“Perhaps you would now care to discuss what is to follow,” Rellis said, watching me sip at the wine. “The—ah—stand you have taken has made you very much a part of it.”
“I will make no objection to listening,” I answered, leaning down to a cushion with my left elbow. “What objections I have may be made afterward.”
“You may voice whatever objections you wish,” Rellis shrugged with a grin, also leaning down to one elbow. “That will not change the fact that you will be required to obey. My son Dallan and the denday Tammad, at my request, have agreed to hold their differences in abeyance until they have returned from visiting the resting place of the Sword of Gerleth. The Sword was placed deep within this mountain by the l’lenda Zannon many lifetimes ago, after he had wielded it in battle against his foes, winning this land for his followers. It is said that the solution to all problems may be found by those who visit the resting place of the Sword, no matter the complexity of the problem, no matter its thorniness. It is for this reason that they undertake the descent, and the way will take some time in the wending.”
“I refuse to await their return to have my future decided for me,” I stated, looking directly at Rellis. “Even should you chain me, I will find my way free of the bonds and then of this place, for I will no longer allow others to dictate my fate.”
I was braced for anger from any or all of them, having decided that playing it fearless and firm was my only hope, but I wasn’t prepared for amusement. Tammad and Dallan chuckled where they half-lay among the cushions, and the grin Rellis had worn earlier matured to an open laugh.
“Wenda, we none of us believed that you might be ordered nor persuaded to await their return,” Rellis said, giving me the impression that I had become predictable. “By cause of your own difficulties you will accompany them, and also return with a solution. There is no other thing that may be done.”
“There most certainly is!” I huffed, trying to hide the dismay I felt. “I have made the decision to return to my own people, and shall do so. There is no need whatsoever for me to accompany those two!”
“On the contrary there is great need,” Rellis came back, sitting up to look at me in a sober way. “Should you be allowed so foolish a thing as the returning to people who care nothing for you, Dallan and Tammad no longer have reason to visit the resting place of the Sword. Only with your presence does their effort become meaningful.”
“Only in the opinion of certain others do my people care nothing for me,” I said, casting a hate-filled glance at a calm-minded barbarian. “Also, in my opinion, the actions of those two have as yet to be meaningful. I refuse to accompany them. ”
“Wenda, you may not refuse,” Rellis said, and his eyes had grown harder. “Should you think to use your powers upon us and thereafter depart in peace, be advised that my guard has been warned and formed against you. Beyond this door stand ten warriors, a bit beyond them ten others, and ten further beyond them. Should you attempt to depart they will halt you, for you cannot hope to best them all. Two l’lendaa have found you of interest, l’lendaa and not darayse. Though you have been raised among offworlders, you must by now know that we are not as they. You may not turn your back upon the interest of men.”
I didn’t have to look around to know they were all watching me, their minds guarded and alert and suspicious of how I would react. I looked instead at the door to the hall, searching for and finding the guards Rellis had spoken of, furious but helpless to do anything about it. Human minds were harder to impress than animal minds, and I doubted if I could have handled even that number of animals. I was so angry I wanted to strike out at someone or something, but all I did was put my cup of wine aside.
“No, you are not like the men of my world,” I said, looking at none of them. “On my world a woman need not fear being trapped, and held against her will, and ravished without chance of reprisal. As this is your concept of l’lenda, allow me to say how greatly I prefer darayse.”
Again I was prepared for one reaction and got an unexpected other. The reaction I was expecting was anger and insult, but the waves of upset suddenly rolling at me came from all of them, showing the feeling to be unanimous. They were silent during this surge, confusion keeping any words from forming, and then one of those minds pulled itself together.
“Wenda, you see those about you through eyes lacking understanding,” the barbarian said, the sound of movement accompanying his words. “You are held against your will only when your will is capricious and unreasonable, urging you to do that which is poorly thought out. As for ravishment without reprisal, there is no such thing indulged in by true l’lendaa. Should a man wish to show his love and appreciation of his wenda he will use her as his body urges him to do, yet with no thought of ravishment. Should the wenda find his use to be overly energetic due to his deep love he must be told, for he would not willingly cause her anything of pain. Though duty forces him to see to her punishment when such a thing is called for, there is no desire within him to cause her true pain. Should he lose himself and bring such pain, his regret is greater than hers. ”
His mind was as calm as it always was, but it was trying to tell me he was apologizing again. I kept my eyes on the golden fur I sat on, still unwilling to hear his apology, totally unwilling to let anything he said touch me. His opinions, like those of Dallan and Rellis, stemmed from the position of his own viewpoint. He’d have no idea about how I saw things until he stood in my footsteps, a place he was unlikely to ever visit. I sat among the red and gold cushions on the golden carpeting, not looking at any of them, and slowly their expectant minds understood that I would not be answering Tammad’s contention in words.
“Pain is at times a difficult thing to forgive,” Dallan said at last into a silence that had grown almost awkward. “Wendaa are small and loving and soft in a man’s arms, yet when they believe themselves wronged they have the strength of ten men in support of their belief. When they have truly been wronged, the strength of the pain in their hearts is greater still. A man’s proper duty is to guard himself with his wenda above all things, for she cannot hope to match the strength of his anger. Should he fail to do so, the disappointment within her is well earned by him.”
“And yet, a man is no more than a man,” the barbarian answered, his voice still soft. “He, too, is able to feel disappointment, and such a feeling brought about by the woman who holds his heart is bitter indeed. When she continues to fail him that bitterness becomes impossible to contain, if only for a moment. Though he would have it otherwise, the fool in him gains control and does that which requires forgiveness. Should that forgiveness not be forthcoming, there is foolish pain to accompany resigned understanding.”
“A man is indeed a fool to expect overmuch of a wenda,” Rellis said gently to the barbarian, sympathy urging him to give advice to someone who was a virtual stranger. “Wendaa are for pleasant companionship, and use, and the bearing of a man’s children; though loving and attentive they are shallow and delicate. Should a man wish one he may rely upon come what may, he must seek among his brothers. Wendaa, for all their desirability, have not the strength nor a proper concept of honor. When you have attained my age, you will know the truth I speak. ”
Tammad and Dallan were considering what they’d been told, but part of their attention was on me, warily waiting for my reaction to what I’d heard. I know they were expecting an explosion of some sort, but Rellis’ words, on top of the barbarian’s, had left very little room in me for anger. It hadn’t occurred to me that Tammad had beaten me more in disappointment than in anger, and I could see that Rellis was right. Tammad had been a fool for thinking he could rely on me, for thinking I would bring him any more than disappointment. I was a freak among normal people, sneering at them for fearing something they had every right to fear and mistrust, invading their privacy even when it wasn’t a matter of self-protection. I didn’t even have enough sense to keep them from knowing it was happening as though they were too far beneath my notice to bother with. No wonder Tammad hadn’t believed that Aesnil was lying; I’d tarred myself with the brush with my own hand so often before, there was no reason for him to think I hadn’t done it again. I closed my eyes and lowered my head in shame, drawing my shield in tight at the same time. Nothing I did on that world was right, and I wished I were dead.