We stopped in front of the large glass board again and Kel-Ten began studying it, giving me the opportunity to look casually around. Most if not all of the men there seemed to know who I was—or, more to the point, what I was—and to a small extent the First Prime had been right about their feelings. A large number of them resented my being there, but of that number only a few were actually “afraid” of a woman who wasn’t conditioned into adoring them. The rest were more outraged over the presence of a lesser being, feeling that their sacred precincts were being invaded by someone who didn’t and would never belong. They were superior, and knew it without doubt because they’d been told they were.
Of the ones who were jealous of Kel-Ten’s possession of me, again only a few were jealous because they considered me more attractive than the women they had access to. The rest saw me as a symbol, one of the benefits of Kel-Ten’s position, a benefit they were burning to enjoy as a foretaste of that very position. They were all determined to work very hard until they became First Prime, and no more than a handful doubted they would one day make it.
I stirred where I stood beside Kel-Ten, certain I’d interpreted all those emotions around me correctly, and because of that felt rather upset. Dedication to a particular goal is all fine and well, but those men weren’t dedicated, they were obsessed. Or conditioned, which isn’t exactly the same thing. There was a burning need inside each of them to prove themselves, matching a similar need in Kel-Ten to improve on what he’d already accomplished. My partner in conspiracy thought he wanted to escape; was that absolutely true, or simply an outlet the conditioning was allowing him to keep him from exploding into uselessness? Had he put off the time of our leaving because he really thought a wait was necessary—or because he’d never actually do what he was being allowed to dream about? If I told him I was ready to go and no further delay would be necessary, would he laugh with delight and get us started, simply be unable to hear me, turn me off and send me back to the low dormitory, what? I didn’t go so far as to turn to stare at him, but couldn’t help noticing that the hall we stood in had suddenly became a good deal chillier.
“Looks like I have a heavier schedule today than I did yesterday,” Kel-Ten said, drawing me away from increasingly depressing thoughts. “Two intro classes for new arrivals from low, five rings to cover with another two as standby possibilities, and a formal challenge.
Which doesn’t even count my regular classes. I’ve had days like this before, and I hate to tell you how wiped out I’ll be by tonight. I’m surprised Ank-Soh isn’t here waiting, all ready to give me a hand with looking after you. ”
He chuckled as he made the observation, putting an arm around me to hug me, but there wasn’t much in the way of amusement inside him. I could feel a heavy sense of worry, tinged faintly with fear, and only then realized what he was worrying about. The women he was supposed to take care of, when he’d mentioned them the fear had appearedbecause he was still being protected by my block! His body didn’t even want one woman, not to mention five for certain and maybe even seven, and the First Prime was wondering if he would be able to handle it.
I reached over to him gently with my mind, touched the block to make it dissolve, then watched the rate at which the drugs began affecting him again. He was able to feel it a good deal sooner than he’d stopped feeling it, leading me to believe they’d increased his dosage because of the sort of schedule they’d given him. I stood with his arm around me as he continued to look at the board, waiting for his reaction to being released, really afraid he’d start wondering what was going on, but it didn’t happen. His mind suddenly surged with elation as he knew himself able again, but there wasn’t the least sign of suspicion, most certainly not of me. He didn’t seem used to questioning what happened to him, and rather than making me feel better, the realization drove me deeper into worry of my own.
I had another couple minutes of quiet to use for a stern inner talk with myself about the stupidity of having forgotten about the block, but I didn’t have to belabor the point. I could have had real trouble by letting it slip my mind, and I had already sworn to be careful not to do the same again. I’d also had the time to add my curiosity to Kel-Ten’s about where Ank-Soh was, but not because I missed the other Prime. I couldn’t very well make Ank-Soh not want me after everything he’d said the day before, but I thought it might be possible to convince him his own schedule was too heavy to fit me in. It was a risk I’d been wondering if it would be smart to take-no matter how I felt about it emotionally—and his not showing up was a bigger break than I’d been expecting. Wherever the other Prime was, I couldn’t help hoping fervently that he stayed there.
My thinking time was ended by the sound of the chime that officially started the day, and once again my hand was taken in Kel-Ten’s as he set off to his first class. When we got to the room I was put in the back corner the way I’d been the day before, but once the class started I got a surprise I hadn’t been expecting. Rather than having it be the relaxing class of the day before, it turned out to be a mental exercise class filled mostly with beginners. The black-clad instructor welcomed six of the fifteen men to their new level, made sure they knew the First Prime was there and watching them, then began them on their exercises. He called out an emotion and they all projected it together, then he had them do the same only one at a time.
Right from the start I’d had to be very careful of my expression, making sure I gave the impression of being as bored as I’d been the day before. I sat in the corner leaning up against the righthand wall, my legs again bent to the left, my hand now and then patting a yawn, my mind busily taking in everything I was being shown. Kel-Ten was again at the back of the group, and when he’d joined in the general broadcasting he’d been careful to use only a part of his strength. With the others it didn’t matter; only a small portion of their weakly sloppy projections were reaching the trainer, and I thought I knew why. They had the control we were all taught for closeup work, but none of them was really used to projecting at a distance. They could just reach the trainer where he stood, his mind braced against what was coming at him, and some of them were even letting their efforts spread in my direction.
The trainer himself was a surprise, and although I looked at him closely with my mind, I made sure not to touch him. The man wasn’t a Prime but he was an empath, and someone had taught him how to recognize what was coming at him without letting it affect him. His braced mind in effect slid the emotions past him once he knew what they were, just as though he held up something mental to cause that sliding. It was an interesting technique, requiring nothing of the effort fighting off the projections would have demanded, something I would have had to do in his place.
Again, even with individual efforts the class didn’t last very long, and by the time it was over I understood that the class I’d seen with the targets would be what the men in that class would graduate to once they had control and strength. The man in black ended the class with another sort of competitive comment about Kel-Ten, and while everyone was leaving spent some time talking to the First Prime. I could feel Kel-Ten purring from what was being said to him, most likely the usual stroking he was given, and then the purring stopped in order to let him pay closer attention to what he was being told. His mind registered faint surprise and an odd mixture of satisfaction and regret, and then he left the trainer to come over to my corner. For some reason I felt I ought to be very curious about what he’d been told, and came that close to asking straight out as I got to my feet. Luckily I was able to bite my tongue before the giant size of it let Kel-Ten know I’d been able to follow what was going on at that range, but didn’t have to waste time trying to think of a way to trick the information out of him. As soon as he put his arm around me, he came right out with exactly what I’d wanted to know.