“All right, you all feel I have a terrible problem and you’re determined to help me solve it,” I said, making no effort to have them think I was feeling in the least friendly. “Since I can see you’re going to keep bothering me until I agree to listen I’ll do it, but don’t expect to be satisfied with the way the discussion turns out. I’m promising to listen, but that’s all I’m promising.”
“The stubbornness of stone has ever been one of your virtues, wenda,” the one called Tammad commented, his tone dry and his mind annoyed. “The wrong done to you has been more than great, a wrong I shall right with the edge of my blade, yet have I, too, been wronged. As you alone may right this second wrong, perhaps you will consider acquiring a like determination.
“I feel sure, denday Tammad, that my daughter will approach this matter with reason and understanding,” Rissim said from his place to Irin’s right in the circle our group formed on the floor fur, his voice calm and his mind the same. “Although in one sense she has not long been a daughter to me, she is, in fine, no other thing and has never been other than that. She is blood of my blood, and will surely conduct herself as such.”
His light blue eyes came to me at that point, nothing in them but the easy conviction that everything he’d said was true. I hadn’t much liked what that Tammad had said, but suddenly I was wondering if I liked Rissim’s speech any better. There was no doubt in his mind that I was his daughter, and I’d been wasting my time worrying about whether or not I’d be accepted. Acceptance was inarguable and automatic, mine simply by virtue of my being there, but what I did did not fall into the same category.
“I’m sure wed all like this to be over and done with,” Irin said hastily, her arm suddenly around me, most likely in response to what she could feel in my mind. “Since going over the problem should settle it, let’s start going over it. Len, you said you could do it best’?”
“I think so, but first there’s another misunderstanding to straighten out,’ Len answered with a nod from where he sat between Garth and Tammad, his sober gaze resting on me. “Terry, when I saw all the things you were becoming able to do with your mind I did run scared, but not for the reason you think. I wasn’t afraid of you, and I didn’t mistrust you; except for being the one to accomplish all you did, you really had nothing to do with it at all.”
He paused then, to give me a chance to comment if I wanted to, but he was the one with all the explanations. When he saw I had nothing to say, he sighed inwardly and plowed on.
“You have to understand one very important point before any of the rest of it will make sense,” he said, his eyes now trying to send belief, his mind deliberately refusing to do the same. “The Amalgamation differentiates between Primes and ordinary empaths, but Terry-our people here have found that the only difference between the two is this: Primes are born with the greater strength, and other empaths have to work for it. Prime strength can be achieved by any empath if they’re properly trained, so every one of us is a potential Prime.”
This time I didn’t say anything because my mind was too shocked, not to mention too busy racing around trying to digest that unbelievable statement. All the valley people present were confirming what had been said with their calm acceptance of the matter, leaving me no choice but to believe the unbelievable. All empaths were potential Primes, and where you get has always been more important than where you start from. The same strength was available to all of us, but the Amalgamation didn’t know that!
“Good grief, Len, they’ve been throwing their ordinary empaths away!” I blurted, suddenly even more shocked. “They keep the born Primes, and all the rest are called Ejects and simply kicked out to live as they can or die if they can’t! They’ve had just the numbers they wanted right in their hands, and all they did with them was throw them away!”
“Which is my idea of proper justice,” Len said in agreement, sharing the grim pleasure the other valley people felt. “I hurt for the pain given my brothers and sisters, but at least they were spared the need to find themselves working to further the aims of their enemies. Once we defeat that garbage, our people will be rescued and helped to live normal lives.
“Considering what I’ve just told you, I now have to explain why I’m not Prime strength yet,” he went on after taking a deep breath to calm himself. “I’ve visited here often enough to have gotten the training but the day I reached Prime strength would have been the day I had to stay here permanently. I’m not supposed to be a Prime, and if I went back to work for Central and someone accidentally discovered I was, my usefulness and freedom would have been over together. Not to mention the fact that they would then have known a lot more than we wanted them to.”
“Okay, I can understand that,” I conceded, finding it just about the only point not wrapped a mile deep in confusion. “What I can’t understand is what that can possibly have to do with your being afraid. Since you know so much more about it, you shouldn’t . . .”
“Terry, the fact that I know so much more about it is the point,” he interrupted, more upset with himself than with me. “I’d thought, just like everyone else, that there was a limit to what Primes can do, and then there you were, so far beyond our best that it was frightening. And not only that, but it was clear you were still growing! If I’d thought those sorts of abilities were beyond me I wouldn’t have minded, but what one of us can do, so can the rest! But wed tried, hard and often, and had discovered that ordinary practice couldn’t advance us to your level. That meant wed have to go through what you went through-all that pain and terror-once I reached Prime strength I’d have to try for it, my nature would refuse to let me do anything else. I don’t think I’ve ever been so frightened in my life—”
He sat trembling with his hand over his eyes, his mind reaching out for and clinging to the comfort being sent to him by just about everyone in the room, the fear he’d spoken of a very odd thing. It wasn’t the sort of fear most people feel, the kind that sends panic racing through you and you racing through anything in your path to getting away. Len’s fear was the terrible sort that’s felt when the last thing you want to do is what you intend, but you know you will do it because you have to. No matter what. No matter how much it hurts. That kind of fear just sits on you and digs in, spreading out and using its claws and teeth, turning your life into a waking nightmare. I would have known how Len felt even if I couldn’t read his emotions so clearly, and from that I knew the comforting the others were giving him was no more than wasted effort.
“I think I’ve found another difference between Primes and ordinary empaths,” I said after a moment, putting an insulting drawl into the words. “Primes learn to think, an ability that seems to be beyond some of the ordinary.”
The minds around me immediately began registering offended outrage and disapproval on Len’s behalf, but Len was the one I was watching most carefully, and his sense of insult died almost before it was born. He pulled his hand from his eyes so he could look at me with all the suspicion he felt, knowing I’d said what I had on purpose even though he couldn’t see the purpose, so I shook my head at him.
“You know, Len, I really admire the courage of people who get their exercise from jumping to conclusions,” I said, feeling how my continued drawl was adding to his annoyance. “I don’t think much of their intelligence, but I do admire their courage in making assumptions and then living their lives to suit the conclusions. Doing it that way means they never know what will happen, but that doesn’t stop them from plowing through life both deaf and blind.”