“Do you think the choice is mine?” I asked in turn, raising my head to look at him. “You may be a heartless, overgrown barbarian who spanks the woman foolish enough to love him, but that’s a habit that can be broken and there are plenty of men around with worse faults. I don’t want to believe what I’m feeling, but preferences don’t seem to matter.”
“I cannot see how such a thing may be,” he said with a shake of his head, anger and frustration finally getting a grip on him. “Who is there about capable of taking you from me? Who might there possibly be to lure me from your side?”
“I think you’re sounding a little too interested in that second question,” I said, narrowing my eyes at him. “Maybe what I’m being told is that I’ll catch you fooling around with another woman, and because of that I’ll drop a building on your head.”
“Such jealousy does not become you, hama,” he said with a grin, really enjoying the way I was feeling. “Each time you imagine me of interest to another, you speak of doing me harm. I, however, in greater generosity, speak only of doing harm to he who might take you from me. Clearly are l’lendaa possessed of more generous natures than wendaa. ”
“Oh, sure they are,” I said with a very slow nod. “Their natures are so generous, they feel it’s their duty to share themselves with every female who walks, staggers or crawls past them. Unfair as it undoubtedly is, people with natures like, that do sometimes come to a bad end.”
“There is but one end I currently find of interest, hama sadendra,” he said, his grin still there as he pulled me down flat on the couch with him. “Try though I might, I cannot envision any other end ever taking my fancy as does the one I possess. Though duty may call me a thousand times, ever shall I return to the end which is mine.”
“How many times?” I demanded in a growl, raising my hands to bury my fists in his hair. “If nature doesn’t kill you, duty has a damned good second shot at it!”
He laughed aloud then held me still for his kiss, and it wasn’t long before I was rushing to get out of the brown uniform. We’d teased each other about jealousy and then made very strenuous love, but that doesn’t mean we erased the cloud of the child wed lost—or forgot the probability that wed never have the chance to make one to replace it.
The day after the attack was calmer than the previous night had been, and I spent the morning working with some of the community’s people trying to get through the conditioning of the female Primes. It was a job very much like pulling out teeth using nothing but fingers; we knew what we wanted to do, but couldn’t seem to get a good enough grip to accomplish it.
While I was occupied with frustration, Tammad and a large number of our fighters went to sort out the mess in the smaller building that was a short distance from the main complex. A couple of crash teams had entered it at the same time different ones had entered the main complex, but all they did then was disable every mechanical system in the place except for what was labeled life-support. Most of the personnel in that building had been locked in their apartments or rooms for the night, and were going to be tackled one or two at a time. I would have preferred going along with Tammad, but the stubborn beast decided I couldn’t and that was that. With the only fighting likely to occur being physical in nature he did have a point, but point or not I didn’t like it.
He and most of the others were back by lunchtime looking very little the worse for wear, so he and I found Rissim and Irin, and we four Vent back to racking our brains while we ate. Our little group had done the same the night before, but we were coming up with so much nothing you would have thought we were a full committee. I knew I would never belong to Tammad but I didn’t know why, and none of us could come up with a reason for it—or a suggestion as to how it might be avoided.
We had just reached the point of agreeing that what was causing my conviction might very well be that Tammad and I were destined to die of frustration-with Irin and Rissim joining us-when one of the expedition people came to interrupt. Murdock sent his compliments, and asked that I join him for a short while to discuss something important. I couldn’t remember ever receiving someone’s compliments before and was tempted to return my criticisms along with my agreement, but I was the only one who considered the situation amusing. Irin immediately decided he was about to send me off somewhere again—the hidden reason behind my’ feeling we hadn’t known about before—and promptly stood up with the very clear intention of committing murder. Rissim also stood, mainly with the intention of keeping her from doing anything foolish, but part of him was sharing her urge toward violence if it turned out her guess was right. Tammad made it a threesome when he got to his feet, and it wasn’t even necessary to touch his mind; the way he stood very straight but loose, as though he might need to draw his sword at any minute, the lack of all expression on his face, the cold, distant look in his eyes . . .
I sighed before I got up, but sighing didn’t accomplish anything at all. I still had three grim silences following me as I followed Murdock’s messenger, giving me the feeling I was casting a triple shadow.
The room we were led to was in the executive wing, a large, poshly decorated setup meant for party-meetings rather than just meetings, and Murdock turned out not to be alone. Ashton was there and so was Lamdon, and with them was the woman from the group who investigated mental abilities. Our guide led us in then left after closing the door, and Murdock showed one of his wintry smiles.
“I hadn’t expected you to have an escort, Terrilian,” he said from the chair he sat in, his mind more amused than his expression showed. “I’m somewhat surprised there are no w’wendaa as well.”
“If it’s a w’wenda you want, I may soon oblige you, brother,” Irin said, stepping forward to stand beside me. “What is it that you want from her this time?”
“He doesn’t necessarily want something from her, Irin,” Ashton put in from her chair to Murdock’s right, obviously trying to soothe her sister. “You three look like we intend dismantling her to find out where her power comes from. Has any of you any idea how much strength that would take?”
“I do,” I said, trying to keep it light. “Especially after the meal I just had. I must be fueled for a month, not to speak of against all comers.”
“Why don’t all of you sit down,” Murdock suggested, nodding toward the half circle of empty chairs facing the four already occupied. “You all know Lamdon and Kaila and they know you, so what need is there for us to act like a group of strangers?”
“At the moment there’s no need,” Irin said, not conceding an inch of ground. “If that happens to change, you’ll be the first to know.”
She headed herself to the chair to the left of the one I was taking, but she and I were the only ones who sat. I didn’t have to turn around to know Tammad and Rissim had stationed themselves behind my chair, and the small, satisified smile on Irin’s face said she knew it, too. Three of the four people sitting opposite us were clearly dying to ask what was going on, but the show was Murdock’s and he was more interested in getting on with it.
“Terrilian, I asked you to come here so that you might be told a number of things,” he said, “and one of the items should be of interest to Irin as well. I would like to begin by informing you that our strike at Rathmore Hellman and his people was just as successful as our enterprise here. An interim deputy now holds his chair, one of our people, I might add, and very soon there will be places for many of ours in the government. We mean to see that those of our blood are never captured and used again.”
“She doesn’t want to go back to Central, and she doesn’t want to work in your government,” lrin said flatly, staring at Murdock. “What she wants is to stay on Rimilia. ”