn’t speak Centran. I didn’t know what was wrong with me, but it felt damned close to being drunk.
“My words—mean nothing,” I got out, well on the way to feeling suffocated. “Release me now, for I am no longer able to bear this.”
“You must bear it, and more,” he said, his voice as implacable as his arms were impossible to escape. “You have shamed my brother once, and I will not allow you to do the same a second time. You will serve me, wenda, and will find pleasure in the doing.”
I tried to add argument to my struggles, but his lips bottled up the words and refused them exit. With the way I felt, I would have sworn he’d be able to do nothing more with me than commit rare, but being somehow drunk had made me forget what l’lendaa were like. He began working on me immediately, his hands touching just so, his lips and tongue teasing, all of them caressing and heating; despite the pain of the storm and the beating I’d had, despite the drunkenness swirling me around, in no time at all I was lost to what was being done to me. It wasn’t fair for l’lendaa to have that sort of power, to be able to raise a woman’s needs and make her a slave to them, and I told Cinnan so as I kissed him. He chuckled softly and moved his hand on me, and I moaned and threw my arms around his neck. There was no doubt about the fact that he had me, but he wasn’t surprised; he fully expected me to react the way he wanted me to, and would have been surprised if I hadn’t.
Cinnan chucklingly shared the pleasure he made me feel, typically taking even more than he gave as most Rimilian men did, but as far as he was concerned he was only beginning. I couldn’t have disagreed with him on my own, but I wasn’t making many of my own decisions just then. I became more aware of being held by him, his arms tight about me as he stroked deep to satisfy us both, the satisfaction somehow becoming less and less with each passing minute. In its place the storm intruded, searing fireworks and deafening explosions battering harder and harder in an attempt to shatter my shield and mind. I had been sweating from Cinnan’s efforts and my own, but the sweat increased and turned clammy, making Cinnan’s massive arms and body under my hands and against my flesh fire hot. My head throbbed and I couldn’t breathe, and when I moaned with the heavy pain settling all about me Cinnan chuckled again, thinking my moan was one of pleasure. He leaned down to kiss me without breaking the stride of his lazy stroke, not yet ready to build toward full passion again, but I knew I’d suffocate during one of his sustained kisses. Desperately I jerked my face away, gasping for the air I needed so badly, and the laziness in the body above me suddenly disappeared.
“Wench, what ails you?” Cinnan’s voice came, a frown to be heard in it. “You have become pale, and your body trembles in my arms. Where is the pleasure you felt but moments earlier?”
I closed my eyes as I simply dragged in air, unable to answer him as the pain flared through me. It felt as though I were being flogged to death, whips striking from all directions around me. Cinnan’s hand came to my sweat-soaked hair, smoothed it once with a gentle motion, and then he withdrew from my body. I immediately began shivering violently, feeling the withdrawal of his body’s warmth as almost pain, barely knowing it when he gathered up the fur we’d been lying on and wrapped me in it. My eyes opened with a good deal of effort as the shivering began subsiding, showing me a sober, worried-looking Cinnan who held the fur about me. He smoothed my hair again in an almost unconscious gesture, then backed off the bed furs and turned toward the door to the other room. He was still four hurried strides from it when it opened, admitting a quickly striding Tammad.
“Cinnan, excuse the intrusion,” the barbarian began, “yet there is a matter of great—” His words broke off as he realized Cinnan was on the way out rather than being intruded upon, and his calmly worried expression changed to a frown. “What occurs here?” he demanded, a heavy edge to his voice. “What has she...”