“I love the way l’lendaa never give up on anything they really want,” Irin said comfortably, amusement in her glance to me as she brought the pitcher back. “Rissim was like that when he first decided I was the one he wanted to band, and you can take my word for the fact that he didn’t have an easy time of it. And it never bothered him that my mind was stronger than his. How much does Terry’s strength bother you?”
She really was very pleased with herself when she turned a bright smile on Tammad and waited for his answer, but the smile faded when she saw the unfocused look in his eyes. He sat very still for a moment, head cocked as though listening intently, then dropped his cup of kimla, surged instantly and gracefully to his feet, and raced out of the private area he’d earlier barged into. He didn’t make enough noise for us to follow his progress through the house by ear, but Irin wasn’t listening by ear. I could feel her trying to reach his mind, but she’d really started too late. Before she could do anything at all he was out of her range, which let her turn her furious face to me.
“What have you done to him now?” she demanded, her annoyance and frustration so strong I was surprised she wasn’t throwing things. “We had it all out in the open and he didn’t want to leave, and all you needed to do was let him help! And just look at that mess you caused! What did you do to make him run out like that?”
“He thinks he hears his beloved calling out to him for his help,” I said, then drained my cup of kimla before putting it aside. I hadn’t known I could do that without using words to suggest the state of mind I wanted, but there had been too many surprises lately for me to spend much time oohing and aahing over another. “He’s out there right now trying to find her, but all he’ll find is the hard fact that his help isn’t wanted. I appreciate the hospitality you’ve shown me, Irin, I thank you for your concern, and I hope you’ll pass on my thanks to Rissim as well. As soon as I find a place to stay, I’ll send for my clothes.”
“Terrilian, you can’t move out of the house!” she cried, climbing to her feet as I got to mine. “Do you think if you’re not here that will stop me from trying to help you? Nothing will stop me, and you can bet everything you own on that!”
“You aren’t helping, you’re interfering!” I snapped back, conceding then that a polite leave-taking wasn’t going to be possible. “You have no right encouraging a man I don’t want anywhere near me, especially not after I told you why I don’t want him. If that’s your idea of making someone feel like part of a family, I’d rather be alone.”
“That’s exactly what your whole trouble is, too much of being alone!” she fumed back, fists now on hips. “That and being brought up to believe your opinion counts more than anyone else’s. Do you have any idea how much arrogance it takes to decide you’re not going to let someone make a sacrifice for you without even knowing whether or not they consider it a sacrifice? You’re deciding what’s best for him without making any effort to consult his wishes!”
“He’s too stubborn to know what’s good for him, so why would I waste the time?” I retorted, finding it more than clear that the discussion I was then in fell into the same category. “And if it’s arrogance to want to direct your own life in your own way, then go right ahead and call me arrogant. Just as long as you do it from a distance, something I’ll take care of, I don’t mind in the least.”
“Once that life you just mentioned becomes entwined with those of other people, you have to think of them as well as yourself,” she said, refusing to give it up even as I began turning away. “It’s our fault you never learned that, so your father and I will have to be the ones to do something about the lack. You’re not finished with us, young lady, you’re only starting, and that goes for whether you like it or not!”
Instead of answering I just kept going, making my way up the hall to the front door and then out. I was so annoyed it was all I could do to control the emotion, and actually had to stop for a minute once I was outside in the sunshine to get a better grip on myself. That woman had more nerve than anyone I had met in my entire life, and I was delighted I would not be living in her house any longer. It was hard to believe she would actually suggest I was forcing Tammad to do things my way. He was the one who went in for forcing, not me, and if she hadn’t been so interested in her own interpretation of things she would know that. I stood squinting into the sunlight until I was calm enough to unclench my fists, then went looking for someone to tell me how to find the place I wanted to go.
Getting directions turned out to be simple. The first person I stopped knew exactly where the attack-planning group was meeting, and cheerfully gave me directions to a house not far from Murdock’s. It hadn’t occurred to me sooner, but in a situation like that everyone in the community could be expected to know what was going on because they all had a part in it. If they weren’t planning they were part of the plan, so there was nothing more natural than that they know. A man who seemed to be a head servant let me into the house and politely asked me to wait, then went looking for someone to tell I was there. I waited with a patience I wasn’t really feeling, but the wait turned out to be extremely short. I hadn’t shifted in place more than once before a very familiar face came out from behind the hanging the servant had gone through.
“Terry, this is a pleasant surprise,” Garth said, the warm greeting in his mind making me feel a little better. “Are you sure you’re well enough to be here? Last night Tammad and Rissim agreed you’d be spending the day today taking it easy.”
“I am taking it easy,” I pointed out, seeing no need for going into the question any further. “I just thought I’d check to see how far along you people are, to get some idea of when the attack is planned for. I had the impression you don’t intend wasting much time before striking. ”
“We can’t waste much time,” he said, beginning to lead me back in the direction he’d come from, enthusiasm lighting his eyes. “Getting an attack off the planning board and onto the battlefield is usually a time-consuming process because of how careful you have to be with the lives of your people, but in our situation we have to move as fast as possible. We have someone with a supposedly faulty transponder set on your frequency leading their searchers around now, making sure the transponder goes out at the critical time to keep the complex people from catching him, but we can’t keep that up forever. II won’t be long before they either catch our man or come to the conclusion they’re being had, and once that happens they’ll be warned. We want to attack before they’re ready for us, but there are nitty little points we’re being tangled up in, which is why we’ll all be glad you’re here. You can answer what questions we have as we go along, and in between those times you can relax. Help yourself to something to drink, then make yourself comfortable.”
By that time we had reached the large room the planning group was using, and Garth left me to go back to the circle of men and women who were busy arguing out two or three points at a time. They were at the end of the room closest to the unlit fireplace, between two of the four opened terrace doors in the long wall straight ahead, and I didn’t have to ask if they’d mind having someone listening in. They already had an audience of one, and when Ashton saw me she grinned.
“Well, fancy meeting you here,” she said from her place among the cushions on the near side of the room, saluting me with the cup she held. “Do you mean Irin’s actually letting you out alone this soon? She must be sick or something. ”
“I’m a real, live grown-up, and as such I go and do as I please,” I answered sourly, stopping near a small table to pour myself what felt like my twentieth cup of kimla.