With all the extraneous nonsense taken care of, the women were finally able to lead me inside the palace to a room where we could talk. On the way inside we passed the group of men who had more or less come along with the one called Tammad, and I was pleasantly surprised to find that I remembered and recognized a number of the faces. Seeing him brought back memory of Dallan, Leelan’s memabrak and the man with whom I was helid, but remembering him also told me I’d be smart to just raise a hand in greeting, smile warmly, and keep on going. The expression on his face said he wanted to talk to me, but I had no time and even less desire to be lectured. I didn’t know what the subject of the lecture would be, but I could remember how good Dallan was at never having trouble finding something.
The room in the palace chosen for our discussion was large, of white stone draped with gold, white fur carpeting and golden cushions. It had to be one of the rooms meant for the Charm’s use, and the arrival of servants with food trays and wine came as no great surprise. The women who had come with me-including Deegor’s belated arrival-were the ones who had organized the attack against the palace, and once everyone had tasted the food and drink we got down to cases. I explained that I had come to tell them I could no longer be their Chama, and then sat back with the delicious fried meat strips I’d helped myself to and let them get the arguing out of their systems.
They tried every argument they’d used on me the last time wed discussed the point and then added a few wrinkles, but it all came down to my wanting to give up the honor, and their unwillingness to let me. It went around and around with everyone having their say, Ashton silent but listening carefully from her place beside me, and finally I held up a hand.
“I had thought, from the last time we spoke, that all of you had agreed to understand and comply with the needs which move me,” I said, looking around at them. “Your need was for the presence and assistance of one who would find it possible to best Farian, mine was to be gone on my way once that task was seen to. As your needs have been met, I now ask that mine be considered. Am I to be allowed the freedom I yearn for, or am I to be kept chained by imposed demands of duty and responsibility?”
The minds all around me suddenly filled with a lot of upset, the roiling emotions pointed up even more by the complete silence in the room. They all wanted to tell me that I wasn’t looking at it right, that being chama was a very high, important position and not slavery, but they all knew well enough that freedom and slavery were personal outlooks not seen the same by everyone involved. That I’d helped them when they needed it couldn’t be denied; I’d left it to them to say whether or not they would do the same for me.
“Terril, we are all aware of your desire to be elsewhere, and know as well that the desire is no reflection on those of us here or our city,” Relgon said slowly after a moment, trying to force some order out of the chaos of her thoughts.“ ‘ Although it may seem that we have failed to consider your wishes, you must know that we have attempted to find one who may be Chama in your place. A part of our difficulty lies in the fact that you, yourself, have no issue, Farian had none, and no female other than Leelan is about as the issue of she who was Chama before Farian. Those l’lendaa who are brothers to Leelan were driven from Vediaster by Farian, and therefore are not present to band one with the power and legitimatize the seat she takes.”
“Even were it possible to find one of sufficient power to be banded,” Deegor put in, an exact duplicate of Relgon except for the sword she wore. “Our laws demand that our Chama be the one who is possessed of the greatest power, and none we have encountered before or since our first meeting with you, Terril, has shown the strength you are capable of. Were we to choose one of lesser strength, our laws would be no more than mockery, and we find ourselves unable to betray our country in such a manner. Perhaps you will find it necessary to leave us with our dilemma, and should that be so we will surely understand. We will continue to lack a solution, yet will we be filled with understanding.”
“Filled with understanding,” I muttered under my breath, seeing Deegor’s calm expression mirrored on more faces than just her sister’s. I’d tried making them feel guilty for insisting that I keep the job of Chama, and it had worked until Deegor’s counterattack. None of them would blame me if I simply picked up and walked out, but that wouldn’t solve the problem I’d helped create and was partially responsible for. Whoever they chose would not have the strongest mind possible, not as long as I remained among the living, and no matter how many oaths I swore about never coming back, the possibility remained that some day I might. At that point their chosen Chama would be nothing more than a sham, sitting her throne only because I allowed it by not challenging her. No one could be an effective ruler under circumstances like those, not unless-not unless
“I believe I have it?” I said, sitting up so suddenly among the cushions that I nearly spilled the golden wine filling the goblet I held. “You here must have a Chama with the strongest mind, and yet I must be off and about other doings. How speak your laws upon the point of one who represents an absent Chama, one appointed by the Chama to rule in her name?”
Everyone began speaking at once, then, some insisting there was no law like that, some saying there couldn’t be such a law, and some cautiously suggesting there might be a tiny bit of merit to the suggestion. It was impossible separating one voice or mind from the next, and then Deegor held up her arm for silence. She needed Relgon’s help to bring everyone down from the ceiling noisewise, but after a minute or two she was able to get to what she wanted to say.
“It brings me surprise that most here have no memory of what is commonly done when the Chama travels,” the w’wenda said, looking around at her countrywomen. “Perhaps Relgon and I, having attained greater age than many of you, are more familiar with such things. When Kirdil, mother of Leelan, chose to travel to neighboring countries, there was ever one appointed by her to sit the throne and speak with her voice. Should such a doing suit our Chama Terril, who here has the power to deny her?”
“Sooner should we put the query as to who might have the power to sit for her,” came the sour answer supplied by Siitil, a w’wenda of Leelan’s age who tended to be sour even when she was reasonably happy. “The strongest among. us is Relgon, and yet has Relgon ever maintained that she will only advise and never rule. Her delight that the place of Chama would not be hers was clearly unfeigned, therefore do we gallop our seetarr and yet remain where we began.”
“It would scarcely be proper for one such as I to accept any such position,” Relgon said as most of the eyes in the room came to rest on her, her sigh doing nothing to cover the unyielding determination in her mind. “Those of my family who have come before have ever been advisors, a position of much pride and responsibility; never were we ones to be advised. To usurp a position neither desired nor earned-to fall before the temptation of the weak and covet a place most properly belonging to others-to consider the thing even for a short while- No, my friends, such a doing is beyond me. No more may I do than advise one who sits the place rightfully.”
Siitil held her hands up in a gesture showing she wasn’t surprised and a couple of the women began trying to argue with Relgon, but those of us who could feel her mind knew arguing would never move the older woman. It was almost a matter of reverse snobbery, with Relgon feeling, in effect, that to accept a higher position would be lowering herself, and on top of that her attitude was a family tradition. She would advise any legitimate ruler, but the only candidate for that spot was