“Never in my life have I felt such a thing,” he muttered, then looked up at Dallan and Tammad. “Was this the reason for your failure to face one another with swords in proper manner? I doubt it would have been possible for me to hold a sword.”
“The reason for our failure was somewhat different,” Dallan said, glancing at Tammad with a wry expression. “We were each forced to feel the hilarity of laughter, rendering serious battle impossible. As my recent opponent has said, the woman is strong-willed. ”
“And therefore should not be allowed to escape the consequences of her actions,” the barbarian put in, annoyance clear in his voice. “She must be taught to use her power with discretion, as a boy is taught to keep his sword sheathed when not truly threatened. Should she fail to learn the lesson, her life will sooner or later be forfeit.”
“I’d rather lose that life than be taken advantage of any longer!” I spat, not caring that Dallan and Rellis didn’t understand Centran; just then I wasn’t talking to them. “If you’re so afraid of what I’ll do to you, you can solve the problem by never coming near me again!”
I hadn’t really looked at him while I’d spoken, but I still turned my head away, toward the dais behind me. I was beginning to feel that hatred again, and it was a good thing I was too tired to do any more projecting. What would have come out of my mind right then wouldn’t have been as amusing as laughter or itching.
“What does she say?” Rellis asked, shifting among the cushions so that I could feel his eyes on me. “So barbaric a tongue is beyond my knowledge.”
“She—disagrees with my opinions,” the barbarian answered, his voice the least bit fainter than it had been. “She dislikes punishment and fears it, yet refuses to learn from it. How is a man to abandon such a one, so filled with pride and arrogance that she is unlikely to survive without protection, yet who looks upon such protection with furious insult? What is a man to do with such a one?”
“Perhaps he would be best off seeing her with another,” Dallan said, his voice soft with pity rather than hard with challenge. “When there is constant pain for both members of a match, that match is best dissolved. To live with constant pain is not to live at all.”
“Only through pleasure and pain does a man know that he lives,” Tammad came back, his voice strengthening again. “There are things not worth the slightest twinge. and those worth the pain of agony. To truly live is to believe that when the agony ends, the pleasure will first begin.”
“I feel that this discussion would be best conducted over cups of wine,” Rellis said, rising to his feet. “I, myself, can surely do with more than one. You may rest here undisturbed, wenda, and gather yourself together before the darkness meal. We will take our drink elsewhere.”
I twisted in the cushions and tried to protest, but all three of them were heading for the door, paying no further attention to me. Getting up myself proved impossible when I tried, and I slumped back into the cushions as the door clicked closed. They were going elsewhere not to drink but to decide what was going to be done with me, a topic I wouldn’t be allowed a say on. I grabbed a pillow and hugged it to me angrily, then lowered my cheek to the carpet fur in misery. I hated them terribly, all of them, but they couldn’t have cared less. They weren’t going to turn me loose, weren’t even going to demand that I make a choice. The choice would be made for me, and all I had to do was accept it. Well, I wouldn’t accept it, no matter what they did to me, I wouldn’t! I closed my eyes to the urging of the exhaustion I felt, beginning to think about ail the things they could do to me, and fell asleep that way.
I awoke crying out, my heart hammering, my mouth dry and stale with the taste of fear. It was terror that pursued me out of the mists of sleep, and I shuddered and pressed myself against the chest I was held to, desperately needing the arms that held me tight. It had been horrible, awful, and knowing that it had just been a bad dream didn’t help at all.
“Wenda, what has disturbed your sleep?” Rellis asked, holding me close against the shuddering. “You seemed to be in fear of your very life.”
“I—cannot remember,” I answered, trying unsuccessfully to bring back what had frightened me so. It was gone behind dark clouds, leaving nothing but the reaction it had caused.
“We are not prepared to take the darkness meal,” Rellis said, absently stroking my hair. “Are you able to join us, or would you prefer being served here.”
“I need but a moment to gather myself,” I said, remembering his views on how helpless I was. Cowering in his arms was a poor way of changing his opinion, and the effects of the nightmare were already wearing off. I stirred to let him know he could let me go, but he didn’t release me immediately. He held on for a minute or two, and when his arms finally did open, I could have read his reluctance even without my empathetic ability. I looked up to see his blue eyes directly on me, as frankly and openly as all men looked at women on that world, but with more than casual interest in his mind. When I didn’t look away from his stare he smiled faintly, then put a hand to my face.
“It is easily seen why my son feels so strongly about having banded you,” he said. “The other, Tammad, was completely correct. Your lure is greater than that of any woman I have ever met. ”
“You find yourself attracted to my helplessness?” I asked, moving back a bit before straightening the silver gown I still wore.
“No, hardly your helplessness,” he laughed, breaking out of whatever mood had just been holding him. “As I deem myself a prudent man, I shall prudently avoid delving more deeply into the question. It would never do that I add myself to the confusion we now face.”
“I had thought the matter would by now be settled,” I said, watching his reactions closely. “As I cannot press my own stand till resolution is reached, I find the delay vexing.”
“I need not ask what your stand will be,” he said with a grin, rising from his knees to extend a hand to me. “My suggested solution would have been the same even had I not known, yet the manner of execution would have been other than it was. It now lacks only your knowledge of what is to be, and that may be seen to over the meal.”
I took his hand and let him help me to my feet, but swallowed down the questions I had without asking them. His “suggested solution” sounded like nothing I would care for, but there was time to make a fuss once I heard it. Despite the fact that I felt wrinkled and mussed, I followed him out of the reception room into the corridor, up the corridor a short way, and into another room. This one was considerably smaller than the first and had no dais, but what it did have was Dallan and Tammad relaxing among the piles of red and gold cushions. The men of Gerleth seemed to like red and gold, using it so often it was beginning to get boring. The sky outside the windows had turned dark with night, but the room was well provided with candles. Five females-servants, they were, rather than slaves—either stood near trays or served the two seated men, and Rellis led me to a place opposite Tammad and Dallan and no more than four feet away from them, then gestured for service as we sat. Two pairs of eyes watched me as bowls of food were put on the small table to my right, but I decided I was too hungry to pay any attention to those eyes or the strangely roiling minds behind them. I finished a spicy fish salad, swallowed most of a thick root soup, nibbled at a few strips of grilled meat, then finally lifted my goblet of golden wine. I could tell by the odor that the men were drinking drishnak, but there was nothing I cared to say about that as long as I had better.