“Speaking about the drugs and what they do to you, I-ah-still have something of a problem,” he said, the hand on my arm squeezing suggestively. “Since you still owe me for what I did for you, how about the two of us going back to my apartment where you can-see to my problem. ”
He began to send me the heat in his mind, a heat that had more personal choice than drug-induced need behind it, but I didn’t get the chance to throw it back at him the way I wanted to. A thick arm reached over my left shoulder, the hand attached to the arm closing on his throat, and suddenly heat wasn’t the main problem on Kel-Ten’s mind.
“Should you wish the touching of my woman, you must first face and best me,” Tammad said, his calm tone widening the eyes of the man he held by the throat. “Such a doing is called offering a challenge, and in no manner will you find me reluctant to answer. Is this what you wish, to offer a challenge?”
It was right then that I discovered how satisfying—and amusing-it can be to have a certain someone take care of certain annoyances for you. Kel-Ten’s mind darted to Tammad’s, took one good look, then flinched back in a hurry. At that point in time Kel-Ten was slightly stronger than the barbarian, but only because he had trained and practiced so long. He had no trouble recognizing a mind that had the potential of being much stronger, and wanted nothing to do with a mind like that—or the sword worn by the body surrounding the mind. When he shook his head, Tammad let him go with a small push, sending him back to sprawl again on the couch where he’d been sitting.
“Outworlders are clearly more than foolish,” the w’wenda standing to my right said to Kel-Ten, grinning faintly at the way he rubbed at his throat. “Think you our Chama is unprotected in matters not concerning the power? Such is the purpose of the l’lenda who bands her, to see to her safety at times her w’wendaa cannot. To her go the duties of the mind, to him the duty of the sword. To protect one of such importance is a duty fit only for the best of the best, which we have learned this l’lenda is. You, too, I think, have now learned the same.”
The look Kel-Ten shot Tammad was not one of awed respect, but I barely noticed that in the midst of thepleasurepride-flattered happiness-that was coming in waves from the man standing beside me. I didn’t quite understand what that meant, so once we had left the lounge I decided to find out.
“Have you given up your plans to be denday of dendayy?” I asked, trying not to dread the answer. “You seemed to be so pleased with what that w’wenda said about you, but I thought . . . ”
“Hama, I have not given over my ambitions,” he said with a smile, sending me reassurance. “My people now no longer need protection from those who would use them badly, yet is there still the matter of adjustment to consider. They will require guidance and assistance, aid I mean to see they have.”
“But the woman spoke of you as nothing but my protector,” I said as we moved along the hall, more confused than ever. “If you still have plans to be much more than that, why weren’t you insulted?”
“I felt no insult for the reason that I, too, consider the matter of your protection to be greatly important,” he said, stopping us where we were so that he could make me look up at him. “Think you there are any about who would joy to see your life held in the hands of one with little or no skill? Such a one is not I even should there be others, but wenda-do none in your worlds have two tasks of great importance which they see to? Such things are not easily done, yet are they possible of accomplishment. Do you feel I would seek to shirk one or the other?”
I shook my head as I leaned against him, holding him around as he held me. Most men, I felt, would have considered being my bodyguard a menial task, especially if they happened to be important in their own right. That Tammad looked at it differently—and more wonderfully-was not that much of a surprise, but hearing him say it only reminded me that I also had something to say.
“Hamak, I have to tell you something,” I whispered after a moment, really wishing I didn’t have to. “Help me find some place private where we can talk.”
He smoothed my hair as he looked down at me, concern in his mind as well as his eyes, but he didn’t argue. It took us a while to find a small lounge that wasn’t being used for something else, but once we did we closed the door and sat down on a couch to hold each other around. I didn’t know if he could feel the fear in me, but before it turned me speechless I started the story of the child that had been ours. By the time I was through I was crying, my shield closed tight to keep his reactions from me, the reactions I was very much afraid would be hatred and disgust. He held me tight to his chest as he stroked my hair, his silence more painful than what had been done to me in the complex, and then he sighed.
“Hama, this tale you tell distresses me greatly,” he said, very little life left in his voice. “I had not understood the reason for your own distress over my not having told you of my intentions to reclaim you from your embassy, yet is my understanding now more than clear. A man who wishes the child he has planted retains the wenda who carries it. To send her from him, most especially with no other there to band her, is to say he wishes naught of the child. I had not known I -had put such agony on you, and nearly do I lack the courage to once more ask your forgiveness.”
“My forgiveness?” I blurted, raising my head to look at him. “But the child was yours, and I never even told you about it! If you’d known you probably would have told me what you were doing, and all this grief could have been avoided.”
“And yet, I did not then look upon you as I do now,” he said, raising one hand to stroke my face. “Then you were beloved yet no more than a wenda, and no l’lenda has need of sharing his intentions with one such as that. This tragedy was given life in the same manner a child is-by the combined doings of two. Perhaps best would be that we share the burden, and in such a manner lighten it each for the other. You say you have already taken the lives of those responsible for our loss?”
“Some of them,” I answered, opening my shield to find that he was grieving rather than blaming. “There are others also responsible, and if they survive the attack on their headquarters on Central, I think we ought to pay them a visit.
“L’lenda wenda,” he said with a faint smile, taking my face in both of his hands. “Indeed are you changed from the woman I knew, changed in a manner I had not thought would please me. No longer do you accuse me of all manner of odd doings, no longer do you seek to disobey me in all things, no longer do you deny the love you feel. And I, I am fully as changed as you, for no longer do I feel your obedience necessary to my happiness, and no longer do I wish to discount what council you give me as foolishness. Much pain did we both need to suffer to accomplish these ends, yet have we finally and in truth accomplished them.”
He lowered his head and kissed me then, knowing I wanted him to, but I discovered he’d made more progress in reading emotions than I’d thought. The kiss only continued for a minute or two, and then he raised his head.
“Something continues to disturb you,” he said, trying to look at me with his mind as well as his eyes. “I feel the presence of the disturbance, yet am I unable to reach its cause. Will you speak of the matter to me?”
“I don’t think I should,” I answered, leaning forward to put my cheek against his chest. “That last time I mentioned this problem to you you refused to listen, which made me do some things to force you to go along, which eventually got me spanked. I don’t care for the idea of getting spanked again.”
“Hama, you cannot mean that you continue to feel we must part!” he protested, more confused than angry. “After all we have faced, both together and apart, how are you able to believe such a thing?”